If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Summer Classics

FTM ponders what these classic summer hits would have sounded like 

if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...

 

 

 

The Lovin' Spoonful - Summer in the City

 
Don't care bout summer in the city
Spent my whole check on Bud Light and a Yeti
Leave town, cranking up some Diddy
Ain't it sweet to have a girl who's drunk and pretty

 

DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - Summertime

 
And think of the summers chasing ass
Connect the Bluetooth and let the Beats™ Pill blast
Or plug my aux cord and let G-Eazy rhyme and put your truck
In mud, get a dip, 'cause this is summertime

Bananarama - Cruel Summer

 
Hot country beats
On the gravel we're swerving
Are you down?
Trying to score but
The beer got me wanting to fight
Dwight Yoakam is playing
(Wait, who is that?)
Nah, play some Gucci Mane
Getting loose in the country
This heat got her
Right out her jeans

It's a lit (lit) lit summer
Let's shoot some nudes on my phone
It's a lit (lit) lit summer
Get it on
 

 

Don Henley - Boys of Summer

Down on the farm today, I saw a deadmau5 sticker on a Chevrolet
…

I can see you-
Your tan lines glowin' in the sun
You got that ass dropped down and those blue Costas on, baby
And I can tell you I'll keep your number in my phone
After the bros of summer have gone

LFO - Summer Girls
(no changes)

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Luke Bell, Bobby Bones, Bros

Thanks to Zackary Kephart for this idea!

The Truth About Country Pasture Parties in 2016

 

2016 Country Throwdown

(Drunk People Looking at Their Phones)
©2016 Farce the Music Satires

I've seen all those videos
Booty shaking girls and bros
All dancing around a big ol' bonfire
That's something I would like to see
And Billy Dukes invited me
So I put gravel underneath my tires

Got out past the county line
Dreaming of hotties and shine
Cold ones loaded in a Yeti I just bought
Followed that big cloud of dust
Crossed the ditch and there I was
Ready to throw down and this is what I saw

Chorus
Drunk people looking at their phones
Drunk people looking at their phones
Buncha Country Outfitter clones
One guy cranking a Yeezy song
and drunk people looking at their phones

Girls weren't shaking what they had
Just tapping screens and looking mad
No keg stands, nobody kicking up their boots
Bros weren't fighting, causing scenes
Just sharing "crying Jordan" memes
Shook my head thinkin' "Is this what's it's all come to?"

Drunk people looking at their phones
Drunk people looking at their phones
Circle of trucks with their shining chrome
One guy cranking a 2 Chainz song
and drunk people looking at their phones

Bridge
I need a word with Mr. Luke Bryan
and I guess Florida-Georgia's lyin'
Cause all I see is

Drunk people looking at their phones
Drunk people looking at their phones
No skinny dipping, no punches thrown
Just one guy cranking a Sam Hunt song
and drunk people looking at their phones

Monday Morning Memes: Time Machine Edition

The Bros Go On Forever and the Party Never Ends

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Kane Brown, Luke's Jeans, etc.

Great Presidential (Country) Quotes 2

  

Bernie or Hillary?

Country Style!

Law of natural selection at work.

Here's a satirical lyric sent to us by singer/songwriter Jeff Przech. You can almost hear Cole Swindell singing if you just imagine...

And go check out Jeff's music here! His 2015 album Sounds Like Fresh is a catchy mix of Americana, alt-country, and pop rock.

COUNTRY STYLE

(To the tune of… pretty much anything else on country radio….)

Moonlight shines down on the lake and over to the sand

Passes right through these Corona bottles, got one in each hand

I’ll take off my white t-shirt so you can’t see the stain

And if your peach wine cooler tastes like roofies, darlin’, that I can’t explain

There’s a lake right here in front of us, why don’t we jump right in

And I’ll find a place on that bod of yours the mosquitoes haven’t been

Doin’ it Country Style, gettin’ wild, girl you look so fine

Like a breakfast special at the Cracker Barrel for $7.99

Do it Country Style, wet and wild, girl we got it made

And it don’t bother me that you just passed the seventh grade

That’s Country Style

Watch them Daisy Dukes with eyes wide open as they slide down past your knees

See them goosebumps rising on your ass caused by the summer breeze

The wind is warm but the water’s gold, damn that’s just my luck

Now the only nuts you’ll see are the ones that are hanging off my truck

The night is hot and so am I so girl, don’t make me wait

All over you like the Nascar sticker on my Chevrolet tailgate

Gonna do it Country Style, gettin’ wild, girl you look so fine

Like the high school football team I’m gonna touchdown on you tonight

Do it Country Style, wet and wild, girl you make me wanna sing

Have another shot of this Fireball and you won’t feel a thing

That’s Country Style

(90’s Alt Rock Guitar solo)

Got my ball cap pulled down nice and low, think I’ve had enough

I should be at that Florida Georgia line by the time that you wake up

Baby I got your number but don’t be waitin’ for me to call

Three and a half minutes of magic is what you get and that’s all

Do it Country Style, gettin’ wild, girl you look so fine

Don’t you message me if you happen to see those pics I took online

Do it Country Style, wet and wild, girl we got it made

Me and my bros and the redneck hoes throwin’ up some shade

That’s Country Style

That’s Country Style

A Subpar Stick Figure Comic About Country Radio

Coexist? Nah...

This Is Fine

Original comic from

http://www.gunshowcomic.com

Still Defending Bro-Country

Who the Hell is Kane Brown?

This guy you've never heard of has had the number one album on iTunes for a large chunk of the last week, beating out such names as George Strait, Sam Hunt, and Thomas Rhett. So is he any good?

Friends in Bro Places

There was talk last week of Garth Brooks re-recording his signature hit "Friends in Low Places" with George Strait, Keith Urban, Jason Aldean, and …Florida-Georgia Line. It looks like that's not going to happen now, due to some legal issues, but we like to think if it had happened, the lyrics would have been updated thusly…

"Friends In Bro Places"
(A parody of "Friends in Low Places")

Blame it all on my squad
We showed up real hard
In wife beaters and gelled up hair
We letting folks know
That we down to throw
If you trippin' son
We ain't fightin' fair
And I got so turnt up
So I raised up my cup
When the DJ played some old Drake
And I grinded you
Baby, that's when I knew
I'd hit dat in my Chevrolet

I got friends in bro places
where the Fireball burns
and the sugar's shakin' like oh yay yay
Yeah drop it that way
Got less friends than I got haters
Cause I wave bills with big faces
Oh, I got friends in bro places

Crank the truck and get gone
Yeah my game so strong
Back roads what we're headed for
Crack a Miller Lite
And we're getting tight
Find a field and it's time to score
Hey girl I don't care
There's folks everywhere
It's just where my homies throw down
Nobody will mind
But if you're a shouter
Then they might gather round

I got friends in bro places
where the Fireball burns
and the sugar's shakin' like oh yay yay
Yeah drop it that way
Got less friends than I got haters
I might be just a little racist
Oh, I got friends in bro places

[3rd Verse:]
We're getting it on
To a Kanye song
Yeah man, you know how I do
When some city boys pull up
They're acting real tough
Mad doggin' while I'm tryna screw
I always mean to cause a big scene
Just wait 'til I'm done with this lass
Then son you can bet
You'll pay back that debt
Cause I'm a whoop your ass

Country TwitterWIN: August '15

Also NSFW