This Guy Rants About The CMA Entertainer of the Year Award Controversy

Garth Brooks won the CMA entertainment of the year award and everybody’s in there feelings about it. I’m a little mad myself sense Keith Urban didn’t win it, but that’s not why other people are all salty. They think, get this, that Carry Underwood or Eric Church shoulda won. LMOA! On one side you’ve got all the feminists who want women to win everything and rule the world (go rule over the laundry room, lol). On the other side, you’ve got hipster country fans who think Eric Church is any good. 

There both wrong! If Keith Urban couldn’t win it Garth is the man! I’ve seen garth live at least 5 times and it was a damn party! He ran around like a crazy person and climbed on stuff and yelled! It was bad ass. And Garth is one of the inventors of country music. How could you not know that? Him and Tim McGraw are the first people to make country music worth listening too so I consider them the pine ears of the music! 

Now lets look at Eric Church. He’s obviously on drugs sense he never takes off his shades. And his songs are all complicated and shit. I just want to here about not going down till the sun comes up and drinking two peenya coladas and friends being in low places but he sings about monsters and being desperate or some crap. That’s not country! And he sings about that liberal loon Bruce Springsting to. I don’t know anybody who listens to that lefty crap so why would I want to hear a song about him?? Duh.

Now Carry Underwood is hot. I’ll give you that. She’s real entertaining if you turn the sound off, you know what I’m saying? But when you have to here her voice, it’s awful. And she sings about love all the time. She’s also a liberal deep state member. It’s crazy we let these people into country music in the first place! She’s a vagrant too! That means she doesn’t eat any meat products. What.the.f.? Both her and Eric don’t want me to have my collection of bazookas and Gatling guns. Damn gun grabbers. Neither one of them deserves to be the entertainment of the month at Chucky Cheese’s much less for the hole country music asociation.

My final comment is: scoreboard! Garth won. Get over it. You can’t try to get rid of him like your trying to do too a certain other American hero right now. God blessed country music an America!

2019 CMA Awards TwitterWINs

Top 10 Things Brad Paisley Might Be Doing During the CMAs

Brad Paisley won’t be co-hosting the CMA Awards for the first time in a while tonight. While it’s possible he may make an appearance to joke about his own absence or something, here are a few guesses as to what he might be doing otherwise.

10. Plotting another comeback that stalls at 17 on the country chart

9. Playing Guitar Hero and killing White Claws

8. Writing jokes for his next mildly amusing comedy special

7. Eating bon bons and watching Disney+

6. Writing a new comedic song about Tik Tok, or Crocs, or how women are always shopping or some shit

5. Sticking pins in a Carrie Underwood voodoo doll

4. Staring proudly at his NAACP award for ending racism with LL Cool J’s help

3. Tweeting from a burner account about how bad the show is without Brad Paisley co-hosting

2. Wiping his tears with a wad of crisp hundred dollar bills

1. Changing his contact information so Peyton Manning will leave him the f*** alone

Scream Country Reaction Gifs

When the insurance company puts you on hold and their hold music is Thomas Rhett

"But the female country singers just aren't making songs as good as the men do"

 "Carrie, why did you key my truck, bust out my headlights, and flatten my tires?"

When you're about to walk into the Halloween party but you can hear Kane Brown music playing inside

Sturgill and Tyler are going on an arena tour in 2020!

♫ ♬ Here you come again

Just when I've begun to get myself together ♫ ♬

"But why can't I sing about clubbing in a southern drawl over an EDM beat and call it country?"

Her: (whispers) Morgan Wallen's version is better than Isbell's

Me:

We shoulda known something was up with Zac Brown when he changed some lyrics of Isbell's "Dress Blues"

More Monday Memes: Swearing, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: Oct. '19

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is a 2 point improvement from July (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Blake Shelton & Trace Adkins’ “Hell Right.” 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Way Before He Cheats

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 37

People who don't like Whitey Morgan are

My review of the new Blake Shelton/Trace Adkins song that I haven't even heard yet

When you're at a restaurant and immediately realize they're playing mainstream country over the speakers

When Tyler Childers lets the beard grow out

I like Carrie Underwood, but her current single is

What does mainstream country radio do?

When you go to a music festival in summer

Do you know anybody going to the Luke Bryan concert?

When your friends says "Okay, don't make fun of me but I kinda like that new Kane Brown song."

Honest Billboard Country Airplay Top 20

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: July '19

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 6 point improvement from January (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Eric Church’s “Some of It.”  The worst is Thomas Rhett’s “Look What God Gave Her” (though there is very stiff competition from FGL and Luke Bryan). The biggest surprise for me is that Keith Urban’s current single isn’t too bad. I can’t remember the last time one of his singles wasn’t unlistenable pop dreck. Women are faring a little better on the chart now, but only marginally.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Friday Morning Memes: FGL, Kane Brown, Thomas Rhett, Carrie Underwood