Country Current Events Memes

Country TwitterFAIL: May '16

*Strait

*Strait

Little Known Facts: February 2016

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

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Jason Aldean is actually at the forefront of a new plastic surgery technique known as ballooning. 

Charlie Sheen was the first member of the Florida Georgia Line fan club. 

Taylor Swift wasn't made famous by Kanye West. She was made famous by Saving Country Music.

Recently, members of Sister Hazel were asked about switching to country music. 

They replied: "We didn't; country switched to Sister Hazel". 

Country music isn't evolving, but it is working on its resume for the Darwin Awards.

With the success of his debut album, Wheeler Walker, Jr. is hoping to make 

this his last year working as a kindergarten teacher's aid.

We'd like to proudly announce the Farce the Music Country Festival! 

Kendrick Lamar was offered one million dollars to re-edit his 2015 album 

"To Pimp A Butterfly" into a country album by Curb Records.

Tyler Farr is still on vocal rest because it takes a lot of rest
to sound like a rusty tractor driving through a plate glass window factory.

Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill ain't as good as it once was, but it's restructuring.

"Kane Brown, who's she?" will be the most common reply to 

We Hate Pop Country Facebook posts in 2016.

The Farce the Music Country Festival has been cancelled. Sorry.

It is offensive to use the word "freedom" around a Brantley Gilbert fan. 

Instead, choose terms like "parole" or "weekend pass."

A confused elderly man was recently removed from a Ray Wylie Hubbard show. 

The show went on as scheduled once Ray was let back in. 

A CNN exit poll shows that 67% of Donald Trump voters 

hope he picks Earl Dibbles Jr as his running mate. 

Kanye West Memes: Taylor Swift, Sam Hunt, etc.

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Maddie & Tae "Shut Up & Fish"

Trailer likes these girls for some reason and so do a bunch of other wusses who want to give any singer with real instruments a pass and say their alot closer to real country then other stuff on POPCUNTRY radio. Who cares? Do you want a cookie for not rapping in you're damn song?

I never liked Maddy & Tay, never will. They suck. I don't care if they sang a song making fun of "bros," it was all for the money. They do not deserve any thought. At the end of the day there still shitty pop country. The only chicks singing real country now is NOBODY. Take your Kacey Musgrove and your Ashly Monrow and shove em up your ass with Taylor Swift as far as I'm concerned. They ain't never drove a big rig or worked a tug or plowed a row, so don't talk to me about them bein' country. Loretta Lin was the last real woman country singer cause she raised a mess of kids in a shack and whooped her husband's ass all the time.

Now, lets get into this song. LOL right. As if I'm listening to this. It's called "Shut Up and Fish" so you know its some corny bullshit from the title alone. Brad Paislay called, girls, he wants his career of making dumbass joke songs in to big hits back. Ya'll so-called bloggers and critics just get bent all out of shape over some girls singing with a tiny little drawl and being cute and whatnot. It's a smoke screen and a smoke show. Their hot, nobodies denying that. But that and $1.29 will buy you a Steel Reserve to wash the thought of this crappy song out of you're mind!

It just goes to show you my great taste in country music. I have never heard of Luke Bryan before this month. I don't know what that has to do with this song; theres just a nagging in the back of my brain to say that every day if I have the chance. 

Anyway, somebody call me when Maddey and Taye grab a washboard and a jug and get real. And I don't mean start a jug band, I mean wash my clothes and bring me a drink, LOL. Keep it country!

In the Year 2030: Predictions for Luke Bryan, FGL, etc.

Tyler Hubbard, having blown through $156 million earned during his FGL days, 

takes a job more suited for his skills - guessing fair-goers weights and ages

Singers, songwriters, and musicians now pay music fans to listen to their singles and albums

Parmalee still releasing singles from 2013 album

Jason Aldean's fifth wife takes half his remaining estate in their divorce 

(3 Miller Lites, a subscription to hugejugs.xxx, and a faux vintage Skynyrd t-shirt)

Tyler Farr parks his minivan on his ex-wife's lawn and throws empty craft beer bottles at her window

R Kelly still peeing on people, but now because he is unable to control his bladder

Queen Swift of the UN Worldstate Council has all the music bloggers

who used to make fun of her voice beheaded on live television

Brad Paisley now writing goofy-ass songs about Metamucil, 

retirement funds, and erectile dysfunction

Kenny Chesney has trouble visiting the beach with his old blue walker

Keith Richards cuts back to a pack of cigarettes a day

Casey Donahew Band plots reunion tour. 35-50 year old bros

throughout Texas and Oklahoma brush up on fist-pumping skills

Sam Hunt custom orders Hitler-youth-hairstyle toupé

Every single attendee at summer country music festival arrested for something or other

Colt Ford still doesn't have any hits

Luke Bryan found destitute and crack-addicted in an Atlanta alley, 

clutching a frayed pair of skinny jeans

Little Known Facts: September 2015

Kenny Rogers recently announced his retirement from singing, 

five years after the last time he moved his mouth. 

A 2012 FCC ruling requires all FM stations that broadcast mostly traditional sounding 

country music be placed on a frequency that ends in an even number.

Paparazzi recently caught Jason Aldean in a public restroom 

with his jeans pulled down, attempting to unwad his panties.

In 2014 Gary Levox donated his belly button lint to Eskimos in upper 

Alaska to make new clothes for the village's children.

When classmates at the 10-year high school reunion would ask hick-hop artist Lenny Cooper 

what he does for a living, he'd tell them "foot fetish porn actor" to avoid embarrassment. 

When classmates at the 10-year high school reunion asked Bucky Covington what he does for a living,

he said "I sing with my cover band at high school reunions like this; I didn't actually graduate."

Tyler Hubbard's favorite instrument is GarageBand on a MacBook Air. 

Luke Bryan was late for his newest music video shoot consisting of pretty girls in lifted trucks

due to his Volkswagen having a flat tire on the way to pick up his skinny jeans from the tailor. 

Ryan Adams made his choice of which album to cover by drawing a name from a hat. 

Besides Taylor's 1989, the other options were Chad Brock's Yes!, 

2 Live Crew's Back at Your Ass for the Nine-4, and Trixter 's self-titled debut.

Taylor Swift was so excited when someone told her Ryan Adams 

was covering her album, she Googled his name immediately.

Sam Hunt is so tired of people asking why he considers himself country, 

he's just had t-shirts with "$$$" printed on them to point at during interviews.

If Jason Isbell got a free beer for every time somebody asked about 

his sobriety in an interview, he could… wait, that's just not appropriate.

Shooter Jennings' next release will be a folk album about hard times in the digital era 

entitled Hey Brother, Can You Spare a Bitcoin?

If you stare into a mirror and yell "Yee Yee" three times, 

a drunk skank with a 'Merica tube top will appear and give you a handy.

Thomas Rhett recently had keyless entry installed in his home because he can never find the key. 

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A Trailer & Jeremy Harris Collaborative Effort

A Conversation Between Sam Hunt and Taylor Swift

 

Thanks to Lacy for sending me this pic.

ACM 50: Snarky Twitter Wrap-Up

The old folks showed the young folks how to sing, everybody won an award, Dan + Shay performed with a Jonas brother in one of the most egregious slights against country music ever... so what else happened on last night's ACM Awards? Here's a recap with some (probably out of order) funny Twitter commentary from during the event. Thanks for your help!

 

 

 

 

 

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