Showing posts with label Top Ten Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Ten Lists. Show all posts

Dec 21, 2016

Top 10 Reasons Brantley Gilbert Fans are on Santa's Naughty List



10. Didn't know she was 17

…and a second cousin

9. Stole a bunch of batteries and Calamine lotion trying to make meth

8. Got a DUI while listening to a Brantley Gilbert (who is sober) drinking song

7. Punched a little person because "he wouldn't send a message to Santa"

6. Punched a woman in a road rage incident while driving to anger management class

5. Selling rock candy as crack at alternative school

4. Toting around homemade pipe bombs at "open carry rally"

3. Spray painted misspelled answers to remedial reading test on water tower beside the school as a cheat sheet

2. Sheep. [details redacted]

1. Keyed car of blogger who was mean to Brantley

Dec 2, 2016

Top 10 Things Kane Brown Fans Want for Christmas


10. Puberty

 
9. Batteries for the hearing aid that hasn't worked since 2013

 
8. Hello Kitty iPhone 4s case

 
7. To know which local professional wrestler is their daddy

 
6. Lightbar for their foriller

 
5. Neighbor's wifi password

 
4. Extra cake in the prison cafeteria

 
3. Donations to their cancer hoax Kickstarter campaign

 
2. Drugs, lots of drugs

 
1. My six front teeth



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By Trailer with help from Jeremy Harris

Nov 7, 2016

Top 10 Things Kenny Chesney Might've Been Thinking at the CMAs


10. Did I leave the stove on?

9. Natalie's hair looks like the Devil's Tower in Close Encounters!

8. Really need to fart. Really need to fart. Really need to fart.

7. The Chicks get Beyoncé and I just get Pink?

6. Shirts with sleeves are so damn uncomfortable.

5. I wish I hadn't smoked all that crack this afternoon.

4. On one hand, Hillary is more presidential and experienced, but on 
the other, Trump really could shake up the status quo. Hmmm.

3. *nothing. nothing at all*

2. Should I put my award from tonight on the guest house mantle? 
Or maybe in the auxiliary trophy case at the beach house?

1. You know? I'd really like to be called a racist and get death threats 
from Beyoncé fans. I think I'll make a sour face.

Oct 18, 2016

Top 10 Halloween Costumes for Kane Brown Fans


10. Sexy Parole Officer

09.
Delusional Fangirl

 08. Bottle of Percocet

07. Sexy High School Dropout

06. This

05. Inmate (actual inmate ...not really a costume)

 
04. White trash

03. Creepy, obsessive 43-year-old fan from his hometown

02. Sexy Pregnant Teen



01. Sexy Meth Cook

Oct 6, 2016

Top 10 Conspiracies Shooter Jennings Can Cover Next

 

To celebrate the release of the Black Ribbons Ultimate Edition, Shooter Jennings has been running a podcast recently called Beyond the Black. In it he discusses the conspiracy-minded topics covered on that dystopian album. Jeremy counted down the best topics Shooter can cover on future episodes!

(and it's a top 11)

Top 11 Upcoming Topics For 
Shooter Jennings' Beyond The Black Podcasts

11. David Allan Coe was never picked up by the ghost of Hank Williams. 

10. All Colt Ford songs are secretly written about independent wrestler Die Hard Tom McClane. 

9. Bambi's mom was an inside job. 

8. Earl Thomas Conley schedules his tour dates around the Seattle Seahawks schedule. Coincidence?

7. 'Walking Dead' scenes that show destroyed urban areas are actually drone footage from outdoor bro-country concerts. 

6. The earth is a simulation created by Richard Garriott.

5. Randy Quaid and Gary Levox have never been seen together. Tune in to find out why. 

4. Proof that Sturgill Simpson is actually a reptile alien made of light. 

3. Detroit was booming until Kid Rock went country. The connection is there!

2. Two members of Jackson Taylor's band are NOT sinners. 

1. Billy Ray Cyrus died in a rollerblading accident and was saved when doctors working as consultants on the show 'Doc' stole Elvis' brain and implanted it into his head. The show was cancelled shortly after because he constantly wanted to sing 'Love Me Tender' during every episode. (This title may need to be shortened before airing the show)

-by Jeremy Harris

Aug 17, 2016

Stash Contest Entry: Top Ten Things I’d Rather Listen to Than Florida Georgia Line


 From Matt Gallardo

*language warning*

Top Ten Things I’d Rather Listen to 
Than Florida Georgia Line

10)  Nails on a chalkboard

9) Fran Drescher

8) One of those yappy little dogs that never shut the fuck up

7)  A vacuum cleaner drowning out the new episode of my favorite TV show

6)  William Hung’s entire CD

5)  An audio book of “Heart of Darkness” read by Gilbert Gottfried

4)  A knife scraping over burnt toast

3)  A fire alarm being tested every five minutes.  All day long

2)  Pee Wee Herman singing “The Song That Never Ends”

1)  The guy in the next bathroom stall taking a loud explosive shit

Jul 25, 2016

Top 10 Things I'd Rather Have Played On Country Radio Than Steven Tyler

List by Jeremy Harris - "Graphics" by Trailer

Top 10 Things I'd Rather Have Played
On Country Radio Than Steven Tyler


10. Gary Levox singing about the new Chicken McGriddles

9. An announcement about a Chris Gaines comeback tour

8. My grandma talking dirty to me

7. Steve Earle and Rush Limbaugh talking politics

6. "All shows/music have been cancelled and 
we will play Bobby Bones on repeat 24/7"

5. A news update listing me as number 1 on the FBI's most wanted list

4. Aerosmith

3. "All NCAA schools except one have been given bowl and tourney bans,
making Ohio State national champions in all sports"

2. Brantley Gilbert.... no wait, that's too far

 
1. Morgan Freeman reading my porn search history

Jun 17, 2016

Top 10 Signs You Might Be a Florida-Georgia Line Fan


Top 10 Signs You Might Be a Florida-Georgia Line Fan

10. Your YouTube comments pretty much guarantee you'll never be President
 
9. Your Tinder profile lists your interests as "rolling coal on Priuses" and "keepin' it lit."

8. You've never bought an album in your life but have
115 days worth of bro-country and hick-hop on your iTunes

7. You've got three baby mamas but can't legally vote yet

6. You think Hagrid from the Harry Potter movies' first name is Merle

5. You met your side chick at a Trump rally

4. The teachers at your middle school are tired of you parking your Raptor in their spots

 
3. You bought your nephew a Fireball onesie for his first birthday

2. You have a "Thiz iz how we roll" tattoo on your belly

1. If u don't see nothing wrong with this sentence than your probly a fan

Apr 29, 2016

Top 10 Things FGL Fans are Boycotting (Besides Target)


Top 10 Things FGL Fans are Boycotting (Besides Target)
--------------------------



 10. Reading

9. Writing

8. Tattoo artists that work in 
health department approved shops

7. Safe sex

6. The dentist

5. Outhouses that aren't gender specific

4. Teenage sobriety


3. Meth dealers that don't offer frequent buyer discounts

2. Grammar

1. Good music



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By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Apr 14, 2016

Top 10 Projected Lyrics on Cole Swindell's New Album


Cole Swindell's new album comes out in April or May or June or who really cares. Anyway, we took a stab at guessing some of the lyrics that will be on You Should Be Here and here are the ten best…


10. She climbed in the truck I said baby what's up
Plugged the aux cord in, turned some Haggard up
 

9. Stars in your eyes, hands in the air
Lemme get a glimpse of that derriere
 

8. On fleek country boy riding these roads
Sam Hunt blastin' out the stereo
 

7. She winked and smiled and sat on my lap
Asked if that's my initials on my cap
 

6. Bae, bae, uh uh
Uh uh uh uh uh, bae
 

5. This is the song about being down
I'm sad, watch the video to see me frown
 

4. Gimme dem digits, take a selfie to text
Whoops, sent it to my mom instead of my ex
 

3. I'm in the middle of a memory
Of you shaking that thing like a white oak leaf
 

2. She took off her top and gave me some crown
I'm so glad this old truck broke down
 

1. Remember boys, it's Saturday night
Let's crack a cold one and act real white

Nov 19, 2015

Top 10 (More) Less Successful Americana Bands


10. Sturgis Simpson

9. The Safe Spaces

8. Donnie T. and the Immigrants

7. The Head and The Fart

6. Los Zurullos

5. Sexually Assaulted by Turtles

4. Wally Chains and the Flatbills

3. The Bearded Film Curators Club

2. Steve Earle Just Complaining About Capitalism for 2 Hours

1. Crosby, Stills, and Kevin Nash

Oct 26, 2015

Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans are Handing Out For Halloween

10. Pork rinds wrapped in paper towels


9. Candy, but with one of these flyers in each handful:



8. Jagermeister airplane bottles filled with watered down cough syrup


7. 



6. Individual Marlboro Reds


5. Meth for kids (Rock candy in baggies)


4. Fireball Jello shots


3. Strip club coupons


2. CDR of their 
hick-hop mixtape



1. (In most cases, nothing, because they don't have trick or treating in prison)

Oct 14, 2015

Top 10 Things Overheard at 2015 Luke Bryan Farm Tour Shows



10. Ugh, I didn't think it'd be a real farm. Now my cowboy boots are all dusty.

9. I wish I was old enough to have a beer to hold up during "Drink a Beer!"

8. I'm only here to see if he falls again

7. Look at the ass on that woma... Oh shit, it's a guy again. 

6. I hope he sings "Burnin' it Down"…or is it "Strip it Down?" Same difference.

5. Damn, gotta delete all my Drake albums so there's room on my phone for more pics of Luke's ass.

4. I wish there was such thing as an indoor farm. It smells like somebody shit on a salad out here.

3. I hope Luke covers some classics from the greats that influenced him like Cowboy Troy. 

2. Sure was nice of them to give Cole Swindell his job back. 

1. Are you going to the concession stand? Get me a pumpkin spice something.

----------------

A Trailer & Jeremy Harris collaboration

Oct 9, 2015

Jun 10, 2015

Top 10 Things to Expect for Tonight's CMT Awards


10. Social media going nuts on how good Carrie looks after having a baby/Social media
going nuts over people saying how good Carrie looks after having
a baby/Shaming/Anti-Shaming/Shame-Shaming

9. A joke about tomatoes within the first five minutes

8. David Spade as Joe Dirt being one of the most actually country things/persons on the show

7. Shitheads, douchebags, assholes, and other various and sundry vulgarities

6. The continued assumption that because 25 year olds have rap, EDM, rock, pop, and country on their phones (because certainly, people as old as me couldn't possibly have varied tastes and access to modern technology), they'd like to hear all these genres at the same time

5. The wildly entertaining spectacle of a Russian fellow pushing buttons on stage

4. Cross-promotion, cross-promotion, and more cross-promotion

3. Sam Hunt looking happy and confident because he truly
isn't the least country act on the show for a change

2. Awards handed out for something called "videos" - apparently these are recorded visual representations or performances of songs, and it seems CMT once showed these frequently

1. Two creepy bastards performing a song about boomboxes and Alabama
(and trucks, hotties, dirt roads, and drinking)

Mar 12, 2015

Top 10 Traits for Getting a Country Record Deal 2015

10. Pretty smile, nice boobs, tight ass (that's for the males)

9. Ability to to perform a Dr. Dre/Hozier/Adele medley
during the breakdown portion of your latest "country" single

8. Strong knowledge of advanced skin care techniques including
cleansing, exfoliating, targeted treatments, and moisturizing

7. Nominal vocal skills

6. Enough knowledge of country music history
to feign reverence for previous generations

 5. Repertoire of kowtowing, adherence to 1950's traditional gender roles,
willingness to soften strong opinions with humor and over-politeness (that's for the females)

4. Strong slang vocabulary - must know difference between thot and tho


3. Malleable sense of self, deference to trends, lack of regard for genre fundamentals

2. Must look good in neutral colored henleys

 
1. Permanent five o'clock shadow

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