Monday Morning Memes: Walker Hayes, Turnpike Troubadours, Jason Aldean

Jingle All the Way Country Reaction Gifs

Turnpike announced a second Red Rocks show but you probably won’t be able to get those tickets either

When you’re usually a gentle soul, but your kids are singing “Fancy Like”

When Booster keeps singing Dan + Shay Christmas songs

I don’t know why you gotta be angry all the time

When your friend scored Turnpike tickets for him, his girlfriend, and her friend

Why is hick hop still a thing?

When a Kane Brown fan is trying to communicate through spoken word but it just sounds like gibberish and slang

When you put on the country Spotify playlist at the Sunday school class Christmas party but you forgot to take off the Wheeler Walker Jr.

Reginald Spears on Dan + Shay, Florida-Georgia Line, Turnpike Troubadours

Predicting 2022 in Mainstream Country Music

By Bobby Peacock

• Russell Dickerson revealed to actually be a deepfake

• Bobby continues to be the only person on the entire Internet not to like Lainey Wilson

• Luke Combs hits #1 with "Beer,” which is just him singing the word "beer" over and over again for four minutes

• Walker Hayes gets his second #1 with a cover of the "Chili's Baby Back Ribs" jingle

• Niko Moon runs crying to his mom when his next single fails to chart at all; claims radio PDs called him a poopyhead

• In an unprecedented move, Lauren Alaina records a duet with herself

• Kelsea Ballerini and HARDY propose to record a duet; plans canceled when they can't agree on which letters in the title should be capitalized, if any

• Jordan Davis buys dirt; realizes he can't find the one he can't live without; sells dirt

• Jason Aldean, Toby Keith, John Rich, Travis Tritt, and Aaron Lewis record a collab called "Red Voters with Blue Balls (Let's Go Brandon)"; song's lyric video gets deleted from YouTube for hate speech

• Brantley Gilbert actually does release the worst country song of all time -- oh wait, he already did that with "Bottoms Up"

• All four members of Parmalee discovered working at the same Arby's in Nashville

• Man previously caught sporting public erection due to Turnpike reunion hospitalized for priapism

• Cole Swindell gets his first celeb endorsement: his own personal line of Miracle Whip

• In an even more unprecedented move, Morgan Wallen releases a cover of Western Flyer's "Cherokee Highway"

• Bobby makes another stupidly long"best of the decade" list largely composed of songs that neither Trailer nor any Farce the Music reader has ever heard before

More Monday Memes: Willie, Turnpike, Walker Hayes

Man Sporting Public Erection was Just Happy About the Turnpike News

A local man was arrested at the Renaissance shopping center this past Tuesday, accused of indecency and lewd behavior. Parker Reynolds of Gluckstadt, MS was taken into custody without incident after several shoppers called the police reporting a man standing outside Anthropologie ‘cry laughing’ and displaying large bulge in his pants. 

Sheriff’s deputy Leonard James told us that Reynolds was thoroughly embarrassed but non combative when picked up. He was booked and released on $2,500 bond and is awaiting a hearing next week. 

Reynolds, for his part, wants to set the record straight. “I am NOT a pervert,” he told us emphatically. “I’ve never even commented on a woman’s appearance online.” He went on to say that while he was in fact pitching a tent in his khakis on Tuesday, that there was nothing sexual going on whatsoever. 

“I was waiting for my girlfriend who was in Anthropologie, I was just reading through Twitter,” explained Reynolds. “When suddenly, I saw the news… Turnpike Troubadours is reuniting! It was just a natural reaction, I started laughing hysterically till tears were running down my face …and yeah, I got a uh… hard on. I didn’t even notice it myself until I saw some soccer moms looking over at me in horror.” 

Turnpike Troubadours, the roots rock band out of Oklahoma, has been on hiatus for a couple of years and recently announced their return. The group’s massive cult following has been ecstatic since the news came out, but most in not such a visible and potentially offensive way.

“The police can check my phone’s activity history, I don’t care… I wasn’t looking at porn. It was better than that.” he laughed. “I’m sorry if I offended anybody. My girlfriend isn’t even returning my texts. This sucks.”

Reynold’s lawyer says he expects to have charges reduced to loitering and get him off with only some public service hours required.

At press time, Reynolds was thinking about it again.

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs #55

 I told you once you... I'm the best that's ever been

Me after listening to Clay Walker's latest album

Ticket resellers talking to each other about the Turnpike Red Rocks show

When you score two rare Jones albums at the flea market

When your friend says Morgan Wallen is the savior of country

What was LeAnne Rimes first hit?

When you're in a store and "The Christmas Shoes" starts

When you stop enjoying your favorite singer because he or she has different political beliefs than you

Me whenever I hear a few seconds of Dan + Shay

You've Heard of Elf on a Shelf...

 ...now get ready for:

Monday Morning Memes: Turnpike Troubadours, Morgan Wallen, Kane Brown

 

The Crud Report: December '21

Never Know When You Might Need Coverage

Ren & Stimpy Country Reaction Gifs

When somebody slid in my DMs last week and told me Turnpike was getting back together

When "Misery and Gin" shows up in a playlist

Getting inspired to write an Americana song...

Still better written than whatever Walker Hayes' latest is

A Florida-Georgia Line songwriting session

Mr. Horse, please review Thomas Rhett's "Slow Down Summer"

Mainstream country radio fans be like...

If you don't like Turnpike Troubadours, you can kiss

6 New Red Dirt Parody Album Covers