Aug 3, 2014
Aug 2, 2014
From the Archives: Ball Peen Hammer
ORIGINALLY POSTED AUG 30, 2009
Jason Aldean Lyric Parody
Ball-Peen Hammer
(Parody of Jason Aldean's "Big Green Tractor")
Was out shopping with my wife one Saturday,
The country station on in our Chevrolet
The girls were all shrieking, cutesy and pop,
And the dudes were slangin', brangin' the rock,
They played a Reba song, and it sounded "Strange"
But the straw that broke the camel's back was "That Thang"
When shoppin' was done, we'd planned to see a show
But I said "I'd rather go to Home Depot"
Gonna hit myself hard with a ball-peen hammer
Hell, my IQ can't drop any faster,
These tunes are crappy as turds in the pasture,
To radio execs, it really don't matter,
Long as they sell ads and please soccer moms too
They don't care bout the hell country's gone to
I think those idjits should be put in the slammer
Or I'll hit myself hard with a ball-peen hammer
Said Waylon's cold in his grave but he's rolling around,
This bling and auto-tuner's got him down,
Folks try to stay hip, but these days hip-hop sucks,
It's so two-thousand late to be singin' about butts
Gonna hit myself hard with a ball-peen hammer
Hell, my IQ can't drop any faster,
These tunes are crappy as turds in the pasture,
To radio execs, it really don't matter,
Long as they sell ads and please Nascar dads too
They don't care bout the hell country's gone to
I think those jerkoffs should be put in the slammer
Or I'll hit myself hard with a ball-peen hammer
Dance remixes and sappy teens,
Hank would be thankful he didn't live to see,
This day,
Long as they sell ads and please soccer moms too
They don't care bout the hell country's gone to
I think those morons should be put in the slammer
Or I'll hit myself hard with a ball-peen hammer
Oh no no,
Please just turn it down,
Or I'll put an end to this frown,
With a ball-peen hammer.
Aug 1, 2014
3 Up 3 Down: Tim McGraw, Sam Hunt, Kacey Musgraves, etc.
3 UP
Tyler Farr - A Guy Walks Into a Bar
While this new single from Farr might be a "song of the year" (ACMs or CMAs) contender with a stronger vocalist, it's still a surprisingly great tune. It shows the depth and wit that country songwriting used to be known for before it became a bro free-for-all. After yet another break-up, Farr realizes that his life is just a cycle of barroom loves gone wrong and frames it with the old "guy walks into a bar" joke format. It balances the hopelessness of the seemingly endless loop with the lightness of self deprecation. A winning single from a previously much-maligned artist here at FTM.
A-
Tim McGraw ft. Faith Hill - Meanwhile Back at Mama's
Remember when Tim McGraw wasn't ashamed of his twang and was one of the best song pickers in the business? Neither do I, but this song certainly harkens back to Tim's better days. It's probably the most traditional sounding song on the charts right now, which wouldn't be so shocking if not for McGraw's recent run of autotune and bro-country bravado. This song is almost certainly bound for some awards show hardware. It's a strong addition to a solid career (if we cut out like 75% of his output for the last 10 years).
A
Kacey Musgraves - Keep It to Yourself
Duh.
B+
3 DOWN
Sam Hunt - Leave the Night On
I suppose this isn't such a bad pop song, but the fact that it's told to us without so much as an elbow in the ribs or a knowing glance that this is country music really gets my goat. It's hip, in-crowd Jason Mraz lite with bro-country tropes thrown in. And this guy… dressed like a club kid and not even embarrassed about it, shoving 23 syllables into lines that should fit about 10, flat-brim caps, smug, tall, handsome… okay, my jealous hatin' is showing through, but I just can't stand anything about this. If bro-country is replaced by cool-bro-pop-country, we might be even worse off.
D
Swon Brothers - Later On
Technically, "Small Town Throwdown" or "Yeah" or the like are much worse than this song, but like Hunt's song, I fear this is where radio is headed. "Oh you're tired of truck party songs? Here are some less offensive truck party songs!" is what they're thinking. Bored is worse than angry when it comes to music and I'd rather dudes like Chase Rice fly their aggro-bro flags in my face than the Swons fly under the radar with their milquetoast brand of fun-time pop country. This is a big ol' pile of meh.
D
Rascal Flatts - Payback
Really? Gary Levox singing from the perspective of a player who's hoping to pick up a recently single female? This song has all the realism of a Michael Bay movie… with less character development. Tight jeans, throwin' down, get your feel good on? That's just the first verse. It doesn't' get any better. I don't know if this is any worse than "Bob That Head," their previous low water mark, but it certainly isn't any better.
F
Jul 31, 2014
New Videos: Benjamin Booker
From his self-titled album (out August 19th), here's Benjamin Booker with "Have You Seen My Son?" RIYL: Black Joe Lewis, Jack White, The Black Keys, Alabama Shakes.
Jul 30, 2014
Tim McGraw's Sundown Heaven Town Track List Revealed
Sundown Heaven Town Track List:
1. Some of My Best Friends Are
2. (Be Gone Before the) City Lights
3. Hooded Rider
4. Spooked
5. Watermelon and Fried Chicken
6. Call a Spade a Spade
7. You People
8. Meanwhile Back At Big Mama’s (featuring Faith Hill)
9. Across the Tracks
10. Forty Ounce Throwdown
11. Back of the Bus
12. Lookin’ For That Welfare Queen
13. Well Spoken Man
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