Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts
Aug 21, 2020
Mainstream Country Festival With No Singers Draws 30,000
What if you threw a country music festival and no artists came? Well that’s what happened just outside Pembroke, GA this past weekend, and the event drew an estimated 30,211 drunken revelers.
DirtyFest, a music festival promoted as “a day of tunes, beer, and buds,” took place this past Saturday without a stage and without a single country music artist performing, yet snarled county traffic and filled a hay field with throngs of fans.
“It was lit.” said ‘event promoter’ Jake Chadderson. “Been bored as s**t for 7 months so I just figured we’d get some folks together and party!” He said that the idea was to recreate a country music festival to such a degree that nobody would even notice there wasn’t anybody singing up on stage.
“Me and my boys never watch the concert anyway, and we couldn’t afford anybody we’ve heard of to play, so f*** it, we just had a throwdown.” said Chadderson. “They don’t even play Lil Uzi Vert or Post Malone at country concerts, so this was better anyway. We just had big speakers up all over the place playing our Spotify playlists.”
To get the true ambiance of a country festival, vendors sold $9 tallboys and $5 waters, overpriced undercooked sausage dogs, and $40 t-shirts. There were plenty of mud holes, long lines for the few port-a-potties, and lax security.
Festival goers reported multiple fights during the event’s 7 hour running time. “It was just like a normal country festival,” laughed Karyn Lowe of Smyrna. “Twerking, fighting, drinking… whooo! Just like my last Luke Bryan show or whoever that was.”
Many attendees didn’t even seem to realize there were no bands or singers. “You’re bulls******* me. I know I saw Kane Brown playing,” said Randy Kettering of Tallahassee. “I mean, I just go to shows to get b****es so I don’t really pay attention, but my boy told me Dustin Lynch played a good set on the South stage. But he was pretty drunk, so…”
Chadderson told us the $79 ticket was to cover the insurance for the event. “And the prize money for the Tik Tok W.A.P. dance challenge.”
Aug 20, 2020
WWE (& AEW) Country Reaction Gifs 43: Chris Jericho Edition
Me, listening to country radio for 15 seconds
Latest Luke Bryan song?
When Tyler Childers looks at his album sales
When somebody asks to get on Shooter Jennings' guest list and adds "I'll bring some Willie's Reserve"
Dustin Lynch telling you about his music
When a guy walks by wearing a Kane Brown t-shirt
"Morgan Wallen is the future of country music"
How do you make Luke Combs cry?
When your Americana duo gets tired of wearing t-shirts, plaid, and jeans
Aug 17, 2020
Aug 14, 2020
Aug 13, 2020
Sling Blade Country Reaction Gifs
A country bro explaining to his hottie why the truck happened to stop in this pasture
When you meet somebody who loves Tyler Childers as much as you do
Mama said the sling blade is the devil's right hand
When Dwight Yoakam goes to a party where they're playing Florida-Georgia Line
A politically incorrect person making a Luke Bryan joke
When a creepy dude you just met won't shut the f*** up about his favorite singer, Mitchell Tenpenny
Would you rather get free tickets to a Kane Brown concert or pay $20 for french fried potaters?
When I hear a snap beat in a "country" song
Aug 11, 2020
Aug 10, 2020
More Monday Memes: Luke Bryan, Jerrod Niemann, Kane Brown
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| (Note: This meme is not making fun of Upchurch's teeth ... I was going to use Dumb & Dumber regardless; it just kinda worked out this way) |
Aug 5, 2020
Jul 31, 2020
Report: Nobody Gives a Sh** What Famous Country Singers Are Doing During Quarantine
Reports from every American man and woman, regardless of political belief or musical preference, on Friday said they do not give one solitary shit what famous country singers are doing to pass time during the COVID-19 quarantine.
Despite numerous attempts by Taste of Country and PopCulture.com, not a single story of singers drinking coffee and reading to their kids has piqued the interest of normal everyday citizens. While Americans realized the difficulty of finding interesting news during this difficult time, they were resolute in their belief that “this ain’t it, chief.”
“I’m only working 20 hours a week and the PPP and my stimulus check have run out so I’m worried about paying the mortgage,” said Rena Hopson of Kalamazoo, MI. “So no, I am not interested in how Luke Bryan is doing Tik Tok videos with his beautiful wife on their sprawling farm… call me cynical, I call me a realist.”
Even TMZ has taken to peeking in the windows of country stars like Jason Aldean and Thomas Rhett to see how they’re coping with the pandemic. “Aldean appeared to be fussing at his daughter for playing Animal Crossing when she was supposed to be taking out the trash.” said a breathless paparazzi reporter for the rag. Again, this did nothing to snatch the attention of any human being upon the earth, who were each dealing with their own issues at the present time.
“I understand that there’s nothing going on, so they have to get creative with their content,” laughed Azid Parah of Pensacola. “But I have kids to keep busy and bills to pay, so I do not give even one damn what kind of sourdough Kelsea Ballerini is baking this week.”
At press time, The Boot was interviewing Florida-Georgia Line about their favorite episode of Unsolved Mysteries.
Jul 30, 2020
Jul 28, 2020
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