Showing posts with label Lil Wayne. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lil Wayne. Show all posts

Jul 8, 2014

We Are Bro Country

We Are Bro-Country
(Lyric parody of Hank Jr's "Young Country")

We are bro-country, we are bad ass
Illegitimate children of inbred white trash
Our hair might be faux-hawked, jeans glittered and spiked
We know how to get drunk and go lookin' for fights 

We know what's tight, glass pack exhaust
And if you don't like it, I'll punch you, boss
We name drop the old stuff, but we only like new
And we do our own rappin', blue jean booty slappin'
If you're offended, F you

We are bro country, we ain't too bright
Our music and lifestyles, are big piles of shite
We don't have diplomas, or shirts that fit right
but we know how to bang skanks come Saturday night 

We like Eminem, we get faded to EDM
We like Lil Wayne and Jay-Z and T-Pain
Old Hank would be sick, wait who is old Hank?
We like our country mixed with hip-hop and stank

We are bro-country, we have no pride
Except in our bench press and sweet jacked up rides
Kid Rock would be proud and Fred Durst give props
'cause we like our country with drum loops and bass drops
We like to smoke bowls, we like to roll coal
Don't like it? F u!

May 22, 2013

Lyrical Satirical: This Song is for Summer

This Song Is For Summer
©2013 FTM Satire

Aw hell yeah it's summer again
Time to drop a tailgate with your redneck friends
Text up some honeys in cut off jeans
Sugar shaker, donkadonk, know what I mean?
Crank some Lil Wayne in a country mood
Pass around some moonshine we bought at Whole Foods
Let's get rowdy like Hank would do
Hey, check out my new Duck Dynasty tattoo

This song is for summer, y'all
Those three months after spring and just before fall
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Yeehaw boys, yeah I got some swag
Got a Mud Life sticker and truck nutz that drag
Old farts hatin' cause I drop some rhymes
But that's how we do country in the summertime
Shotgun, old truck, some other cliche
Gather round the fire and I'll sing you some Kanye
Feet on the dash, let the night commence
Who cares if this tune doesn't make any sense?

This song is for summer, y'all
Those three months after spring and just before fall
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Bridge (spoken)
And now a word from our sponsor:
It's hot out there while you're partying with your homeyz
Try something a little different!
Bud Light Lime.
It's Bud Light, with a twist!

Back to this song for summer, son
Put it out in March so it's a June number one
Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber
Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Sep 20, 2012

iHeartRadio Music Festival Parody Album Covers

As some of you may know, I won a trip to Vegas for the iHeartRadio Music Festival this weekend. If it weren't for the fact that it's a FREE TRIP TO VEGAS, I wouldn't be going - the lineup isn't exciting enough to spend a boatload of cash on. On the bill are Jason Aldean, Taylor Swift, Pink, Aerosmith, Green Day, Lil Wayne and others. I'm pretty excited to see Miranda Lambert - I hear the Pistol Annies may be there for a few songs. Anyway, here are a few parody album covers from some of the acts that will appear. There may be a report on the shows next week.

Dec 28, 2011

Most Disappointing Albums of 2011

I've gotten to the point in my life that I just don't listen to bad albums. That's why you probably won't get a "Worst Albums of (whatever year)" list from me anytime soon. If I listen to a few songs and I hate them, I'm not going to waste my time hoping those were anomalies. These are 2011 releases that I had high hopes for but was let down.

Yelawolf - Radioactive
My initial semi-praise of this album seems overstated now. I've hardly played the album since the week after its release. It's not so much Yelawolf that's the problem here… it's the fact that there's so little recognizable as the Yelawolf I'd come to know and enjoy on his previous releases and mixtapes. I wanted southern culture on the skids (not the band, the thematic element). I wanted hard edges; damn the mainstream, make the mainstream come to you. Instead I got an inconsistent mishmash of sappy crossover hooks and "hard" love songs with a couple of nods to the past mixed in. Can an artist sell out on their first real album?

Reckless Kelly - Good Luck and True Love
Dumb lyrics sink this ship, period. Sure, these guys have never been Townes Van Zandt with electric guitars, but still. At least work on the words long enough that they aren't noticeable. I'm trying to come up with a comparison to an NBA ref… you don't even notice the good ones…. but that's not quite right; lyrics are important and most times I believe they should stand on their own… strip the music away and they're still enthralling. If you can't do that, at least run them by a Nashville song committee and let them blandify the lyrics so they fade into the background. These guys sound tired, and this was the year little brother (Micky and the Motorcars) finally beat up big brother.

Drive-by Truckers - Go-Go Boots
This album isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things, I'm just sick of the sad old man music. I'm sick of being lulled to sleep by one of the most badass rock bands in America. You've got those guitars in your hands and that whiskey in your glasses… put 'em to better use! Don't get me wrong, there are some great tunes on here (Used to Be a Cop, Mercy Buckets), but if I want almost entirely slow, depressing story-songs, I'll listen to Gordon Lightfoot. Pick up the pace!

Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers - Unida Cantina
They phoned this one in. Yawner of the first degree. RCPM is one of my go-to bands for comfortable heartland by way of the southwest rock music. Comfort is good, drudgery is not. I'm not sure what they were shooting for with the dopey album-opener "All Over the Radio." It sounds like they were going for a pop radio crossover when there's no bridge available for bands of this ilk to even cross. The lyrics aren't up to the standards set by previous releases (pre-No More Beautiful World) and most of the album sounds uninspired. "Empty Highway" is the only song that stuck with me.

The Jayhawks - Mockingbird Time
Again, not actually bad… but with the reunion of the original vocalists, I was expecting a homerun. The swelling melodies I'd hoped for are restrained. The big hooks I love are nowhere to be heard. Can they not hit the high notes anymore? I doubt it, and when you've got long range assault rifles in the arsenal, why just fire the pellet guns?

Lil Wayne - Tha Carter IV
Wayne still has a way with the one-liner, but this album just feels like a long string of puns. The beats are boring and the songs just don't hold together. A couple of old-school feeling tracks were winners (Blunt Blowin', 6 Foot 7 Foot) but the rest was difficult to listen to more than a couple times. For as much hype as this album had coming in, it has to be considered the biggest failure of the year.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - I'm With You
RHCP has enough cred in the bank that I'm going to check out anything they release, despite recent sparse and dull output. So, how was this one? Sparse and dull. You've got two of the most exciting artists of the past few decades (Flea and Anthony Kiedis) still in the fold and this is the result? As Andrew from put it: "Five years of waiting, and they release an album that sounds like the B-sides of Stadium Arcadium (which was also disappointing)." Amen.

Note - The only truly awful album I listened to from start to finish this year was Justin Moore's Outlaws Like Me, which (as I said yesterday) is basically just a long string of "how damn country I am" tunes with lyrics a teenager could slap together.

Dec 21, 2011

If ____ Wrote a Christmas Song: 2011 Edition

If Yelawolf wrote a Christmas song
Catfish Billy gettin' ready
Delivering gifts in a big box Chevy
Got meth and speed and Oxycontin
Everything the girls and boys are wantin'
If you on the naughty list, get shotgun pellets

If Hank3 wrote a Christmas song
I been drinkin' and druggin' underneath the mistletoe
I'm a crazed Christmas rebel from long ago
Always courtin' trouble and I'm always on the run
Got a hooker named Noel, snorting blow off her buns

If Lil Wayne wrote a Christmas song
I got the toys like Geoffry giraffe
And you're Dane Cook, can't make me laugh
Ain't got the gifts the ho ho ho's need
Joy to the *&^@#$ (*@#$ @!###$ let's smoke weed

If Toby Keith wrote a Christmas song
I love you, red Santa hat
On a old man who's fat
It's made in 'merica!
It's made in 'merica!

If Miranda Lambert wrote a Christmas song
Silver bells, shotgun shells
It's Christmas in Tishomingo
Aim your shot, see 'em drop
Soon Rudolph will be filleted

If Willie Nelson wrote a Christmas song
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
That's how I celebrate the yule
Where the smoke is funky
And I got munchies
Let's stop for ribs and biofuel

If Brantley Gilbert wrote a Christmas song
Cut off jeans and country boy's kiss
That's what's on her Christmas list
Santa's ridin' down an old dirt road
Sippin' spiked eggnog from the console
Johnny Paycheck was an outlaw
I wish you Merry Christmas, y'all

Dec 28, 2010

10 Worst Albums of 2010

A qualifier first: When I say "worst," I mean "the worst I've heard." When I say "the worst I've heard," that doesn't include some obvious offenders I may have listened to once out of curiosity or for a review, so you won't see entries from folks like Kid Rock or Rascal Flatts on here. My 10 worst albums of 2010 is comprised of albums I listened to 3 or more times with the expectation that I would or possibly might enjoy said albums. It was not to be with these 10.

Santana - Guitar Heaven
The melding of one of the greatest guitarists of all time with popular rock singers performing eternal rock classics… sounds good on paper right? Wrong! So wrong. This turd features a grand total of zero songs that were worth the effort. In fact, most of it is flat-out unlistenable. The worst of the bunch? Predictable names hated by the critics ….Gavin Rossdale turns in a cardboard performance of "Bang a Gong" and Scott Stapp destroys "Fortunate Son." Guitar Heaven isn't just a bad album, it's an affront to classic rock and a black mark on Santana's legacy. Somebody stop him, please.

Sugarland - The Incredible Machine
This is a frickin' mess, but as Levar Burton used to say, you don't have to take my word for it.

Lil Wayne - Rebirth
This album doesn't prove rock and rap can't coexist. It merely proves Lil Wayne and rock don't work well together. Wayne sounds okay here, and the music isn't horrible… the songs are just so haphazardly thrown together. Hip-hop may not always depend on focused songwriting, but rock does and nothing here comes together the way it should. No big deal; Wayne has already put out another album since, and has the highly anticipated Tha Carter 4 on the way.
"Drop the World" ft. Eminem

Shooter Jennings and Hierophant - Black Ribbons
Shooter's big concept album falls flat after about 2 listens. There are a couple of good songs in the mix, God Bless Alabama in particular, but they do little to bring this mess together. I'm not a Shooter fan, but I keep checking out his new material hoping some of his birthright talent shines through. Aside from a few good songs, not yet.

John Mellencamp - No Better Than This
Some will feature this album on their best of lists; not me. While the concept is strong: Mellencamp with an ensemble, recording stripped down folk, rock and country-ish tunes in mono, the final product is listless and flat. John sounds disinterested and the songs run together. This coming from someone who has no problem listening to Sun Kil Moon perform an entire album of slow fingerpicked acoustic songs with no harmonies.

Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns
Most people who read this are saying "well duh!" right now, but Linkin Park is a pretty talented band who've proven they can exist beyond the rightfully dead genre of rap-rock. They've put out several songs I'd count as guilty pleasures and they continue to change up their sound in an intelligent and inspired manner. However, with A Thousand Suns, they completely lost the fire of previous recordings, diving headlong in a sea of slow electronically driven art rock. As if to fully distance themselves from the meathead Limp Bizkit fans and the like, Linkin Park put out a boring pile of sleep-inducing tracks, with few cuts worthy of repeated listens.

Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe 2
Perhaps Rob needs to stick to directing. He's still as fiery and weird as ever, but this collection of songs is poorly written with lyrics so bad that they distract from the rocking.

OK Go - Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky
They still make great videos, but their songs lack the pure pop rock fun of previous releases. Nothing to hang your hat on here.

Ratt - Infestation
Why did I have any illusions that this would be good? I guess it's because I keep hanging on to my junior high love of hair metal, hoping for a return of rock that's actually fun. If this album is any indication, hair metal won't be returning to the mainstream anytime soon. Stephen Pearcy can't sing for shit and the lyrics are insipid. Maybe they were always this bad?

Turley - Anger Management
Besides "My Soul Bleeds Black and Gold," an anthemic ode to Turley's favorite former NFL employer, the Super Bowl Champion Saints (Who Dat!), I deleted most of this album from my iTunes. He sings in the same monotone growl the whole album and the songs are mostly just plain bad. There's hope for Kyle Turley in the country business, if he can only find the right songs to fit his attitude driven delivery, but few of these songs fit that description. Please don't beat me up, Kyle.


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