The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country

A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer

Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…

10. Joe Diffie

Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.

Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.

9. Suzy Bogguss

Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.

Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.

8. Wade Hayes

Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.

Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.

7. Patty Loveless

Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”

Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”

6. Pam Tillis

Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.

Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.

5. Ty Herndon

Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.

Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.

Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.

4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)

Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.

Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.

Stops in roundabouts.

3. Terri Clark

Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.

When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.

Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”

2. Trisha Yearwood

Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."

Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.

Against legalization, but always on that kush.

1. Jim Lauderdale

Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.

Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.

Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates. 

Wants to tour with Old Dominion.

---

*satire, obviously*

Knockin' Boots Through the Ages

Least Essential Country Albums: Kane Brown, Tyler? Childers, FGL, etc.

Oh, that's a real album...

Country Singers With Questionable Drinking Habits

Saved by the Bell Country Reaction Gifs

Hey Screech, wanna see my souvenir program from the Luke Bryan concert?

Country radio be like

When you tell her you like The Highwaymen and The Highwomen

Still more country than Sam Hunt

Tyler Childers' new album comes out Friday! 

When a major country label sees a 6'3" handsome white dude who can kinda sing

Kane Brown is very talented

"Hey Mr. Belding, I beat that kid up because he insulted Waylon Jennings"

Cause and Effect

Jason Aldean Is Finally Happy, Really He Is

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, September 25, 2014 

Jason Aldean is finally living a fulfilled and joyous life and will assault you viciously if you don't like it, according to a recent interview with the popular Face the Country blog. Though most of the questions asked were softballs, Aldean managed to insert his aggressively petulant views on life, music, and privacy into most every response. 

Find an excerpted portion of the full Q&A below. 

Face the Country: Jason, your new single "Burnin' It Down" is just hot! Like, how'd you decide to go this direction? 

Aldean: Well, some people out there think they get to be the deciders on what is and isn't country. We just wanted to go in there and make something the hotties would love and the haters would hate. Not that I care what the haters think. I mean, I want them to hate it but I want them to shut up!!! It's a pair of docks [sic], you know. 

FTC: LOL. (yes, spoken audibly) You go, boy! We hate to bring this up, but there has been a tiny little eensy minuscule bit of criticism about your persona... 

Aldean: Next question. No, let me tell you something. That was so long ago. Like years. I don't even remember who I was married to back then. I don't even want to talk about this. Me and Brittany are very happy together, very damn happy. Move on. We don't want to be in the public eye with this crap, so I'm not going to go into it. I mean, have you ever drove over the speed limit? Yeah, so who are you to sit and judge? I mean, let's not talk about this stuff. It took years for me to get this happy, so I'm not going to let you take that from me! 

FTC: (crying) It must be an exciting time for you with your new album coming ou... 

Aldean: Listen, if you say the words "bro country," I will literally give you an atomic wedgie and take a picture of it and put it on my Instagram. I sing about what I know about. If you sang, you'd do songs about, uh, bloggifying or whatever. I'm a famous millionaire who is either on tour or home counting money at all times, so of course I sing about hanging out in the country. Next damn question. 

FTC: I love rap music and I love country music and I love rap music inserted into country music and I love your music. That said, what do you have to say to critics of hick-ho... 

Aldean: This is bullsh*t! You shut up right now. The next person out there, nerds behind a keyboard or whoever, who says anything remotely non-positive about me, my music, my life, or my friends... I will drive my tour bus directly to your house, dorm, or apartment and beat you down with my wallet chain. I'm freaking happy people!!! My life could not be bringing me any more satisfaction than it is at this very damn moment! Leave me the hell alone!

A Titanic Meme, For Some Reason

More Monday Memes: Keith Urban, Sturgill Simpson, Hick Hop

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Hardy’s “Rednecker”

Listen too it here if your stupid.

First of all, I'm pretty pissed at Trailer for this one. He told me this song was by some new underground country singer, so when I herd it i actually conected to a lot of it. I mean, I really do piss where I want too! [editor’s note: I did not say that]

And then I saw the dudes face and saw he was like Bobby Bonehead's cousin or something. Probably siamese qu... never mind, Trailer told me to take that part out. Anyway, I questioned Trailer about it and he told me this Hardy dude was actually on a major label! Screw you Trailer for making me listen to Mr. Hard On. 

But now that I know this is a hit on pop country radio I dont like it no more, even if it does speak to a lot of american values. If youre on the same station as Puke Bryan, you're not country. Hell, Luke bryan? Never heard of her! That gets me everytime. 

It makes me maddern a ole wet whore to, because this dudes got a good mullet that goes to waist on this trying to be popular and success full. Why would you be a good artist and want more then 4 or 5 people who know bout you?

Listen to reel country like Joe Gussie and the Dirt Pickers and stay away from this crap. Actually, stay away from Joe, otherwise he might sell out if too many people know about him. I'm rednecker than this Handy guy, and that's because i only like real country and don't have a personal stylist.

-Written by the “real” Carl Outlaw

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Webb Pierce, Country Radio

Reginald Spears Memes: FGL, GG Allin, Miranda Lambert

Lil Nas X Cast as Dusty in Pure Country Reboot

In his first ever acting role, rapper Lil Nas X is slated to take up the reins country legend George Strait once held in the early 90s cult favorite Pure Country. X, real name Montero Lamar Hill, will play Dusty Chandler, a disillusioned country superstar who walks away from the lights and fame to reclaim his soul, and finds love along the way. Dexter Fletcher (Rocketman) will direct the picture for Warner Brothers and a release is expected in the fall of 2020.

Though some Strait songs will be sampled or updated for the film, most of the music will be co-written and performed by Lil Nas X himself. The viral smash “Old Town Road” will of course be featured, but expect some twists. “We’ve got a ‘Heartland’ remix coming and it gives you the best of both worlds, tying the (2020) version of Pure Country to the original. It’s going to be fire and lit and whatnot.” said the rapper. 

A love interest for Dusty has not yet been cast, leaving unanswered a major question that will surely be heavily debated on social media in coming weeks. Lil Nas X recently came out as gay, but it is uncertain at this point how the subject of romance will be handled in the film. 

Tyler James Williams (Everybody Hates Chris) will take on the role of Buddy Jackson, a brash young artist who attempts to swindle his way to stardom in Dusty’s absence. Reba McEntire will play Lula Rogers, Chandler’s desperate manager. 

At press time, literally every person, brand, and bot discussing the reboot of Pure Country online was outraged for various, conflicting, and frequently incoherent reasons.

King of the Hill Country Reaction Gifs 2

When somebody sets your Alexa to wake you up with Luke Bryan songs

When Luanne says she wants the whole family to do a "The Git Up" dance video

Sturgill Simpson sings his latest

Dale's tryout for the Tyler Childers "All Your'n" video

Still more country than Mitchell Tenpenny

  

When mom asks if you'll go to the Kane Brown concert with her

When papa buried his rig in the local motel

♬ Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low ♬