Pro Wrestler / Country Singer Equivalents 2019

Keith Urban = Dolph Ziggler

Stupid hair. Been around for a long time.

One of the most talented but always seems to let us down.

Dan + Shay = Glacier & Ernest Miller

Uh, there's two of them.

Good at something probably, but not their chosen field.

Kacey Musgraves = Becky Lynch

 Badass. Stands up for women.

The diehards have always loved her, but she

just went big-time in 2018.

George Jones = Jeff Hardy

One of the greats. Known for showing up in bad shape or not at all.

Has had his photo taken in front of a wall at the police station several times.

(Thanks to Cherryll Batty for this idea!)

Morgan Wallen & Hardy = The Godwinns

Nobody can be this redneck in real life.

Zac Brown = Baron Corbin

Dresses stupid. Not much hair.

Pretty talented but so damn annoying that you honestly just want him to go away.

Kane Brown = The Gobbledy Gooker

Hyped heavily. Made a big splash at first, but once everybody found

out he was lame, nobody was interested any more.

Tuesday Morning Memes: FGL, Modern Country, Zach Bryan

Zac Brown’s Diss Track Lyrics Leaked

The Zac Brown Band’s upcoming album The Owl already promises to be controversial among fans and detractors alike. With Brown announcing the participation of several pop producers, and YouTubers posting live performances of new hip-hop flavored songs from the band, the record is sure to raise some country purists’ hackles.

Now comes word of a ‘hidden’ track on the album that takes aims at those very naysayers. Brown already infamously told off the haters on June’s CMT Awards with a profane outburst, but we’re told this song takes things much further. In what’s known in rap circles as a “diss track,” Zac calls out critics, country bloggers, and former fans over their “closed-minded ways.” 

While it’s uncertain if the song, entitled “Hyde Goes Off,” (named for literary villain Edward Hyde, and ZBB’s own Jeckyll and Hyde album) will see the light of day on the official release, sources have assured us that the song is very much real. “He’s sick of people expecting him to adhere to a certain standard of quality in his music, so he’s lashing out.” said one party. “Zac has been, um, experimenting in life, and that has carried over to his songs, and he wants to be able to fart around in the DJ booth or drop bars as he pleases without bloggers making fun of him.” said another.

We haven’t heard “Hyde Goes Off,” but were given a verse of the song, which is said to be very ‘gangsta rap’ with gun shot sound effects and chains rattling in the background. An excerpt of the verse follows.

Ya callin’ me a hypocrite

But bitches, I’m a hustla

Hittin’ corners in my Chiron whip

You just a bunch of bustaz

I just wanna sling my trap

Blaze the weed and stack my dough

Don’t make me have to bust a cap

In y’all “that ain’t country” hoes

At press time, Zac Brown was stumbling around a haberdashery, dressed like a 1930s motorcycle sidecar passenger, mumbling incoherently about whipping someone named “Trailer’s” ass.

Country TwitterWIN: June '19

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More Monday Memes: Cody Jinks, Zac Brown, Aaron Watson

Some More Words for Zac Brown

A Word to Zac Brown

*foul language*

John Rich Singing “Shut Up About Politics” is Like:

John Rich, who's more famous for being politically provocative over the last few years than writing or performing songs, has a new song out called "Shut Up About Politics." Well, that's pretty much like....

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Florida-Georgia Line calling out people who use auto-tune

Justin Moore making fun of short people

Shooter Jennings making fun of short people

Kane Brown covering “Murder on Music Row”

Miranda Lambert coming out against violent lyrics

Dustin Lynch calling someone a sellout

Dustin Lynch having a clothing line called “Stay Country”

…oh wait…

Chris Brown wearing a “Mean People Suck” t-shirt

Tracy Lawrence talking sh** about Chris Brown

Luke Bryan saying somebody should act their age

David Allan Coe complaining about a sub-par concert

The Bellamy Brothers being against mixing country and rap

A Beyonce fan calling someone obsessed

Jamey Johnson saying Chris Knight waits too long between album releases

Hank 3 telling someone to watch their mouth

Tim McGraw saying someone has a stupid looking hat

Mitchell Tenpenny calling Old Dominion creepy

Old Dominion calling Mitchell Tenpenny creepy

Zac Brown saying any song is embarrassing

Tuesday Morning Memes: Mitchell Tenpenny, Thomas Rhett, Zac Brown

Before the "Felt Cute" Meme is Dead

...whoops too late.

The Crud Report: April '19

These Are the Actual Lyrics of Zac Brown's New Rap Song

Zac Brown is Someone We Used to Know

What's Under Zac Brown's Big Stupid Hat?

What's under the dopey looking hat, Zac?

Zac Brown, dropping 16 bars

Strip club coupons?

Glow sticks for your EDM performances?

An urban dictionary for your new hip-hop songwriting?

I don't know what this is...

No, I know what's under the hat!!!

Zac Brown is a Pathetic Embarrassment

Luke Bryan Says Zac Brown's "God Given" Worst Song Ever

Another day, another country artist coming out against the current direction of country music. The latest is superstar Luke Bryan, who not only had some unkind words about the state of country music, but specifically set Zac Brown’s song “God Given” in his crosshairs—a song from the Zac Brown Band's forthcoming album and a rumored single:

"I love Zac Brown and he’s had some great songs, but this new song is the worst song I’ve ever heard. I know Zac, he’s a friend. ‘God Given’ is one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. I see it being commercially successful, in what is called country music these days, but I also feel like that the people deserve something better than that. Country fans and country listeners deserve to have something better than that, a song that really has something to say, something that makes you feel something. Good music makes you feel something. When songs make me wanna throw up, it makes me ashamed to even be in the same genre as those songs. My how the tables have turned."

Zac Brown and “God Given” came up in the context of Luke Bryan complaining about the current trends dominating country radio right now.

"If I hear one more snap beat or bass drop in a country song, I’m gonna throw up. There’s songs out there on the radio right now that make me be ashamed to be even in the same format as some other artists. And actually, I think Zac Brown probably wrote this one himself. Doesn't he have people around him to tell him no? I mean, ZBB is a multi-million dollar corporation and he's putting the livelihood of all 18 band members on the line by chasing trends and making a fool of himself."

The song, which the Zac Brown Band has been performing recently on their "The Owl" tour is almost entirely rapped and features the lyrics:

Gucci bags, stacks on stacks,

Diamonds fill up the champagne glass

Luke Bryan, who has also been criticized for being a part of the "bro country" trend has recently gone back toward relatively neo-traditional pop country. Asked his thoughts on the reason for Zac Brown's musical experimentation, Bryan told us: "It's been downhill since that hotel room; I'm just saying."

*parts of this fake news piece adapted from Saving Country Music's original ZBB/Luke Bryan story*

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Sir Rosevelt (Zac Brown)