Since I'm on a bunch of pills for my neck problems and can't headbang or have so much as a beer, I expect you all to do this for me tonight.
Dec 31, 2012
Luke Bryan's Top 10 Resolutions for 2013
Thanks to some Twitter and Facebook pals for their contributions!
10. Create a Luke Bryan Signature Line of skinny jorts
9. Try and one-up Randy Travis by having a dead hooker
in the bed of his truck when cops find him passed out - @thegools
8. Perform one song without doing pelvic thrusts - @harriett0312
7. The Holy Grail of pop-country doucheocity: write or cut
a song even dumber than "Country Girl (Shake it For Me)."
6. Re-round his nuts - @ohbuffalo
5. Fit into his (sister's) jeans from 5th grade again - @shelbyjo
4. Rhyme a word with 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban - @BUBBAERVIN
3. Buy stock in Crest White Strips - @Mbarber17
2. Create a Luke Bryan "bobble-legs" (as opposed to a Bobble-head)
1. Get a baseball cap with no bill so he won't waste so much time
figuring out which way is backwards - Shari Geller from Facebook
Dec 30, 2012
Dec 29, 2012
From the Archives: Top 10 Brantley Gilbert New Year's Resolutions for 2012
From December 28, 20011
Thanks to some of my Twitter followers for sending in their submissions!
10. Research old country music to see who else is there to name-drop
- @thebenimal
09. Then see how many of those country legends' names can be crammed into one radio-friendly song
08. To rewrite his Wikipedia page to include that he's an outlaw that can kick anybody's ass because he listens to Johnny Cash. - @iankevans
07. Attempt to beat Matthew McConaughey for most times photographed shirtless in a year
06. Get a personalized Axe fragrance
05. Do a duet with Jason Aldean about how country we are and proud
- @AikoujOi
04. Make an album blending a modern edge with traditional and authentic outlaw country, eschewing clichés and putting forth his honest artistic statement, with making good music being the focus, not money. Ha ha, just kidding! More of the same shit!
03. Own more shirts with sleeves
- @alymae
02. Actually find a station playing Cash, Hank, Willie & Waylon
- @erikflatt
01. Lose 10 lbs so he can fit into his wallet chain from high school.
- @shelbyjo
Dec 28, 2012
YouTube Gems: Smashing Pumpkins
From one of the most surprisingly satisfying albums of 2012, Smashing Pumpkins' true comeback record Oceania, here they are with "Pinwheels."
Dec 27, 2012
Top 10 Songs of 2012
No commentary on these. I'll just let the music speak for itself.
1. The Gaslight Anthem - Here Comes My Man
from Handwritten
from Handwritten
2. Lee Bains III and The Glory Fires - Righteous, Ragged Songs
from There is a Bomb in Gilead
from There is a Bomb in Gilead
3. Arliss Nancy - 40's
from Simple Machines
from Simple Machines
(Track hosted for streaming purposes only. No claim is made to copyright.
Song is not downloadable despite language in the graphic which suggests otherwise.)
Song is not downloadable despite language in the graphic which suggests otherwise.)
5. The Trishas - Over Forgiving You
from High, Wide and Handsome
from High, Wide and Handsome
6. Jason Eady - AM Country Heaven
from AM Country Heaven
from AM Country Heaven
7. Turnpike Troubadours - Good Lord Lorrie
from Goodbye Normal Street
from Goodbye Normal Street
8. Killer Mike - Big Beast
from R.A.P. Music
from R.A.P. Music
9. The Mavericks - Come Unto Me
from Suited Up and Ready EP
from Suited Up and Ready EP
10. Some Dark Holler - Chords Are Always the Same
from Hollow Chest
from Hollow Chest
A few more honorable mentions:
John D. Hale Band - Desperate People
Hayes Carll - Love Don't Let Me Down (feat. Caitlin Rose)
The Dirty Guv'nahs - Dear Alice
Dec 26, 2012
Top Songs of 2012 - (Very!) Honorable Mentions
These are the songs released in 2012 that fell outside my top 10, but I felt were worthy of mention...
not only mention, but excited proclamation actually. 2012 was a banner year for music -
mostly outside of the mainstream, though there were some true mainstream gems.
Here are FTM's honorable mentions for top songs of 2012, in no particular order.
Kacey Musgraves - Merry Go 'Round (Mainstream Country Song of the Year)
Fistful of Beard - White Bluff
Dwight Yoakam - It's Never Alright
The Departed - Prayer for the Lonely
Shooter Jennings - The Long Road Ahead
The Pollies - Ashes of Burned Out Stars
Horsehead - God Damned the Rain to Fall
Brent Cobb - Diggin' Holes
Ronnie Fauss - This Year
Corb Lund - One Left in the Chamber
Uncle Lucius - Pocket Full of Misery
Kendrick Lamar - B*tch, Don't Kill My Vibe
Ryan Bingham - Western Shore
Kathleen Edwards - A Soft Place to Land
fun. - Some Nights
Zac Brown Band - The Wind
Bonnie Raitt - You Can't Fail Me Now
Alabama Shakes - Heartbreaker
Gretchen Peters - The Matador
ZZ Top - I Gotsta Get Paid
EL-P - The Full Retard
Darrell Scott - Dance in the Darkness
Alan Jackson - So You Don't Have to Love Me Anymore
Alan Jackson - So You Don't Have to Love Me Anymore
The Deadfields - Carolina Backroads
Kellie Pickler - Long As I Never See You Again
Smashing Pumpkins - Pinwheels
Blackberry Smoke - Crimson Moon
Lucero - Like Lightning
Marty Stuart - Sundown in Nashville
Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Some Depression
Roger Creager - Bad Friend to a Good Man
Soundgarden - Blood on the Valley Floor
Josh Abbott Band - Flatland Farmer
Bruce Springsteen - Land of Hope and Dreams
Japandroids - The House that Heaven Built
Old Crow Medicine Show - Ain't It Enough
Lindi Ortega - Use Me
Frank Ocean - Thinkin' About You
Gary Clark Jr. - You Saved Me
Taylor Swift "I Knew You Were Trouble" eCard
Because I'm too lazy and holiday-hungover to come up with my own ideas at the moment, here's a companion eCard to Trigger's new video review of T-Swift's new song... all credit goes to him for the idea.
Dec 24, 2012
Have a Good One!
Merry Christmas (or have a good Tuesday)!
We'll see you back here Wednesday... probably.
Dec 23, 2012
Dec 22, 2012
Saturday Night Christmas Music: Robert Earl Keen
I have probably posted this before and will definitely post it again. Why wouldn't I?
From the Archives: What Xmas is All About
From Dec. 8, 2008
What Xmas is All About
©2008 FTM Satires
Neighbor was in his yard one December morn
Arranging some little dolls and a toy barn
Said it was something called a nativity scene
I just shook my head, decided to be nice
And offered him some neighborly advice
"Friend, don't you know what Christmas really means?"
Chorus
Man, it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Hickory Farms and half price sales
And Shriners riding go-carts at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Santa and pudding figs
Just helpin' out,
now you know what Christmas is all about
He just stared at me like my nose was on fire
Looked at my big sleigh suspended by wires
Asked me "Ain't you ever heard of the virgin birth?"
Said "If I want a sermon, I'll go to church"
He said "That's the reason we celebrate"
I had to laugh, but then I set him straight
Chorus 2
Cause It's a Wonderful Life and that mean ol' Grinch
It's my pants size going up an inch
It's window flocking, Christmas tree rocking and huge Walmart crowds
It's fruit cake, cookies and big shiny balls
It's getting drunk to put up with inlaws
Man get a clue,
now you know what Christmas is all about
Bridge
He said "Merry Christmas" and walked away
Stuck some little baby down in the hay
He'll never learn...
That it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Overstock dot com and half price sales
It's Santa on the firetruck at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Frosty and pudding figs
He just doesn't understand what Christmas is all about
Dec 21, 2012
YouTube Gems: Brent Cobb Covers Merle
From the guy with FTM's favorite EP of 2012, here's Brent Cobb with a cover of Merle Haggard's "If We Make It Through December."
Dec 20, 2012
Memes Memes Memes: Aldean, Ford, Moore, more...
Here are some guest submissions I asked for in a "contest" of sorts on Facebook and Twitter. The first place winner, who gets 2 CDs from my review stash, is Andrew who sent the Aldean meme. The second place winner, who gets 1 CD from the review stash, is Anna, with the "Georgia" meme. Thanks for all the submissions!
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