Showing posts with label Martina McBride. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Martina McBride. Show all posts

Feb 4, 2013

Little Known Facts: Feb. '13




Because of his arrest in 2006 for the "I'm Hank Williams Jr bitch!" thing, Hank had to cancel a WWE cage match for the Backlash pay per view against Natalie Maines since it caused him to miss his ride to the walkthrough.

Dee Snider is a touring backup singer for Brantley Gilbert.

Blake Shelton has never tweeted under the influence of anything other than pure stupidity.

The latest U.S. census revealed that one of George Strait's exes had moved to Arkansas from Texas.

Gary Levox is actually Mike Myers in a fat-suit.

72% of all people at a Eric Church concert purchased their boots within a week of the show. 100% of those people will take them off and hold them above their heads when he plays "These Boots".

Martina McBride broke a lounge chair over a roadie's head when she found out George Strait wasn't opening for her on The Cowboy Rides Away tour.

Florida-Georgia Line's name is a reference to the gambling addiction they both share.

Chad Brock was the second choice for this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show.

When you hear a new country hit mention Hank, it is referring to Hank Garland 92.7% of the time.

David Allan Coe has never dyed his beard, but he has had a history of mold problems.

Brantley Gilbert will be Jana Kramer's third husband before age 30. Also her first marriage to a troll-boy.

Jeff Foxworthy's "Redneck 12 Days of Christmas" is actually a detailed list of the payola required to get airplay on a country music radio station.

Zac Brown has a beanie beard-net he wears when preparing food before concerts.


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*Thanks to Jeremy Harris for most of these!

Jun 6, 2012

Top 10 Comments Overheard at CMA Fest 2012


10. Is Brantley Gilbert here? I want to show him my Affliction panties!

09. Why yes, I would like to supersize that!

08. Oooh, Broadway! Is that where they have the musicals?!?

07. I wore the right size tube top, but I still got a sunburn!

06. I got a Tweet asking if I wanted to motorboat with Little Big Town. It depends on which one I get to motorboat!

05. These portapotties aren't wide enough. Who am I? Kate Upton?

04.  I can see Kellie Pickler's boobies from here!

03. Yes, I was told to deliver this crate of Black Label to Martina McBride's trailer.

02. Why am I holding a can of spray paint? I'm getting Luke Bryan to sign my ass!

01. Does anybody know where you can rent one of them Walmart scooters? My cankles are killing me.

Feb 29, 2012

In the Year 2030 #7











The 20th season of The Voice sees Blake Shelton still making drinking jokes; the late Cee-lo Green replaced by his son Dee-lo; that Adam guy still leering at Christina Aguilera's now belly-button level cleavage.


Chad Brock headlines the Country Thrownout Hip Tour with openers Jeff Bates and Andy Griggs.


Thomas Rhett's son (Rhett Akins' grandson) Thomas Akins gets a publishing and recording contract, completely by talent and in no way because his dad and grandfather were in the industry.


Martina McBride spotted drunkenly playing quarter slots at New Orleans casino, wearing a "Dirty Grandma" t-shirt.


Country music experiencing a revival thanks to the "neo-fake-outlaw" movement which credits Eric Church as its godfather.


Impressionable teen listens to Brantley Gilbert album backwards - goes on to cure Herpes, invent tornado-proof mobile homes.


Hank IV signs with Curb Records; stricken from father and grandfather's wills.


Country rap now its own genre with independent Billboard chart. Cowboy Troy runs cutthroat record label loosely modeled after Suge Knight's Death Row.


Lady Gaga photographed by paparrazi entering a Target dressed as somebody who used to be famous.


Casey Donahew Band, biggest selling country group in history breaks up. Melinda Donahew blamed.


Taylor Swift wins CMA Lifetime Achievement Award but is unable to mug the "Taylor shocked face" due to years of botox injections.


Justin Moore becomes a proud grandpa for the first time, frequently sitting on his new grandson's lap to read him stories.

Nov 17, 2011

Top 10 (Non-Existent) Country Songs About Picnic Products


















With the popularity of Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup" (which is either completely insipid or absolute genius), FTM considered which other picnic essentials might make for good (okay, terrible) song fodder.


Top 10 (Non-Existent) Country Songs About Picnic Products


10. Martina McBride - "Dasani Bottle (It's a Good Thing Gin is Clear)"


09. Garth Brooks - "Are You Gonna Finish That Pimento and Cheese?"


08. Bucky Covington - "Grilling for Dummies"


07. Little Jimmy Dickens - "Bury Me in a Coleman When I Die"


06. Brantley Gilbert - "Drinking the Koolaid"


05. Chris Knight - "Lawn Dart Through the Heart"


04. Loretta Lynn - "You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Ham Sandwich"


03. Kid Rock - "Wet Ones Antibacterial"


02. Brad Paisley - "I'd Like to Spray You With Off"


01. Gary Levox - "Dixie Heavy Duty Plates"

Sep 29, 2011

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio September '11

Promo Only Country Radio September 2011
(click the titles to hear the songs)

George Strait – Here for A Good Time 2:57
A solid single from ol' King George. It incorporates partying and a little philosophy with relative ease. It also exudes all the charm Strait is known for. Nothing earth-shattering but a strong tune.
B

Brett Eldredge – It Ain’t Gotta Be Love 3:04
What a voice. As long as this guy selects/writes good songs, he's going to be good for the genre. This is a catchy track. Mid-tempo rocker about a one night stand ...or one weekend stand, anyway. I'd rather hear this than most of what's on the radio these days.
B-

Montgomery Gentry – Where I Come from 3:20
Same song, new verses. Stock Montgomery Gentry tune. Thankfully, that at least means some twang, steel guitar and some of the trappings of what country should sound like. Of course that also means rocking and strutting. "Where I Come From" is pretty much "My Town Part 2." Not bad and it'll probably get them back on the radio but really.... can't we get some new freaking subject matter on the radio?
C

Sawyer Brown – Smokin’ Hot Wife 3:10
I smell cheese before this even starts. It sounds like a Bellamy Brothers song right off the bat, which I would prefer. Hmm, no this isn't good. It reminds me of some other song that I can't recall at the moment, but I'm pretty sure it's a direct rip-off of that song. This is worse than bad Buffett, and that's saying something.
F

Robin Meade – Dirty Laundry 4:17
I'm not expecting much from the CNN news caster... and oh shit, it's a cover of Don Henley. This is awful. Not as spectacularly bad as that Chenoweth chick's foray into country, but it's in that league. Make it stop. Robin, stick to your day job.
F

Danny Gokey – Second Hand Heart 3:42
Go away, Danny. I'm as tired of looking at you as I am Jared at Subway. Holy crap, this sounds JUST like Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" at the beginning. Unfortunately, it gets worse from there. Lots of shout-singing. I don't like it. Go away, Danny.
D-

Keith Urban – Long Hot Summer (Venti Mix) 4:31
Ooh, venti mix. Does that mean we get to hear lots of Keith shredding at the end? His timing is way off... hell, summer's even over here in the deep south. Keith's in his usual groove here... driving tune with a little banjo plucking in the background. Female friendly, anthemic. His schtick. Not memorable.
C

Craig Morgan – This Ole Boy 3:20
Craig probably stole this one from Blake Shelton. Sounds just like one of his sure-shot mindless hits. Okay, I suppose but I'm bored with this. Morgan better pray this catches on. He's teetering on the edge of being relegated to the Country Tailgate Tour with some 90's hat acts if he doesn't get a hit soon.
C-

Taylor Swift – Sparks Fly 4:19
Well, it sounds like a Taylor Swift song. Ms. Swift is most certainly NOT like a box of chocolates. She certainly knows how to craft a vaguely country pop tune that's sweet on the ears. Nothing more, nothing less. The gals 12-25 will love it.
C+

Blake Shelton – God Gave Me You 3:47
The least country song Shelton's ever put out (maybe aside from "Home?"). It's a fairly catchy power ballad, but it's also pretty standard fare aimed at the soccer mom demographic. It's a radio programmer's wet dream.
C-

Rock riff. Attitude. Testosterone. The gates are open, y'all. The Aldean copycats are lined up from here to Athens and Nashville's herding them in. No thank you.
D-

Alan Jackson – Long Way to Go 3:39
I want to like this a lot more than I actually do. It's not bad, mind you, but it sounds like too many AJ songs that came before it. Still, you can't complain too much about "Long Way to Go" filling up airspace that might otherwise be dedicated to some up and coming pop country poser.
B-

Billy Ray Cyrus – Runway Lights 3:40
If BRC had chosen some better songs throughout his career, he could have been a lot more than a punch line. He's got a strong, distinctive voice that deserves good material. This is a military-related tune, but for the most part, it doesn't dip too far into the flag-waving of most songs of this ilk. It's personal and relateable. It's also got a heavy Springsteen vibe. Not bad.
B

Martina McBride – I’m Gonna Love You Through It 3:44
Yay, another cancer song. Well, this is country music after all. Martina sounds good here, though kinda Leann Rimes-esque in spots. Hmm, just remembered October is breast cancer awareness month. That's a great cause but the calculated release time rubs me wrong. The overwroughtness also.
C

Ashton Shepherd – Where Country Grows 3:11
I love Ashton's voice and the fact that she's very traditional sounding. However, I can't be a hypocrite here. This is YET ANOTHER COUNTRY LISTING SONG. Sigh.
C+

Steel Magnolia – Without You 3:26
Did this accidentally get put on here when it was actually intended for the Adult Contemporary promo only disc? I half expect Sting or Train to come on next. This is pleasant enough, I suppose but just not what I want out of country radio. This group lacks excitement.
C-

Jeff Bridges – What A Little Bit of Love Can Do 3:35
This sounds different than the crap he's put out lately. Oh... Jeff Bridges.. not Jeff Bates. My bad. Catchy, bouncy, cool song. I love this but it's pointless sending it out to radio. Nashville likes glitter not gruffness.
A

Johnny Patton – Save the Jukebox 2:58
Ooh, this is a throwback. Sounds like a cross between Johnny Paycheck and Billy Joe Shaver. You could tell me it was recorded in the 70's and I'd believe you. Good stuff! No chance at radio, but we can dream.
B

David Adam Byrnes – She Only Wanted Flowers 3:47
Sounds like something from the 90's from the start. That's a good thing. Good voice, cool harmonies with another male voice. I dig this. Guys like this and Justin Haigh give me hope. Thumbs up.
B+

Jim Quick – Down South
Delbert McClinton-esque. It's pretty catchy, but way too standard bar band fare to ever make it to the radio. Production is a weak suit here too.
C-

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