Small Town Douchebag

 Small Town Douchebag
(Lyric parody of Brantley Gilbert/Thomas Rhett/Justin Moore's "Small Town Throwdown")

Oh bruh

Around these parts his kind ain't new
No job but drives a jacked Chevrolet
Plays rap-rock, tatts on neck
3 kids from 3 girls on the way
Runs stop signs

Got a party at his folks' house tonight
Hand on his crotch, drinkin' fake shine
He loves gauge earrings and skanky girls,
Never got a ticket, claims he's done time

He's a small town douchebag
He loves to squall his tires and call people fags
And dawg, where da hoes tonight, drinkin' Natty gettin' tight
Skinny jeans or a sag, he's a small town douchebag

Yo, who got some ganja son?

Now he's got a house full of dumbass bros
Round here they're common as grass is
Rockin' Lil Wayne and FGL
Tore up, showin' their asses

What you looking at man?

Somebody says there's college boys
Rollin' in to hook up with their b**ches
If they step in there usin' fancy words
He's gonna send 'em home in stitches

He's a small town douchebag
His mean mug takes over when his brain power lags
And dawg, where da hoes tonight, drinkin' High Life gettin' tight
Fly high that rebel flag, he's a small town douchebag

C'mon

He's a small town douchebag
He loves to squall his tires and call people fags
And dawg, where da hoes tonight, drinkin' Taaka gettin' tight
Skinny jeans or a sag, he's a small town douchebag

He's a small town douchebag
He loves to squall his tires and call people fags
And dawg, where da hoes tonight, drinkin' Natty gettin' tight
Skinny jeans or a sag, he's a small town douchebag

He's a small town douchebag

WTF

Little Known Facts: September '14

Lefty Frizzell was ambidextrous.

Creed's Scott Stapp considered making a country album but decided

against it because "the scene is just too douchey right now."

For every number 1 single Rascal Flatts has Gary Levox

celebrates by literally adding a notch to his belt.

Due to his reputation for making subpar music Chris Gaines decided

to make his comeback under the stage name Garth Brooks.

Justin Moore started singing country music after his "little luchador"

career ended with a mis-timed hurricanrana.

Thanks to quick actions from a bystander who applied pressure to the wound,

the man Johnny Cash shot in Reno lived until 2007.

Taylor Swift says she hasn't dated in over a year, so her next album

will be entirely about collecting cats and eating Blue Bell by the quart.

Little Big Town is a bad good band.

Each year, Lee Greenwood goes into hibernation

from November 12 through the last Sunday in May.

Sam Hunt is so country, he once got barbecue sauce on his vintage mesh yellow polo.

Jason Brown changed his name to Colt Ford to avoid being confused with his younger brother Chris Brown.

Despite FTM's constant jokes, Brantley Gilbert has only tried meth once and he didn't like it.

(Then he tried it 64 more times and didn't like it any of those times either.)

On the grounds of Toby Keith's Norman, OK farm/estate, there is a life-sized bronze statue of Toby Keith.

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Monday Morning Memes: Small Town Throwdown, Aldean, etc.

Mad Dad

Small Town Throwdown memes by https://twitter.com/JillChristinaWV

Bro-Country Fan eCards: Sept. '14

These are actual unedited (except for one vulgarity) YouTube comments from bro-country fans.

This Song Sucks: "Small Town Throwdown" (NSFW)

Short Jokes With Justin & Shooter

*Note: Trailer is 5'8" so he's working through his own issues

by making light of other people's lack of height.

Monday Morning Memes: Taylor Swift, Justin Moore, etc.

Guest Submission: Wheel of Bro-Country

Thanks to Mike McDermott for this!

Country TwitterFAIL: August '14

The Return of "Justin Moore Says..."

YouTube Junk: Small Town Throwdown!

Justin Moore Sings With Vince Neil

Monday Morning Memes: Rascal Flatts, Justin Moore, etc.

 

Little Known Facts: July '14

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

If you don't use American made fireworks to celebrate Independence Day, 

Toby Keith will come to your house and put a boot up your ass.

Chase Rice's college football career was cut short due to an injury sustained in a tragic keg stand mishap.

Scott Borchetta doesn't mind if you question his business decisions and ethics, 

but if you say one word about his perm he will end you.

The average Luke Bryan fan can type 49 werds per minute.

Jerrod Niemann wants you to know that it was his record label's idea to release "Donkey." 

In fact, he didn't even want it on the album. In fact, that's not even him singing on the track. 

Seriously, guys.

Colt Ford is a really nice guy until you remind him that his music completely sucks ass.

Tim McGraw wants you to know that it was his record label's idea to release "Lookin' for That Girl." In fact…

Justin Moore only drinks top shelf liquor, unless he's alone and can't reach it.

Martina McBride stopped doing festival dates with bro-country acts 

because their fans would all wave American flags during "Independence Day."

In a recent competition to find country music's best looking beard, 

Whitey Morgan came in second behind Miranda Lambert.

Kenny Chesney once broke up a clothes-ripping brawl between Faith Hill and Shania Twain 

backstage at the CMAs. Said Ronnie Dunn, who witnessed the whole thing, "Chesney's a dumbass."

New country artist Walker Chase Blake hopes to stand out from the crowd with his new rap-tinged

single "Blah blah something about kisses at night or whatever."

Johnny Cash had an amazing collection of 19th century guns and antique books. 

Brantley Gilbert has a pretty sweet collection of glass pipes and Juggs magazines.

That's Creepy, Justin Moore

Monkeys, Typewriters, Bros

Nashville: A Drinking Town With a Country Problem

*And this is not an exhaustive list...

CMA Fest 2014 Bingo!

Others have done this in the past, but no one has stepped up this year so far, so....

Brantley Gilbert! Thomas Rhett! Justin Moore! (Honest Ad!)

Brantley + Justin + Thomas: New Single Cover Revealed