Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Jun 22, 2020
Jun 21, 2020
Jun 19, 2020
Male Country Singers as Women For Some Reason
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| Luke Bryan |
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| Koe Wetzel |
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| Eddie Montgomery |
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| Jack Ingram |
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| Kane Brown |
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| Gary Levox |
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| Garth Brooks |
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| Billy Joe Shaver |
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| Sturgill Simpson |
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| Cody Jinks |
Simp Actually Enjoys Hearing Women Sing Country Music
Written By This Guy?
Ft. Lauderdale - A male country fan has confessed to actually liking country music performed by women. Florida panhandle man Harvey Christian counts himself a fan of Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, AND Ashley McBryde, among others. The simp finds their shrill and annoying voices somehow enjoyable. Really.
Studies by mainstream country research firms have proven time and again that female singers should only be the exception and not the rule when programming radio playlists. Tomatoes in the salad, if you will. And yet, this purported country music fan truly finds chick songs to be engaging and of artistic merit. P****-whipped!
“The women sing about subjects of substance more often than their male counterparts,” said the wuss. “And even when their songs are light-hearted, I find them more engaging and memorable.” LOL, I guess he’s never listened to Dustin Lynch!
While other real men listen to stalwarts like Florida-Georgia Line, Luke Bryan, and Sam Hunt, Harvey-freaking-Christian is white knighting all over social media about how much he loves Margo Price and Mickey Guyton. It’s nearly certain he’s just trying to get into some liberal babe’s pants. We don’t buy it.
“No, I’m happily married and my wife listens to jazz and pop so I’m not trying to impress anybody,” insisted the pansy. “I am telling you the gospel truth when I say that I truly find pleasure in hearing females perform country and western music.” Liar. Data says even women don’t like women singing, so what’s the deal??
“I even love the classics like Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, and Loretta Lynn,” sucks up Christian. “They didn’t get the due as they deserved in their time.” Patsy’s dead, loser, she’s not going to read this!
At press time, this subservient wimp was queuing up some Lori McKenna, to get in his feelings or whatever.
Jun 18, 2020
Twister Country Reaction Gifs
When you see somebody headed to the Kane Brown concert
Insert Gary Levox joke
The only thing running through a bro-country fan's head when they wake up hung over in a pasture
When the "country" station plays Sam Hunt
♫ ♬ We were sitting on the front porch
With the weather rolling in
Laughing louder than the big south wind ♫ ♬
"Hey check out the new John Baumann album"
When she admits she's a Thomas Rhett fan
The office where Luke Bryan cowrites songs is also know as
Jun 17, 2020
Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 2000s Country
Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, upbeat country music scene of 2000-2009 would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more recent country music diaspora. Some would be very, very wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.
10. Jo Dee Messina
Brings a Coke can into church so she has somewhere to spit her dip. Constantly brags about her Peloton.
9. Billy Currington
Once fought with an old guy about a boat wake or something. [edit: being told this actually happened]
Considers his duet with Shania Twain the highpoint of her career.
8. Sara Evans
At concerts, will only perform her biggest hits as spoken word. Made Trick Pony use a utility closet as a dressing room when they opened for her.
7. Brad Paisley
Working with legal team to get “dad jokes” copyrighted so he can sue everybody who uses the term. When people join his group text promotion, he sells their numbers to escort services.
6. Dierks Bentley
Publicly and profanely humiliates anyone who misspells his name. Eats Taco Bell on his bus. Uses the bathroom on his band’s bus.
5. Phil Vassar
Plays “Bobbi with an I” as his encore at concerts. Avoids eye contact with anyone shorter than him. Has an album of Drake covers coming out soon.
4. Cyndi Thomson
Bogarts the joint. “I Crossfit” is her entire Facebook bio. Won’t use the zipper merge in traffic.
3. Steve Holy
Cheats at foosball. Won’t flush a floater. Performs Tekashi 6ix9ine songs on Tik Tok.
2. Mark Wills
Covers a Wheeler Walker Jr. song when he sees there are lots of kids at his concert. Still does the “flaming bag of shit” prank on neighbors despite being in his 40s. Has long conversations in front of what you need at Walmart.
1. John Rich
Wait, who authorized putting an actual jerk on here?
Jun 16, 2020
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