Civil War Movie Country Memes

This is How We Troll

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Heartland Rock

We uncovered some surprising secrets about some of the biggest heartland rockers. You may have assumed these were generally upstanding folks, but think again. Here’s our ranking of the worst!

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10. John Cafferty

Named his band The Beaver Brown Band. Tricked millions of 1980s casual radio listeners into thinking he was Bruce Springsteen. 

9. Melissa Etheridge

Tricked millions of 1990s bro-dudes into singing along with lesbian love songs. For several tours, would only play a reggae reimagining of “Come to My Window.” 

8. Bob Seger

Says Kid Rock is his greatest musical progeny. Despite being very popular in the South, betrayed them by being a political centrist. Has promised to only allow samples of his songs to be used by mumble rappers. 

7. Brian Fallon

Says the name of his band The Gaslight Anthem is about farts, not about manipulating someone into doubting their own thoughts. Says it’s always been that way and you know this. 

6. John Fogerty

In an interview once said Florida-Georgia Line was the closest thing he’d ever heard to the spirit of Creedence. Always arguing with the Kroger checkout person over expired coupons. Initiates conversations with strangers at the urinal. 

5. Brandon Flowers

Sends takedown notices if a YouTube music reviewer gives a Killers album less than 5 stars. Only promotes his solo albums on social media. Once called his fans “pour over coffee drinking white suburban unmarried cat-parents” which is true but was very controversial at the time. 

4. Ryan Culwell

Backstage rider far more extravagant and demanding than everyone on this list, despite him being the least well known. Pretends to be Americana when it suits him. Likes to watch those zip popping videos at full volume in the doctor’s office waiting room. 

3. Jon Bon Jovi

Still touring despite his voice retiring in 2003.  At concerts, only performs a medley of the greatest hits to close the show after an hour and half of current songs nobody knows. Cites John Cafferty as his main musical influence. Insisted he be placed on this list rather than the hair metal edition. 

2. Bruce Springsteen

Has just been pretending to be liberal for decades but secretly funds several New Jersey far right militias. Takes credit for Courtney Cox’s entire career. Only speaks to his bandmates in quotes from Parks & Rec. Made Jake Clemons play an entire tour with tiny truck nutz hanging from his saxophone. 

1. John Mellencamp

Whoops, sorry for including an actual jerk.* This list is supposed to be satirical.

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*His inclusion isn't due to that viral video yesterday which was used for nefarious political purposes. He was in the right in that instance.

Pick Your Ernest

 To be fair, Ernest is better than most on the mainstream chart. But he's also pretty awful at times. 

Idea by Craig Toney

Sexy Time

6 New AI Illustrated Country Songs

 Titles at the end.

Garth Brooks "Friends in Low Places"

Reba "Fancy"

Patsy Cline “I Fall to Pieces”

Vince Gill “Go Rest High on that Mountain”

Zach Bryan “Something in the Orange”

Toby Keith “I Love This Bar”

More Monday Memes: Keith Urban, George Strait, Snoop Dogg

 

Zero Percent

 

Monday Morning Memes: Morgan Wallen, Music Snobbery, Jamey Johnson

Cringey Luke Bryan Photo of the Week

Celebrity Encounters

Lost 90s Country Song Was Somehow Too Cheesy to Release

A 90s country ballad based on a silly saying from a popular sitcom? In an era marked by movie-catch-phrase song titles, tunes about sentient hearts, and more goofy dance remixes than you could shake it to the right at, this particular one was somehow deemed too cringe. Why is that?

Because it was “Did I Do That?” a phrase made popular by Family Matters character Urkel (played by Jaleel White), a lovable nerd who was often hilariously and disastrously clumsy. Now, that hook might work for an uptempo party song, but this was no “Ain’t Goin’ Down (Till the Sun Comes Up)” or “I Like It, I Love It”; it was a fiddle and steel, cry-in-your-beer heartbreak song.

The tearjerker, written by Craig Wiseman and Gary Loyd was pitched to around 15 different artists, with only 1 cutting the tune. The singer, who can’t be named, but whose name rhymes with Lacey Turd, had hoped to include the song on his 1996 album and release it as a single; they even had single artwork completed. 

That’s when higher ups at MCA stepped in and told him and producers that “Did I Do That?” was just too dopey, even for the 90s (and even for an artist who’d later release the gem, “Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo”). So the song just went into the vaults never to be heard again.

Even Wiseman, who’d go on to become one of the most successful songwriters and music execs in mainstream country is ashamed of “Did I Do That?” “Where’d you even find out about it?” he laughed. “We must’ve had some good weed in the writers’ room that day… a sad song based on a goofy exclamation from a TV dork… it’s even dumber than (Blake Shelton & Trace Adkins’) “Hillbilly Bone” which I am also quite ashamed to have my name associated with” 

When asked if the song might ever see the light of day, Wiseman said “There were several lyrics based on other absurd quotes from the show… and on the last chorus, (singer) even sang the hook similarly to Urkel’s delivery… so honestly, I hope whatever vault the tapes were in burned down and then flooded and then the debris was dispersed by straight-line winds to the horizon.” 

Wiseman did provide the few following lyrics from the song (to the best of his recollection):

My little sweet potato

With eyes so sad and blue

Baby I’ve got to know

If I’m the one that did that to you

My perfect baby cakes

Laura, why did you go?

Was it my mistakes

That got you feelin’ so low

(Part of chorus)

Did I do that?

Break your heart too many times

You ain’t comin’ back

And all the fault is mine”

Original Title and Album Cover of 49 Winchester's Upcoming Release

 And here's what they settled on. Oh well, I'm sure it'll still be good.

Supercuts

Scarface Country Reaction Gifs

When a local DJ announces Justin Moore to the stage

When they play you their favorite country song but it sounds like Three Doors Down with more twang

When Tommy left the bar room, not a Gatlin boy was standing

When you've never made it to the end of Johnny Cash's "Cocaine Blues"

If Jason Aldean fans call it hipster-country, then probably...

Johnny Paycheck, that fateful day

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 Play Cherokee fiddle, he'd play it for the whiskey 

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The proper reply to every bro-country pickup line

When you tell her the 'country' she's listening to is just southern pop sung by pretty boys

When you lay into ‘em with that Kentucky Thunder 

When your boy is about to hurl a chair off Eric Church's bar at some cops

Angry Chair

What is Outlaw Country?