Aug 30, 2012

Country Bumper Stickers: Aug '12

On Twitter and Musicians - by Mike Brooks

Sunday morning, coffee(s) in hand and here's the thing...

How does one work this Twitter thing?  I am way outside the age demographic chronologically, and relatively new to the medium. I have found amazing resources and bands, no shortage of assholes and a bunch of acronyms I don't understand.

The ability to interact with an artist is great!  However, I can't help feeling slighted when I see a tweet from a person I follow answering a question I have asked previously without a response.

I'm not talking about Gaga or Beiber not responding to my "go away" requests. I don't follow people with millions of followers, which is sad because those I follow IMO deserve them.

It is such a rush when an old man like me, that had lost all faith in music, gets a "thanks" from @hayescarll, or when @jasonisbell and I share a Clarence Carter reference.  My highlight this year was @bonniewhitmore telling me I should come to her birthday show!

Chad Sullins, Blackberry Smoke, C-leb and the Kettle Black...Wow...way to make an guy feel like he is part of it.  @USaquarium, I would never have found out about the band were it not for Twitter.

Of course, my iTunes account has not been the same since @twangnation!!

Keep us fans in mind, you artists and bands.  After all, we think you are looking directly at us individually at the Shows, and in my case, you have read my diary before you wrote the songs.

I'm building you fans in Canada..hoping to drag you here...hey...maybe we can hangout!?


YouTube Junk: SEC Bound

College football gets cranked up for another season tonight and these boys from Mizzou thought it'd be a good idea to do a song about their team's inaugural season playing with the big boys in the SEC. Possibly, the SEC should rethink this whole expansion thing.

Exclusive Talking Point from Mitt Romney's Speech Tonight

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #62

Sometimes if you need a little inspiration to write a rockin' new country song and you're just too drunk to put any thoughts in order, look outside of yourself. Watch a movie. I find a good porno takes the edge off to get me in the mood for making a masterpiece. You can also find lines and ideas on the mental level of the typical country listener in the script of a skin flick. Listen to music. I put on some Nickelback or Creed or Godsmack or Skid Row and do a little headbanging. That knocks a little dust off the old melon and gets my creative juices flowing. Also, these artists have songs that you can just insert the word "truck" into and turn down the guitars a tad and have yourself a top 10 in no time! Read books. Ha ha ha. That one was a joke. Only goobersmooches read books. Maybe flip through a Hustler while you're pinching a loaf and you might find some ideas for a romantic Luke Bryan hit. Now, what the f**k are you waiting on? I just let you peek behind the curtain and see how I stack them Benjies. Get to work, buttwads. 

*Not actually written by John Rich.

Aug 23, 2012

Lyrical Satirical: The Country Listing Song

The Country Listing Song
©2012 FTM Satires

Kudzu on a city limit sign
Pasture party past the county line
Jack and Jim
And redneck friends
Bonfire, tailgate, melon rind

This is the country listing song
Come on everybody, sing along
Scream "hell yeah" if you're country strong
Say I ain't country, I'll prove you wrong
With this here country listing song

City folks and cities suck
I like bass fishin' and whitetail bucks
Hank and Strait
Barbecue plate
Hot cousin in my pickup truck

This is the country listing song
Come on everybody, sing along
Scream "hell yeah" if you're country strong
Say I ain't country, I'll prove you wrong
With this here country listing song

Jesus, mama, American way
Small town, love, some other cliché

This is the country listing song
Drink Bud Light till the night is gone
Trim your beard with a shaver from Braun
Try Medifast, tell that gut "So long!"
Get I Heart Radio on your iPhone
This is the country listing song

New Jamey Johnson Album Cover Revealed

Top 10 Qualifications Needed to Sing at the Grand Ole Opry

 07. Ability to attach chain from jeans to wallet 

 06. Record sales 

 05. Name 

 03. Pulse 

 02. Payola 
(Just kidding, Charlie! This guy's good folks, even if he leans a little pop country.)

 01. Label pull

Aug 22, 2012

Drew Kennedy's New Video: "Stars in California"

And now for something worthy of your time. Here's Drew Kennedy with his new video for "Stars in California." Honestly, it's one of the more beautiful videos I've ever seen if not for the beardy dude getting in the way of the shots all throughout.

Drew Kennedy - "Stars in California" (Official Music Video) from M. Andrew Barrera on Vimeo.

Single Review: Craig Morgan - More Trucks Than Cars

I've reduced the lyrics of this song to the clichés and really, there's not much else left.

city limit sign
Water tower, swimming holes
county fairs
biscuits, grits and gravy
hell yeah and amen, yeehaw, and y’all come back again
Old Glory
them big city streets (referred to in negative context)
Ford truck, town square
raising our babies and our own green beans

They're just insulting the admittedly low intelligence of the average country radio listener at this point to put this stuff out over and over and over and over and over and over and over and not expect at least one person out there in Walmartica to think "Hey, isn't this the same song they played right before they played this song right after that ad about losing my stubborn belly fat?"

There's no point in reviewing something this insipid and uninspired. Would Apple put out a new iPhone without any new features? Does the '13 Camaro look and perform exactly like the '05? Does CBS just air the same episode of Big Bang Theory every Thursday at 8/7 Central and expect you not to notice? Nope, but the commercial country industry does that shit and they don't give a fried green f*ck what they're doing to the genre as long as you don't change the station and instead maybe get a snippet or two of one of those ads caught in your head. Bottom line is bottoming out country radio. I keep saying it can't go any lower, but they're doing a damn good job of scraping along the ruts.

F f'ing minus
(and for the record, that's without hearing the song even once)

New Jason Aldean Album Cover Revealed

Parody Album Covers: Gaslight Anthem, Skynyrd, Slightly Stoopid


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