Brantley Gilbert Thinks It's Still 2013

"Always Stay Sexy, Fireball" A Computer Generated Bro-Country Song

Always Stay Sexy, Fireball

created here

I grew up overshadowed by smelly bonfire

Couldn't catch the eye of no city girl

Here I am devoted to Fireball

How I love the way you look in your pink jeans

Can't believe I let the smog cloud my eye

Where the smelly bonfire stand

And the hot hay surround

I'll ride my horny truck with you by my side

There's a whisper in the pasture breeze

Reminding me of thot

That whisper builds

That whisper cries

Thot in the morning skies

You appear on the horizon

Brushing that wet hair from your eyes

The city folk with their fancy gadgets

Cement bonfire like grey tombs

Don't have nothin' on our way of life

Just listen to the hollering

Don't live your life like a city boy

Today might feel a time to be like a city boy

But that ain't no way to lead a life

You know, there's a lot I drive by in my horny truck

Folk who is messing up

Always stay sexy, Fireball

Always stay sexy

In pasture, when I was a child

I met a sexy man

"How can you be so sexy?" asked I

Here was his wise reply

Don't live your life like a city boy

Today might feel a time to be like a city boy

But that ain't no way to lead a life

Met an old lady who lived like a city boy

"What happened to her?" asked I

Here was his wise reprise

Don't live your life like a city boy

Today might feel a time to be like a city boy

But that ain't no way to lead a life

That lady's gone now

It's sad really

Word is, she had wet hair once

Little Fireball, keep your jeans pink

Always stay sexy, Fireball

Always stay sexy

Hollering, hollering, hollering

Hollering, hollering, hollering...

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Bro-Country Accused of Sexual Harassment

In a stunning and wide-reaching announcement yesterday, hundreds of thousands of young women accused bro-country of sexual harassment. The waning but still popular sub-genre of mainstream country music faces serious charges of using misogynistic language and requesting sexual favors from its female listeners from 2011 through this year. 

"It was a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday," said a shaken Lizzie Harrison. "He told me to get my little fine ass on the step, and that's just not okay." She related to us how she went along with it at the time - pretending to like the song and its implications - but has come to realize bro-country's inappropriateness.

Another accuser, Madison White, said that bro-country announced its intentions to "set her up on the kitchen sink" and "stick the pink umbrella" in her drink. "I know what he was talking about now - I was innocent at the time and I just sang along, but now I see how damaging that sort of language is" she told us.

Other allegations against bro-country include ordering "country girls" to shake their backsides, making constant reference to women's derrieres and legs, and plying young girls with alcohol. The legal implications of this tidal wave of serious assertions is unknown at this time, but we at Farce the Music fully support a swift and punitive outcome.

At press time, one unverified claim had come in from a Sherrie Summers of West Memphis, AR. "Bro-country grabbed my ass" she told us. We'll update this important story as more information comes in.





*I hate small type and shouldn't even have to say this but: This piece is in no way to minimize or make light of sexual harassment. In fact, I feel like some of the language used in bro-country actually does contribute to the degradation of decency and interpersonal relationships in this regard.*

Bro-flakes?

A New Summer Smash Hit

Just Like We Did Last Summer
©2017 FTM Satire

Baby here we go again
A summer song for your and your friends
June, July and August heat
It's the same damn song with a different beat
Ice cold beers and happy tears
Cause swimsuit styles show more ass this year
Pour up drinks till the world's a blur
And crank whatever rapper's popular

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Honey, here's where I hip-hop talk
Even though I'm as white as chalk
Let's skinny dip, get a tan
Then dance by some trucks the way you can
If booty's wrong I'm a sinner
So turn it around like a fidget spinner
Auto-tune this familiar line
Pass around a jar of store bought shine

Just like we did last summer
Pickup trucks, Jeeps, and Forerunners
Country boys booming that bass like thunder
If the cops show up it'll be a bummer
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

Bridge
This part's where we slow it down and get a little romantic
Girl you save me from myself, moonlight, blah blah enchanted
You be the housewife, I'll be the plumber...

Just like we did last summer
Dumb ass music and weak rum runners
You got pirate booty and I wanna plunder
No it ain't legal, but you got my number
Beaches, buds, and backseat hummers
Just like we did last summer

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the awards show you're producing

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The Walking Dead season 7 finale is this Sunday.... at the same time as the ACMs and Wrestlemania. Choose wisely. Anyway, here are some new TWD country memes.

Just Shut Up, Bro

If These Pop Hits Were Bro-Country

Ed Sheeran - Shape of You
Come over in that short skirt and holler at me
Those red cherry lips got me like wow
Take my hand, dance, to Luke Bryan on the jukebox
And then we go to the truck, and now I'm like what what

Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Closer
So, hey girl, pull me closer
In the back seat of my Raptor
Migos rattling my Ford
Tribal tattoo on my shoulder

 

Migos - Bad and Boujee
Black top, truck stop (truck stop)
Turning in a field where the girls hot (hot hot)
Light up a bonfire, the party hop hop hop (hop)
Pass the Fireball, I want a shot (shot)

 

Lady Gaga - Million Reasons
Country girl in my Chevy, got one hand on the wheel
If you could see it my way, You'd let me grab a feel
Girl your fresh produce is always in season

 

The Weeknd - Starboy
I'm tryna get you in the right mood, yep
Riding cleaner than some new boots, yep
Those tan lines and eyes of blue, yep
Got me wanting to go screw, yep

 

Sam Hunt - Body Like a Back Road 

***no changes***
Got a girl from the south side, got braids in her hair
First time I seen her walk by, man I 'bout fell off my chair
Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks
Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats

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