More Monday Memes: Sam Hunt, Kane Brown, Nashville

CDC Recommends Wearing 2-3 Masks at Kane Brown Concerts, Even After Pandemic

Despite relaxing or ending 13 months of Covid-19 mask mandates, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has continued one recommendation for fans of pop-country singer Kane Brown. "You can resume activities without wearing a mask or staying six feet apart, except at Kane Brown concerts,” the CDC said on Thursday.

They went on to say that the prevalence of poor hygiene and high levels of transmissible illnesses and diseases among this specific subset of music fans makes it necessary to continue pandemic era protocols for the foreseeable future. This includes wearing not only a mask, but two, and possibly three masks. 6-10 feet of social distancing is also required.

“This fan army, whose main demographic is adolescent, caucasian, rural, teenaged girls or young women and their boyfriends, exhibits much higher than normal frequencies of sexually transmissible diseases and other airborne contagions,” said Dr. Lew Dunne, of Georgia’s state CDC office. “They infrequently bathe or brush their teeth, so the masks will help with the stench as well.”

The CDC has even gone so far as to send links to a YouTube video or TikTok of the warning with the purchased digital tickets to Kane Brown concerts. “Many of them are unable to read at a middle school level and only communicate with their friends through short videos of dancing or ‘snatching a bitch’s wig’ so we created a fun and informative video that explains our recommendation with song and dance.” said Dunne. “It’s been quite effective so far.”

At press time, the CDC was recommending avoiding Upchurch concerts altogether.

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs #50

Dad when a Luke Bryan underwear commercial comes on 

How many number one hits does Ricky Van Shelton have?

When you find out Garth Brooks has hair plugs

When the candidate at the job interview says she's a Kane Brown stan

Me and my buddy when Vandoliers come up on the Spotify shuffle

When the on-hold music is a mainstream country station

When I hear somebody call Willie a stoned old commie

Stop covering "Cover Me Up"

Top 10 Ways to Be a TikTok Americana Artist

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10. Look up “authentic” in the dictionary and then try to fake it

9. Force yourself to binge listen to Tyler Childers when you’d rather be playing Polo G and DaBaby

8. Search “Cavender’s” in your Google maps app

7. Learn to strum a few chords that can be used for just about any cliche Americana standard you choose to cover on Tik Tok

6. Be handsome, but look like you’ve been out riding fences, whatever that means

5. Take a semester off from Bucknell, grow out facial hair

4. Buy a bunch of caps at the county co-op or even better, some vintage ones off eBay

3. Learn to sing in a throaty scream: shallow people will think that’s soulful

2. Cover “Cover Me Up” so poorly that only girls who think you’re cute pretend to like it

1. Do at least one video talking shit about Kane Brown and Sam Hunt but make your Spotify plays private first

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Combs, Kane Brown, Sam Hunt

Every Pop-Country Artist’s Next Album to Be “Country as Hell”

Spurred on by the popularity of somewhat neo-traditional artists Jon Pardi and Luke Combs, nearly every pop-country artist vowed this week that their next release will be “country as hell.” 

“We’re even bringing in a violin player!” smiled Kane Brown, in studio working on his proper follow-up to 2019’s Experiment. “It’s gonna be country as hell!” Brown was said to be drinking moonshine from a jar and wearing steel toe work boots in the vocal booth to get into character. 

Thomas Rhett recently released the album Country Again, Side A, which features two songs with the word ‘country’ in the title. “Yeah, we saw the writing on the wall…. errr, I mean, we felt that this was the natural evolution of my sound.” said Rhett. Critics and naysayers were skeptical but modestly surprised with the results.

The changing tides in Nashville have even spurred a peculiar support industry - the “country life coach.” Consultants have hired on with several pop-country artists to help them work on their authenticity, which seems ironic. “We’ve put (name excluded) on a diet of fried foods and got him out of the gym into the hog barn, ha.” said Richard Perkins, an authenticity coach. “We’ve taught him what a steel guitar is, and how to tie a trot line, not just sing about one.” 

While the trend toward more organic and source-oriented country music is not unwelcome, one must question the motives for the turn. D-Lister Dylan Scott told us “Well, my management somehow works me a hit or two a year, but nobody’s ever heard of me; we had to do something …so we’re in the studio working on some country as hell country!” smiled the burly Louisiana native. 

At press time, Sam Hunt had no plans to stop talk singing about small town breakups over trap beats. 

The Office Country Reaction Gifs 5

Name a Diamond Rio song

When Chili's has Outlaw Country SiriusXM playing

When I catch myself liking a Thomas Rhett song

When your coworkers are talking about the Kane Brown concert they went to

Cody Jinks: Well, I'm not the devil, so...

Do you know who sings that dumbass song about red solo cups?

What Whiskey Myers song you wanna hear next?

♫ I'll be lookin' for eight when they pull that gate... ♫

Deliverance Country Reaction Gifs

*1 violent scene but not the one you think*

Radio station exec meeting with a new female country singer

When he says "listen to my Kane Brown record collection or die" and you have to consider it

I'm drowning in a whiskey river

Anyway, here's "Wonderwall"

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel

Ned is country radio. The hillbillies are bro-country.

(you know what's next)

Follow your arrow wherever it leads

Monday Morning Memes: Kane Brown, Reba, Waylon & Willie

The Crud Report: May 2021

 (yeah, so May starts tomorrow... whatever)

Country TwitterFAIL: April 2021

*foul language warning*