Dec 31, 2012

Party Hard!

Since I'm on a bunch of pills for my neck problems and can't headbang or have so much as a beer, I expect you all to do this for me tonight.

Happy New Year! YouTube Gem


Luke Bryan's Top 10 Resolutions for 2013

Thanks to some Twitter and Facebook pals for their contributions!

10. Create a Luke Bryan Signature Line of skinny jorts

9. Try and one-up Randy Travis by having a dead hooker
in the bed of his truck when cops find him passed out - @thegools

8. Perform one song without doing pelvic thrusts - @harriett0312

7. The Holy Grail of pop-country doucheocity: write or cut
a song even dumber than "Country Girl (Shake it For Me)."

6. Re-round his nuts - @ohbuffalo

5. Fit into his (sister's) jeans from 5th grade again - @shelbyjo

4. Rhyme a word with 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban - @BUBBAERVIN

3. Buy stock in Crest White Strips - @Mbarber17

2. Create a Luke Bryan "bobble-legs" (as opposed to a Bobble-head)

1. Get a baseball cap with no bill so he won't waste so much time 
figuring out which way is backwards - Shari Geller from Facebook

New Year's Toast eCard

Dec 29, 2012

Saturday Night Music: Fifth on the Floor

From the Archives: Top 10 Brantley Gilbert New Year's Resolutions for 2012

From December 28, 20011

Thanks to some of my Twitter followers for sending in their submissions!

10. Research old country music to see who else is there to name-drop
- @thebenimal

09. Then see how many of those country legends' names can be crammed into one radio-friendly song

08. To rewrite his Wikipedia page to include that he's an outlaw that can kick anybody's ass because he listens to Johnny Cash. - @iankevans

07. Attempt to beat Matthew McConaughey for most times photographed shirtless in a year

06. Get a personalized Axe fragrance

05. Do a duet with Jason Aldean about how country we are and proud
- @AikoujOi

04. Make an album blending a modern edge with traditional and authentic outlaw country, eschewing clichés and putting forth his honest artistic statement, with making good music being the focus, not money. Ha ha, just kidding! More of the same shit!

03. Own more shirts with sleeves
- @alymae

02. Actually find a station playing Cash, Hank, Willie & Waylon
- @erikflatt

01. Lose 10 lbs so he can fit into his wallet chain from high school.
- @shelbyjo

Dec 27, 2012

Late Christmas Brantley Gilbert Meme

Thanks for sending the pic, Anna!

Top 10 Songs of 2012

No commentary on these. I'll just let the music speak for itself.

1. The Gaslight Anthem - Here Comes My Man
from Handwritten

2. Lee Bains III and The Glory Fires - Righteous, Ragged Songs
from There is a Bomb in Gilead

3. Arliss Nancy - 40's
from Simple Machines
(Track hosted for streaming purposes only. No claim is made to copyright. 
Song is not downloadable despite language in the graphic which suggests otherwise.)

4. Chris Knight - Nothin' On Me
from Little Victories

5. The Trishas - Over Forgiving You
from High, Wide and Handsome

6. Jason Eady - AM Country Heaven
from AM Country Heaven

7. Turnpike Troubadours - Good Lord Lorrie
from Goodbye Normal Street

8. Killer Mike - Big Beast
from R.A.P. Music

9. The Mavericks - Come Unto Me
from Suited Up and Ready EP

10. Some Dark Holler - Chords Are Always the Same
from Hollow Chest

A few more honorable mentions: 
John D. Hale Band - Desperate People
Hayes Carll - Love Don't Let Me Down (feat. Caitlin Rose)
The Dirty Guv'nahs - Dear Alice

Country TwitterFAIL: December '12

Dec 26, 2012

Top Songs of 2012 - (Very!) Honorable Mentions

These are the songs released in 2012 that fell outside my top 10, but I felt were worthy of mention... 
not only mention, but excited proclamation actually. 2012 was a banner year for music - 
mostly outside of the mainstream, though there were some true mainstream gems. 
Here are FTM's honorable mentions for top songs of 2012, in no particular order.

Kacey Musgraves - Merry Go 'Round (Mainstream Country Song of the Year)
Fistful of Beard - White Bluff
Dwight Yoakam - It's Never Alright
The Departed - Prayer for the Lonely
Shooter Jennings - The Long Road Ahead

The Pollies - Ashes of Burned Out Stars

Horsehead - God Damned the Rain to Fall
Brent Cobb - Diggin' Holes

Ronnie Fauss - This Year

Corb Lund - One Left in the Chamber
Uncle Lucius - Pocket Full of Misery
Kendrick Lamar - B*tch, Don't Kill My Vibe
Ryan Bingham - Western Shore
Kathleen Edwards - A Soft Place to Land
fun. - Some Nights
Zac Brown Band - The Wind
Bonnie Raitt - You Can't Fail Me Now

Alabama Shakes - Heartbreaker

Gretchen Peters - The Matador

ZZ Top - I Gotsta Get Paid

EL-P - The Full Retard
Darrell Scott - Dance in the Darkness
Alan Jackson - So You Don't Have to Love Me Anymore
The Deadfields - Carolina Backroads
Smashing Pumpkins - Pinwheels
Blackberry Smoke - Crimson Moon

Lucero - Like Lightning

Marty Stuart - Sundown in Nashville
Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Some Depression
Roger Creager - Bad Friend to a Good Man

Soundgarden - Blood on the Valley Floor

Josh Abbott Band - Flatland Farmer
Bruce Springsteen - Land of Hope and Dreams

Japandroids - The House that Heaven Built

Old Crow Medicine Show - Ain't It Enough
Lindi Ortega - Use Me
Frank Ocean - Thinkin' About You

Gary Clark Jr. - You Saved Me

Taylor Swift "I Knew You Were Trouble" eCard

Because I'm too lazy and holiday-hungover to come up with my own ideas at the moment, here's a companion eCard to Trigger's new video review of T-Swift's new song... all credit goes to him for the idea.

Condescending Wonka Weighs in on Your Christmas Present

Dec 22, 2012

Saturday Night Christmas Music: Robert Earl Keen

I have probably posted this before and will definitely post it again. Why wouldn't I?

From the Archives: What Xmas is All About

From Dec. 8, 2008

What Xmas is All About
©2008 FTM Satires

Neighbor was in his yard one December morn
Arranging some little dolls and a toy barn

Said it was something called a nativity scene
I just shook my head, decided to be nice
And offered him some neighborly advice
"Friend, don't you know what Christmas really means?"

Man, it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Hickory Farms and half price sales
And Shriners riding go-carts at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Santa and pudding figs
Just helpin' out, 
now you know what Christmas is all about

He just stared at me like my nose was on fire
Looked at my big sleigh suspended by wires
Asked me "Ain't you ever heard of the virgin birth?"
Said "If I want a sermon, I'll go to church"
He said "That's the reason we celebrate"
I had to laugh, but then I set him straight

Chorus 2
Cause It's a Wonderful Life and that mean ol' Grinch
It's my pants size going up an inch
It's window flocking, Christmas tree rocking and huge Walmart crowds
It's fruit cake, cookies and big shiny balls
It's getting drunk to put up with inlaws
Man get a clue, 
now you know what Christmas is all about

He said "Merry Christmas" and walked away
Stuck some little baby down in the hay
He'll never learn...

That it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Overstock dot com and half price sales
It's Santa on the firetruck at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Frosty and pudding figs
He just doesn't understand what Christmas is all about

A little Destiny's Child circa 2001 related Santa humor

Dec 20, 2012

Memes Memes Memes: Aldean, Ford, Moore, more...

Here are some guest submissions I asked for in a "contest" of sorts on Facebook and Twitter. The first place winner, who gets 2 CDs from my review stash, is Andrew who sent the Aldean meme. The second place winner, who gets 1 CD from the review stash, is Anna, with the "Georgia" meme. Thanks for all the submissions!


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