Showing posts with label Loretta Lynn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loretta Lynn. Show all posts

Sep 4, 2020

Kid Rock Takes First Bath in 25 Years


Spurred on by his idea to “wed” country legend Loretta Lynn in a publicity stunt this past weekend, hip-hop/country/rocker Robert James Ritchie (aka Kid Rock) recently took his first bath since 1995. 

Mr. Rock, who is mostly just famous for being famous these days, has always been known for his grungy appearance and disheveled clothing but he felt that Loretta Lynn deserved him at his best for their ‘nuptials.’ “I couldn’t marry the queen of country music smelling like …everything and most of it bad…” said Ritchie. “Had to get fresh!”

He reported that the actual act of bathing was a several hour process, requiring multiple cleansing products and several semi-hazardous chemicals. “If I’m being honest,” Kid grinned. “There was a chisel, sandpaper, and a hammer involved.” The bath even had a title sponsor: Mean Green.

Known for his outlandish lifestyle, Rock never bothered to take even a quick shower during the past 25 years, saying he was too busy partying. A Republican, he once ran for US Senate and did not even wash his hands during the entire campaign, which also turned out to be yet another publicity stunt. 

“When I was finally through with my bath, you never seen such a f***ing bathtub ring,” he laughed. “If it was on the floor, you’d trip over it.” Rock said there was dirt, sawdust, parking tickets, grease, marijuana stems, an unidentified white powder, stripper glitter, and hair present in the layer of filth circling his tub. He had to hire ServiceMaster to return his bathroom to its pristine condition. “Might be a few years before I’m back in there, but I want it nice for company.” said Ritchie.

At press time, Loretta Lynn was being given a thorough medical exam after her contact with Kid Rock last weekend. 

Aug 6, 2020

Reality Shows Country Reaction Gifs

You think Florida-Georgia Line are country music innovators?

Kane Brown fans mad at us for joking about him getting lost on his 30 acre property

When a new "country" artist says he's inspired by Future and Blink-182

Loretta Lynn at nearly every moment of the 70s

Why do you enjoy listening to Luke Bryan?

When Gary Levox hits a note he wasn't sure he could hit anymore

When she says her first son will be named Waylon

Every pop country singer trying to write an outlaw country song 

Jul 14, 2020

Female Country Singers as Men ...for some reason

Loretta Lynn

Amanda Shires

Carrie Underwood

Miranda Lambert

Leann Rimes

Jamie Lin Wilson

And.. Reba. Sorry Reba.

Apr 23, 2020

Ozark Country Reaction Gifs

*some foul language*





When concerts finally return

"Country music has always evolved... purists in the 70s didn't think Willie and Waylon were 'real' country"

Him: What kind of music do you like?
Me: Country mostly
Him: Like Sam Hunt?
Me:

The motto for Loretta Lynn's career

When artists delay their new albums because of the pandemic

Hey, other guy in Florida-Georgia Line...
  
When mom makes you go to a Luke Bryan concert

Insert Dan + Shay joke:

Mar 12, 2020

Reba (The TV Show) Country Reaction Gifs

When Alan Jackson sings "I'll try to love only you"

Why FGL got into country music

"Hey Reba, while we're quarantined, you wanna just sit around and watch 90s country videos?"

When somebody asks if you've heard the phrase "Whatever country radio listeners enjoy is country music"

When you catch your brother watching a Dustin Lynch video

♫ ♬ "She thinks his name was John" ♫ ♬

When Loretta sang "It'll feel good after it quits hurtin'"

When you're in the mood to read some comments below a Kane Brown YouTube video

What is: the country music business?

Dec 18, 2019

The Office Christmas Country Reaction Gifs

If there was a Whiskey Myers Christmas song
 
A Bobby Bones impression

♫ ♬ ...dancin' over here or fightin' over there
I'm makin' the rounds, looking for a party crowd ♫ ♬

When a Kane Brown fan asks you if impeachment is something about cobbler

♫ ♬ Come on and tell me what you told my friends
If you think you're brave enough
 ♫ ♬


 When you're enjoying a country playlist and a Sam Hunt song pops up

♫ ♬ You know I don't remember a thing
But they say I sure was raising some cane
 ♫ ♬

When you remember Dwight called Willie Nelson an elderly burnout

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