Country Day March '13 Part 1: Eric Church, Darius, etc.

Monday Morning Memes: Luke, Band Perry, Bowersox

From Jon Bray

From Jon Bray

From Jeremy Harris

3 Up 3 Down: February '13

3 Up

George Strait - Give It All We Got Tonight
It's a new song from King George. What else do you need me to say? I'm just happy it's getting airplay and is steadily rising up the charts. Not the best song of his career, far from the worst...but it's George.
B+


Miranda Lambert - Mama's Broken Heart
This is the kind of song that made Miranda famous, but better written. She's taken the "wronged girl dealing with a breakup" theme and infused it with more wit and personality than she was capable of earlier in her career. Comparing a more genteel generation's coping mechanisms to her own wide-open approach, Lambert salvages the weak (for her) single era of her Four the Record album with a gem.
A


Lee Brice - I Drive Your Truck
The title had me wincing before I ever heard the song. Being the open-minded individual I am (okay, I was hoping to be able to make fun of it), I gave it a shot and was shocked. This isn't the first "drive the vehicle of a departed soldier to honor and remember him" song (Bobby Pinson did it a little better with the Tracy Lawrence cut "If I Don't Make it Back"), but it's full of passion and power. The more hard-hearted among us won't be able to get past the title and the Nashville-sheen, and that's a shame. "I Drive Your Truck" is a strong contender for mainstream country song of the year.
A-


3 Down


Jason Aldean (w/Luke Bryan and Eric Church) - The Only Way I Know
This is more of a talking-country song than a hick-hop song. That's literally the only thing I can say about the song that isn't negative. It shoots for the top of the charts by offsetting the lack of melody and substance with star power. Luke Bryan's corny flow is the only thing that gives the single any semblance of personality. Eric Church, too cool to rap, phones in his bridge. It's another typical "we're country and this is what we do in the country" song that will be tossed on the scrapheap of unmemorable #1 hits that Nashville churns out like sliced bread these days.
F

Blake Shelton - Sure Be Cool If You Did
Blake's latest pop-country confection starts with awkward slang (I was gonna keep it real like chill...) then drops off into drudgery and kowtowing to the young female demographic. If this is where "one of those people that gets to decide" where country is going is taking it, I'm not on-board.
D-

The Henningsens - American Beautiful
Oh joy. Another vocal band a'la Gloriana and Lady Antebellum. Because there aren't enough of those. Another country song with "America" or "American" in the title. Because we're suffering from a lack of vaguely patriotic songs about country girls. The other day I was listening to the country station (because my 5 year old wanted to) and apparently this song played right before Gloriana's latest. I thought it was just one really long, boring tune until the DJ said that, in fact, it was two separate songs.
D

Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes???

*editor's note: I didn't like Eric Church back then - I do now*

Honest Eric Church Radio Promo Ad

Lyric Parody: The Only Way I Pose (Aldean, Bryan, Church)

The Only Way I Pose

(Parody of "The Only Way I Know" by Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan and Eric Church)

(Jason:)

Well, I stand up here but I don't dance around

Where my lips pour out a kinda whiny sound

Jeans so tight they injure my pair

Telling you I'm country's all I've got to share

I just cover rock music in dust

So country radio don't make a fuss

Sometimes I rap, soccer moms love the fun

Let 'em see my Wrangler buns

That’s the only way I pose

Country for the bros and ho's

Lame-ass songs and wallet chains

Make them dollaz, make it rain

Pluck guitar, I'm holdin'

Can't play it but you don't know it

Dig a little deeper and you won't find anything more

That’s the only way I pose

(Luke:)

The truth, it hurts ‒ I'm a straight-up tool

Used to sing okay till I had you fooled

Country twang to country corny

Found out how to make dumb girls horny

Dance around in my skin tight denim

There ain't even a set of balls in 'em

Bump and grind in my jeans so shiny

Gonna turn round and let you see my hiney

That’s the only way I pose

Country for the bros and ho's

Lame-ass songs and booty shakes

Boom boom speakers, make it rain

Smile big till you're blinded

Credibility, I can't find it

Dig a little deeper and you won't find anything more

That’s the only way I pose

(Eric:)

Behind shades, to the bank I'm laughin'

but I'm way too cool to join in rappin'

I'm an outlaw who's as safe as he can be

That’s the only way I pose

Country for the bros and ho's

Arrogance and indoor shades

Get some cred off Waylon's name

Hey ladies, no peakin'

Just show my ass when I'm speakin'

Dig a little deeper and you won't find anything more

That’s the only way I pose

(All together now)

That’s the only way we pose

Country for the bros and ho's

Diggin' graves, in soft ground

Buryin' the country sounds

Bank vaults are wide open

Hey Jason, stop that gropin'

Dig a little deeper and you won't find anything more

That’s the only way we pose

That's the only way we pose

Top 10 Dumbest Things You Can Do at a Country Concert

Rolling Stone published this list of the 10 most annoying concert behaviors recently. It's true and all, but maybe... they've never been to a country concert?

Soooo....

Top 10 Dumbest Things You Can Do at a Country Concert

10.  Get so drunk you trade glittery dragon jeans with some dude in the bathroom

9. Loudly complain "Who is this Hellbound Glory crap? We want Kid Rock!"

8. Bum beers off friends ...with a $36 Jake Owen concert shirt hanging over your shoulder

7. Break a restraining order because you just had to see how beautiful

your ex would look singing along to "Cruise"

6.  Play air guitar during a piano solo

5. Yell "Play 'Country Must Be Countrywide!'"

4. Smoke during "Smoke a Little Smoke," hold up boots during "These Boots,"

feel up underage girls during "Creepin'"

3. Call your lawyer about suing the arena after you slip in some urine (yours) by your seat

2. Sing along to the three hits, not recognize the album cuts and complain about what a dumb song the Waylon cover is

1. Realize you're at a Luke Bryan show

*Gif image you will never unsee blatantly stolen from http://-dixiefried.tumblr.com/

Sweet Brown Knows

Eatin' (Lyric Parody of Eric Church's "Creepin'")

Eatin'

(Parody of Eric Church's "Creepin'")

Like a kitty cat scratchin' on my insides

Feelin' hunger pangs, needin' something fried

From my truck I can smell the meat

Take a run through Burger King

And be eatin', eatin', eatin', eatin',

I pulled outta there with a Whopper and fries

Pants gettin' tight so I unzipped my fly

Since the day you left me baby 

I can feel the lonely, the hungry and lazy

So I'm eatin', eatin', Just a eatin', eatin',

Head to McDonalds, run to Five Guys

Feel Whataburger growin' my thighs

With an empty heart, gotta fill up my belly

Pancakes with molasses and biscuits with jelly

Just a eatin', eatin'

A quarter pound of greasy love

Got ketchup and A-1 flowing through my blood

That Baconator takes over me

Like gravy pouring on some savory beef

Just a eatin', eatin', Just a eatin', eatin',

Head to the Quiznos, Jack in the Box

My Levis Strausses, ridin' my crotch

And you can't forget the Doritos Tacos

Kinda like ranch dressing on top of my nachos

Just a eatin', eatin'

Just last night I saw the light

Of the sign at Bojangles, took a 20 piece ride

Thought I’d find my way out of this weight gain

Only to wind up at Chick-fil-a

Eatin'

Honest Ad for New Aldean, Church, Bryan Song

Monday Morning Memes: Garth Brooks, Eric Church, etc.

3 Up 3 Down: October '12

3 Up

Kacey Musgraves - Merry Go 'Round

This song is EXACTLY what country radio needs right now: an infusion of reality. I don't mean scripted reality, I mean the gritty, hard-working, regret-filled reality that most people actually live. This track reminds me of a lot of Lori McKenna songs, but Kacey definitely has her own voice here, relating the resignation of a life settled for in a small town. Also reminiscent of Miranda Lambert's quieter tunes, but "Merry Go 'Round" is more powerful than anything she's released in a while. It's getting some early buzz and adds at radio - let's just hope the powers that be don't wuss out and let this great song go the way of other recent downers.

A

Gary Allan - Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain)

This song isn't particularly country sounding, but at least it gets away from the angry-sounding rock of Allan's recent work. His voice is given room to shine and shine it does, bringing back the falsetto and the feeling of some of his early work. Even if it's no "Smoke Rings in the Dark," it's comforting to have Gary Allan back on the radio, sounding as great as ever.

B+

Eric Church - Creepin'

Swampy, atmospheric and just weird, as country radio goes, "Creepin'" is a song that only someone with Church's track record could release to country radio with a straight face (okay, anybody not named Borchetta). Though the instrumentation is pretty rocked-out, the imagery and Eric's voice are undeniably country. If country music MUST stray from its roots further and further each year, this is an okay direction for it to go. "Creepin'" is well-written, strongly performed and 180° from everything else in the top 40.

A-

3 Down

Florida-Georgia Line - Cruise

See if any of this sounds new and unique to you: "Chevy with a lift kit," "farm town," "down a back road," "bikini top," "long tanned legs" …anything? Bueller? Throw in some auto-tune, poor grammar ("baby, you a song") and the fact that this song fits right into the Aldean/Bryan/Gilbert trend and you've got another band FTM's going to hate on for the foreseeable future. And I'll even admit the chorus is catchy as hell - almost guilty pleasure catchy - but all the negatives just take it too far in the wrong direction.

D+

Brantley Gilbert - Kick It In the Sticks

See if any of THIS sounds new and unique to you: "barbed wire, moonshine, whiskey" (yes, that's in ONE line), "bon fire," "Skynyrd and George Strait," "bikini tops and Daisy Duke denim," "skinny dippin'" ….anything? Didn't think so. Is this a Farce the Music parody lyric? Nope. Also, in case you haven't heard this, it's basically a metal song. Seriously. It's way heavier than Jason Aldean's "She's Country," which was basically an AC/DC castoff. And BG and Scott Borchetta have the audacity to release this to country radio? Give me a break and stop it with the motherf**king son of a b*tch ass crap sh*t damn f**k c*** d**k $#%^ trucks.

F

Chris Cagle - Let There Be Cowgirls

Yet another rock song, but at least there are some fiddles and whatnot to keep it a little country. George Strait already did this one so much better with "How Bout Them Cowgirls." "World" and "cowgirls" are rhymed here, what else do you need to know? Cliché as you imagine. There's nothing at all in this song to distinguish it, unless you count the hair-metalesque guitar solo. Cagle came back onto the scene with a country listing song, now he's trying to keep his foot in the door with a female-empowerment anthem that really has nothing to say. Cagle was never an A-lister, but he used to be so much better than this.

F

Lower Broadway Country Bar Cover Singer 4

Eric Church eCard

Eric Church's New Single Cover Revealed

No really, that actually is the cover of his new single. I didn't have to parody it or anything. What's next? Country stars with their own undead mascots like metal bands used to have?

I'm Sorry, This Exists 7

This

Luke Bryan Pillowcase

Miranda Lambert Phone Cover (w/Bleeding Cowboys Font)

Wynonna Muscle Shirt

Luke Bryan Zipper Case

Luke Bryan Onesie

Taylor Swift Celebrity Mask

Taylor Swift (?) Oil Painting

Zombie Johnny Cash T-shirt

George Strait Collectible Spoon

Hunter Hayes Fan Fiction

Country Fireworks!

Have a good time with your grilling, drinking and firework shooting today, but please be careful if you pick up any of the following fireworks products!

Kids buy 'em because the packaging looks cool. Cheap and cheaply made.

When you light them, all they do is hiss and emit a cloud of smoke and, at best, 

build a tiny pile of insignificant, foul-smelling ash.

Kids adore them! Cheap and flashy.

People over the age of 25 realize that they aren't actual fireworks, just

crappy novelties good for 2-3 minutes of "fun."

Pretend to be a stronger version of a bomb that was outlawed years ago.

Really just a renamed and repackaged version of what they already sold in the first place.

Makes a loud noise, but doesn't have much power.

Birthday Country Day: Parody Covers Part 2

Here's Part 3.

Monday Morning Country Memes: Tim McGraw, Eric Church etc.