Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Sep 9, 2020
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 4, 2020
Kid Rock Takes First Bath in 25 Years
Spurred on by his idea to “wed” country legend Loretta Lynn in a publicity stunt this past weekend, hip-hop/country/rocker Robert James Ritchie (aka Kid Rock) recently took his first bath since 1995.
Mr. Rock, who is mostly just famous for being famous these days, has always been known for his grungy appearance and disheveled clothing but he felt that Loretta Lynn deserved him at his best for their ‘nuptials.’ “I couldn’t marry the queen of country music smelling like …everything and most of it bad…” said Ritchie. “Had to get fresh!”
He reported that the actual act of bathing was a several hour process, requiring multiple cleansing products and several semi-hazardous chemicals. “If I’m being honest,” Kid grinned. “There was a chisel, sandpaper, and a hammer involved.” The bath even had a title sponsor: Mean Green.
Known for his outlandish lifestyle, Rock never bothered to take even a quick shower during the past 25 years, saying he was too busy partying. A Republican, he once ran for US Senate and did not even wash his hands during the entire campaign, which also turned out to be yet another publicity stunt.
“When I was finally through with my bath, you never seen such a f***ing bathtub ring,” he laughed. “If it was on the floor, you’d trip over it.” Rock said there was dirt, sawdust, parking tickets, grease, marijuana stems, an unidentified white powder, stripper glitter, and hair present in the layer of filth circling his tub. He had to hire ServiceMaster to return his bathroom to its pristine condition. “Might be a few years before I’m back in there, but I want it nice for company.” said Ritchie.
At press time, Loretta Lynn was being given a thorough medical exam after her contact with Kid Rock last weekend.
Sep 3, 2020
Gordon Ramsay Country Reaction Gifs
*foul language warning obviously*
If I see Thomas Rhett, Luke Bryan, and FGL all together on the street
When you see that the best mainstream country song of the year, Caylee Hammack's "Small Town Hypocrite" bombed on the charts
The opposite of Vince Gill
Describe Keith Urban's last album
Did you hear about Kane Brown getting lost on his own land?
When your friends says "You're right, mainstream country is awful - give me Tyler Childers and Courtney Patton instead."
If 'that' is a boyfriend country song with snap beats:
When someone says they like Kelsea Ballerini better than Kelsey Waldon
and finally, to mainstream country radio...
Sep 1, 2020
9 One Hit Wonder Country Parody Album Covers
*note - these aren't necessarily the albums that contained the one hit wonder songs*
Aug 31, 2020
Aug 30, 2020
Aug 28, 2020
New Country Act "Megadeth" Signs With Big Machine
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| "David" Mustaine |
by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California March 03, 2011
Scott Borchetta today announced the signing of Megadeth to a three-record deal with Big Machine. Lead singer Dave Mustaine was on hand for the press conference, wearing a Megadeth logo-emblazoned (now in the Bleeding Cowboys font) pearl snap shirt and cowboy hat.
"We're just excited to explore this awesome genre. For years, Megadeth has been a mainstay in hard rock and thrash metal, but we've always had a soft spot for the music that truly makes this country great," explained Mustaine. "If you look back at uh, well... the liner notes for Peace Sells... you'll see that we've always thanked people for their support... and uh, that kind of appreciation is a tenet of country music."
The newly clean-shorn Dave continued: "I've got all of Johnny Cash's records, and I just love the subject matter of country. Murder, drinking, death, spirituality, murder... you know, those are things I love to sing about."
"We'll have to maybe dial down some of the political rhetoric and bloodshed a bit, but I think this established band's work translates well to the country market," said Borchetta. "Besides, most of the older demographic we're shooting for grew up listening to Metallica and Megadeth, so that's where the money is!"
He added: "Oops, did I say that out loud?"
Megadeth's single "Sweating Budweiser" will be sent to country radio on April 1, with a full album entitled Vic Rattlehead Loves America to be released in early summer. A supporting tour for Rascal Flatts will follow.
Aug 27, 2020
Stolen Memes: Hank Jr., Kane Brown, FGL, Possum, etc.
I don't know who made these, unless noted otherwise.
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| Think I'll Just Stay Here and Meme |
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| Vinyl Ranch |
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| Whiskey Riff |
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| We Hate Pop Country |
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