These Are the Days of Gold

Pimp My Ride to Cruise

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Moonshine, Chase Rice, etc.

Country eCards Oct. '13: Dallas Davidson, sexism, etc.

Thomas Jefferson Says...

Marty Robbins Circa 2013

Country Bumper Stickers: Sept. '13

Monday Afternoon Memes: Luke Bryan, Trucks, etc.

I am a Pop-Country Song

I am a Pop-Country Song

©2013 FTM Satires

I have three dads and one mother

Who over some cold beer discovered

They all loved money very much

Hearts raced and their cheeks flushed

As they copulated with each other

(and here I am)

I am a pop-country song

When life's got you down

You can just turn me on

Cause, I know no sadness

And there's nothing wrong

With upbeat, uptempo

And a beat that's strong

2 inches deep and 3 minutes long

I am a pop-country song

I'm trucks and I'm sunny beaches

Underage sex and wise old preachers

Barely there twang and pumped up drums

A tasty pill to keep you numb

Sung by tough guys and Georgia peaches

(Crank it up)

I am a pop-country song

When life gets too real

You can just turn me on

Cause, I'm just a party

For your pasture or lawn

I'm upbeat, uptempo

With a beat that's strong

2 inches deep and 3 minutes long

I am a pop-country song

Bridge

In 6 months I'll be forgotten

But what'd you expect? I'm not art

Maybe I'll have resurrection

With a remix for the pop charts

I am a pop-country song

When life's got you down

You can just turn me on

Cause, I know no sadness

And there's nothing wrong

With upbeat, uptempo

And a beat that's strong

2 inches deep and 3 minutes long

I am a pop-country song

Monday Morning Memes: T-Pain, Dallas Davidson, More Trucks

Get Rich Quick

Country Songwriter Tailgate Magnets: Summer Edition!

New in the FTM Store: Country Songwriter Tailgate Magnets

You know those fridge poetry magnets? Well, these are for tailgates... because where else would a current hit-making country songwriter craft a song? Get your ball-capped buddies together and whip up a new summer anthem in no time with these new Country Songwriter Tailgate Poetry Magnets! All magnets not pictured. Only $9.99 in the FTM Store now!* Ships in 6 to infinite days!

*FTM Store exists, but there are no magnets.

In the Year 2030: July '13

Scott Borchetta again pimping the latest late-teens country-pop ingenue

and it's way creepier than ever.

Blackjack Billy enjoy a case of Old Milwaukee and fondly

recall that time they put an album out 17 years ago.

Number 1 country song is the hip-hop anthem "Slut-ass Hoe" which wasn't

even released to country radio but gained interest because the rapper casually

mentioned being from the south in the lyrics.

Shooter Jennings/Triggerman feud enters its 20th year with no sign of a truce.

A retired Ronnie Dunn lists his career regrets as follows: breaking up B&D,

that rap song in 2013, and that EDM album in 2014.

Trucks banned for environmental reasons. 

Country radio shuts down until songwriters can regroup.

Hunter Hayes' career comes to an end when his voice finally changes.

Shinedown's third country album goes double platinum.

Rascal Flatts plan reunion tour, to the delight of caterers across America.

Aging Brantley Gilbert fans dismayed to find that their sagging

BG tattoos now resemble the word "butt" in cursive.

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Evolution, Colt Ford

-from "Chris"

-Dallas Micolichek

Party All the Time

Monday Afternoon Memes: Trucks, Hick-hop, etc.

Thanks to Jeremy Harris for all three!

If God Bless the USA Was Written Now

Country Bumper Stickers: June '13

Lyrical Satirical: This Song is for Summer

This Song Is For Summer

©2013 FTM Satire

Aw hell yeah it's summer again

Time to drop a tailgate with your redneck friends

Text up some honeys in cut off jeans

Sugar shaker, donkadonk, know what I mean?

Crank some Lil Wayne in a country mood

Pass around some moonshine we bought at Whole Foods

Let's get rowdy like Hank would do

Hey, check out my new Duck Dynasty tattoo

Chorus

This song is for summer, y'all

Those three months after spring and just before fall

Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber

Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Yeehaw boys, yeah I got some swag

Got a Mud Life sticker and truck nutz that drag

Old farts hatin' cause I drop some rhymes

But that's how we do country in the summertime

Shotgun, old truck, some other cliche

Gather round the fire and I'll sing you some Kanye

Feet on the dash, let the night commence

Who cares if this tune doesn't make any sense?

This song is for summer, y'all

Those three months after spring and just before fall

Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber

Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Bridge (spoken)

And now a word from our sponsor:

It's hot out there while you're partying with your homeyz

Try something a little different!

Bud Light Lime.

It's Bud Light, with a twist!

Back to this song for summer, son

Put it out in March so it's a June number one

Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber

Crank it on up in the summer summer summer