The Crud Report: May 2024

The Stupidest Things You'll See Today

The Crud Report: April '24

New Money New ____

American Pie Country Reaction Gifs

(from the franchise, not just the original)

I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then

Future bro country fans

When you’re about to leave the party but they put on some Waylon and bring out the brownies

“Is it ok to admit I like that new Hardy song a little?”

Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low 

When she says you’re going on a double date to the Sam Hunt concert 

Still better than going to a Kane Brown concert 

When you watch Jelly Roll argue with people on Twitter about his dumb name

Pissin’ in the wind and it’s blowing on all our friends 

Conway Twitty whenever a songwriter pitched him a new song 

When your dad was a roadie for Pure Prairie League

Describe Jason Aldean in three words

The Crud Report: Beyoncé Edition

Changing Demographics

Jelly Roll to Step in for Injured CM Punk at Wrestlemania

Pop-country supernova Jelly Roll has a lot of irons in the fire these days, but his latest may be the hottest one to handle. Mr. Roll, a longtime wrestling fan who has appeared on WWE television a couple of times before, has been announced as a participant in a match at the upcoming Wrestlemania event in Philadelphia.

The singer/songwriter/rapper/celebrity known for his genre-blending styles and “no sir I don’t know where you can find some copper” tattoos sees his career on the upswing lately. He has appeared on a multitude of awards shows and other related programs, has racked up hit after hit, and even delivered big time at a passionate appearance before the Senate(!!).

But this is a different animal altogether. At the WWE Wrestlemania kickoff in Las Vegas yesterday, Roll, real name Jason DeFord, was announced for an as-yet unannounced match at the event. CM Punk, a top tier performer at WWE, recently tore his triceps at a previous event, and the company felt it needed to bring in some more star power to shore up the card of the two-night extravaganza.

While Jelly Roll won’t necessarily be facing CM Punk’s presumed opponent in Seth Rollins, he is training for any possibility. At WWE’s Orlando Performance Center, DeFord spent many days in the last few months learning back bumps, rope running, and “selling.” One anonymous trainer told us things were going okay, but he was at least better than Snooki and Colin Jost in the ring.

“Woo, it’s been a grind!” said DeFord. “This has been harder than the chore of making people take me seriously due to my name being a pastry.” The large framed singer says trainers Shawn Michaels and Steve Corino have pushed him towards a “big man offense.” 

“I won’t be doing any moonsaults or 450 splashes, naw I’mma be doing the Dusty Rhodes or Rikishi-style fight, bring the pain.” laughed Jelly. “But no way in hell will I be wearing Rikishi’s outfit in Philly.”

At press time, Jelly Roll had just tweaked his back trying to power-bomb Scotty Too Hotty.

The Crud Report: February '24

Elderly Country Songs: Zach Bryan, Jelly Roll, Faith Hill, etc.

Zach Bryan & Kacey Musgraves

I Remember Nothing

Pat Green

Wheel Me Out of the Dancehall

Grave on Grave

Gretchen Wilson

Redneck Granny

Here for the Bingo

Sciatically Incorrect

Faith Hill

(I Can’t Feel You) Breathe

Let’s Go to Shoney’s

Big & Rich

Save a Horse (Ride a Hoveround)

Lost in This Costco

Comin’ to Your Sitz Bath

Jelly Roll

Save Me (no change)

Son of a Son of a Sinner

Coffin Waitin’ in a Cadillac

Country Twitter Wins: January '24

 

More Monday Memes: Taylor Swift, Morgan Wallen, Jelly Roll

 

The Crud Report: January 2023

 Ray Wylie Hubbard submitted one of these headlines. Can you pick which one?

Still More Tuesday Memes: Sturgill Simpson, Jelly Roll, Dustin Lynch

Pick Your Faves!