Country TwitterFAIL: August '14

More Monday Memes: Trucks, Cole Swindell, etc.

From Jeremy Harris

From Jeremy Harris

Lyrical Satirical: Country B**ches

Country B**ches

©2014 FTM Satire

She's a pair of shorts on a pair of legs

Dancing too close to the tailgate edge

She's a blonde haired blue eyed sexy thang

She's a late night text and a backseat bang

Lord I love them country b**ches

Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches

White girl wasted, weekend wreck

Buyin' us beer on daddy's check

Come around and scratch my itches

Lord I love them country b**ches

She's a big ol' rack in a tiny shirt

Crank some Hank and she can make it twerk

She's tan line teases and licking lips

She's a big ol' booty and a skinny dip

Lord I love them country b**ches

Them howdy y'alls in tiny britches

White girl wasted, weekend wreck

Buyin' us beer on daddy's check

Come around and scratch my itches

Lord I love them country b**ches

Bridge

She's a baby bump at sweet sixteen

Tenth grader in maternity jeans

She's a late night call saying it's mine

But I'm on to the next country girl in line

Lord I love them country b**ches

Them moneymakers in tiny britches

White girl wasted, weekend wreck

Fake phone numbers, names to forget

Come around and scratch my itches

Lord I love them country b**ches

Bro-Country Fan eCards

These are actual unedited comments from bro-country fans on YouTube.

New Video: Maddie & Tae - Girl in a Country Song

Least Essential Country Albums: Joe Diffie, Isbell, FGL, etc.

Whoops. That's an actual album...

By Mike McDermott 

Translating Maggie Rose

Bro-Country Legends V: George Strait

By The Cooper Brothers

Monday Morning Memes: Tim McGraw Slap, Borchetta, etc.

 

Bro-Country Fan eCards

These are actual, unedited YouTube comments from bro-country fans.

What's Worse Than Bro-Country?

Who? Joey Hyde, That's Who.

We Are Bro Country

We Are Bro-Country

(Lyric parody of Hank Jr's "Young Country")

We are bro-country, we are bad ass

Illegitimate children of inbred white trash

Our hair might be faux-hawked, jeans glittered and spiked

We know how to get drunk and go lookin' for fights 

We know what's tight, glass pack exhaust

And if you don't like it, I'll punch you, boss

We name drop the old stuff, but we only like new

And we do our own rappin', blue jean booty slappin'

If you're offended, F you

We are bro country, we ain't too bright

Our music and lifestyles, are big piles of shite

We don't have diplomas, or shirts that fit right

but we know how to bang skanks come Saturday night 

We like Eminem, we get faded to EDM

We like Lil Wayne and Jay-Z and T-Pain

Old Hank would be sick, wait who is old Hank?

We like our country mixed with hip-hop and stank

We are bro-country, we have no pride

Except in our bench press and sweet jacked up rides

Kid Rock would be proud and Fred Durst give props

'cause we like our country with drum loops and bass drops

We like to smoke bowls, we like to roll coal

Don't like it? F u!

I Bet U Caint Even Bate a Huk

(This isn't a political statement so much as one about prideful stupidity. 

I'm actually pretty conservative, but I'd like to disassociate myself from bro-countriers,

people who carry large assault weapons into grocery stores, and coal rollers entirely.)

The Bro in Black?

Thanks to Mike McDermott for this disturbing piece!

Maddie and Tae - Girl in a Country Song (you must hear or read this!)

Maddie and Tae are a new act who are coming onto the scene with quite the announcement of their arrival. The following song (I transcribed the lyrics also) not only takes down bro-country's treatment of women, it also directly calls out some of the offenders - not by name but by catch phrases and hooks from their tunes. We can discuss (or Triggerman can - he's better at that stuff) the paradox/irony/ramifications of a song like this being released by one of Borchetta's labels later, but for now just enjoy. The link is a stream of a wma file (which won't work on a Mac unless you have a VLC Player or something similar). Sorry, that's all that's available at the moment.

Link to hear the song here.

Now Available on iTunes!

Girl in a Country Song

(Written by Maddie (Marlow), Tae(lynn Elizabeth Dye), and Aaron Scherz; 
Performed by Maddie & Tae)

Well I wish I had some shoes on my two bare feet

And it's gettin' kinda cold in these painted-on cut-off jeans

I hate the way this bikini top chafes

Do I really have to wear it all day?

(Yeah baby)

I hear you over there on your tailgate whistlin'

Sayin' "Hey girl," but you know I ain't listenin'

Cause I got a name and to you it ain't

pretty little thing, honey or baby

It's driving me red red red red red red redneck crazy

Being the girl in a country song

How in the world did it go so wrong?

Like all we're good for is looking good for

you and your friends on the weekend, nothin' more

We used to get a little respect

Now we're lucky if we even get

To climb up in the truck, keep our mouth shut, ride along

And be the girl in a country song

Well, shakin' my moneymaker ain't ever made me a dime

And there ain't no sugar for you in this shaker of mine

Tell me one more time you gotta get you some of that

Sure I'll slide on over, but you're gonna get slapped

These days it ain't easy being that…

Girl in a country song

How in the world did it go so wrong?

Like all we're good for is looking good for

you and your friends on the weekend, nothin' more

We used to get a little respect

Now we're lucky if we even get

To climb up in the truck, keep our mouth shut, ride along

And be the girl in a country song

Yep, yep, yep

Aw naw,

Conway and George Strait

Never did it this way

Back in the old days

Aw naw,

We ain't a cliche

That ain't no way

To treat a lady

Like a girl in a country song

How in the world did it go so wrong?

Like all we're good for is looking good for

you and your friends on the weekend, nothin' more

We used to get a little respect

Now we're lucky if we even get

To climb up in the truck, keep our mouth shut, ride along

Down some dirt road we don't even wanna be on

And be the girl in a country song

(Spoken)

Yeah baby

I ain't your tan legged Juliet

Can I put on some real clothes now?

Aw naw

Monday Morning Memes: Darius Rucker, BG, Luke, Dierks