Eric Church, Ryan Bingham, Joanna Cotten Perform "The Weight"

"Follow Your Data," a #saladgate Parody

"Follow Your Data"
(Parody of Kacey Musgraves "Follow Your Arrow")

If you play something real twangy
It's a bore
If you don't play something twangy
Blogs call you a whore-able station
If you don't dig Sam Hunt
You're an old fool
But they'll call you sellout
Soon as he's in the rotation

If you don't drop George Strait
Then you're old hat
And you can't play females
Oh, back to back
You're screwed if you're cool
And screwed if you're old school
So you might as well just use
Those number crunching tools
And

Make lots of cash
Play lots of trash
And sell lots of ads
Cause that's all that you're into
When the real and honest
Makes listeners irate
Fish or cut bait, rock on
Just follow your data
Wherever it leads, yeah
Follow your data
Wherever it leads

If you don't play Eric Church
Then Cole Swindell
Then that Luke Bryan one
Then one more bro
Before a chick
Son you just
Can't win for losing
You'll just disappoint 'em
And no, you can't beat 'em
Make salad and join 'em

And make lots of cash
With songs that suck ass
And sell lots of ads
Cause that's all that you're into
When the real and honest
Makes listeners irate
Fish or cut bait, rock on
Just follow your data
Wherever it leads, yeah
Follow your data
Wherever it leads

F*** what you think
Love who you love
But just forget
Programming songs that aren't fun
Yeah, you dumbass
Just git 'er done

Make lots of dough
Skip tomatoes
Lettuce, row on row
Cause that's what fans are into
Yeah, the real and honest
Makes the idiots hate
Fish or cut bait, rock on
Just follow your data
Wherever it leads, yeah
Follow your data
Wherever it leads

Beavis & Butthead vs Eric Church

FTM's Favorite Albums of 2014: Very Honorable Mentions

 

Being mentioned here while still outside the top 50 may seem like a slight to these albums, but in a year I listened to 200+ new albums and sampled countless others, these were all worthy of hours of play each. Also, it was a consistently strong year for music (if not as full of stone cold classics as some) so there was a lot of good stuff to choose from. This is just one guy's opinion (next year FTM will likely begin having a composite list from our 3 contributors plus me), so sometimes it's not about actual quality of an album, but how it affected me on an emotional, critical and intellectual level. These are all very strong releases.

Very Honorable Mentions (in no particular order):
 

Ronnie Fauss - Built to Break

Sunny Sweeney - Provoked

Parker Millsap - s/t

Counting Crows - Somewhere Under Wonderland

The Secret Sisters - Put Your Needle Down

Shovels & Rope - Swimmin' Time

Eric Church - The Outsiders

Rodney Crowell - Tarpaper Sky

Red Eye Gravy - Dust Bowl Hangover

Matthew Ryan - Boxers

Dierks Bentley - Riser

Josh Nolan - Fair City Lights

Phillip Fox Band - Heartland

The Hold Steady - Teeth Dreams

Justin Townes Earle - Single Mothers

Arlo McKinley & the Lonesome Sound - s/t

Willie Nelson - Band of Brothers

 Benjamin Booker - s/t

Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings - Give the People What They Want

TV on the Radio - Seeds

Nickel Creek - A Dotted Line

 Miranda Lambert - Platinum

Jeff Whitehead - Bloodhound Heart

The Bigsbys - Good Will Suitcase

Those Crosstown Rivals - Hell and Back

Chad Sullins and the Last Call Coalition - Wicked Spell

Sundy Best - Bring Up the Sun

Mat D and the Profane Saints - Holyoke

Rosanne Cash - The River & The Thread

Josh Grider - Luck & Desire

 YG - My Krazy Life

Weezer - Everything Will Be Alright in the End

 Eli Young Band - 10,000 Towns

Robyn Ludwick - Little Rain

Damien Rice - My Favourite Faded Fantasy

Jenny Lewis - Voyager

Three Up Three Down: December '14

3 Up


Maddie & Tae - Girl in a Country Song
This is both a good song and a culturally significant song. Rarely do those two things equal a popular song, but here we are with it sitting at #1 on the Mediabase charts and others. Are listeners grinning a little and moving on to the next booty-on-a-tailgate song or nodding their heads in acknowledgement? It's hard to know right now, but I suppose we'll see in time. The fact that these thoughts about sexism and clichés in country music are now out there beyond FTM's constant complaining and the occasional newspaper website think-piece is a good start. The fact that Maddie and Tae have proven on their recent EP to be more than the vehicle for what some surely consider a novelty song is even more favorable. Fingers crossed.
B+


Eric Church - Talladega
Eric Church does nostalgia better than anyone on the charts right now because he starts with the personal and makes it sound universal, while everyone else seems to be taking the opposite approach. "Talledega" sounds like a big ol' yeehaw, NASCAR loving anthem if you just pay attention to the high points, but it's really a small story wrapped in a big idea. The chorus might call on everybody to sing along and it may beg for sponsorship opportunities, but the verses actually make you miss the fun and friends from that trip you may or may not have ever even made to watch cars turn left. It's wistful and epic and everything this kind of song should be.
A


Jake Owen - What We Ain't Got
Co-written by Travis Meadows and Travis Jerome Goff, "What We Ain't Got" is a powerful ballad about never being satisfied with with one's situation, possessions and relationships. It's a simple longing that falls into several categories of the Christian concept of sin, but one that no one is immune to. Jake Owen spoke of this song as a harbinger of change and he wasn't over-hyping it. The song opens Owen's field of view and enlivens the possibilities for his future work being more varied and deeper than flip-flops, summer flings and tan lines. It's also great for country radio, since its frequent play forces dunderhead bro's to listen to something with actual artistic merit and positive moral implications. Jake's vocal talent and commercial momentum combined with a truly great song make this a release of considerable importance.
A+


3 Down


Parmalee - Close Your Eyes
They rhyme "hotter" with "water." That's enough to disqualify this song from being anything I'd ever listen to on purpose, but worse than that, "Close Your Eyes" is a color-by-numbers. bro-country lite song created specifically to be airplay filler. And now, it's top 10 airplay filler. The emperor has no clothes and nobody gives a shit. Sing familiar words with a familiar melody that fits into the current sonic model and don't make anybody think negative thoughts and you've got a hit. Well done, Parmalee, former rock band who couldn't hack it without switching genres to take advantage of country radio's doldrums. Take a bow.
D


Scotty McCreery - Feelin' It
I've said it before: Scotty McCreery has a fantastic country voice. Much like his vocal doppelganger, Josh Turner, he's struggled to find material that both fits his rich delivery and the whims of commercial country music. He's done it with this track - if by "done it" I mean, focused entirely on the whims portion of that last sentence. Not that he sounds bad singing this craptacular song, it's just that any minuscule thread of artistic quality is foregone for a steady run up Bob Kingsley's countdown. How bad is this song? Well, Ray-Bans are rayin' and cut-offs are cuttin', whatever those two statements mean. The build to the chorus is basically saying "here, I will continue to sing you this song about how we are enjoying chilling in the sun and drinking beverages." The chorus is basically saying "We are greatly enjoying chilling in the sun and drinking beverages." Then he rhymes "hotter" with "water" and you already know my disdain for that sort of thing. This song can take its "glossin' lip gloss" and kiss my ass; it's completely embarrassing and pathetic. Scotty, if you're going to use your gift to unleash tripe like this upon the world, I'd rather you go back and give minor league baseball a shot. "Screwball's screwin', catcher's chewin'…."
D-


Florida-Georgia Line - Sun Daze
I'm sure I've already said enough about this one with memes and whatnot, but hey, it still sucks. While I did actually like "Dirt," I'm starting to think these guys are just lowering the bar with nearly every single to make their mediocre work sound like classics. "Sun Daze" is stupid, derivative, artless, and is only catchy in the way that kidnapping sometimes brings about Stockholm syndrome. FGL's previous low-water mark was "This is How We Roll." That song was at least interesting with its obvious critic trolling slang and attitude. This song is just spectacularly awful and further proof that you can never underestimate the taste of the American public.
F

New Video: Eric Church - Talladega

I'm Sensing a Trend

From the Bullseye Report Market Watch*

*not really

New Video: Eric Church - Cold One

More Saturday Night Music: Travis Meadows

If you don't know of Travis Meadows, now's the time to meet him. He's a Mississippi-born songwriter with an amazing story. He writes killer tunes about real life. He's currently experiencing quite a year for a writer - the title track on Dierks Bentley's newest album, Jake Owen's new single, and one of the stronger tunes on Eric Church's recent album. Here's "Learning to Live Alone."

Eric Church Was the Only Country Male in 2006

....or was he?

Paycheck on Church

D'oh.

Eric and Luke are Willie and Waylon?

http://www.savingcountrymusic.com/darius-rucker-calls-luke-bryan-eric-church-the-new-willie-waylon

Concise Album Reviews: Eric Church, The Bigsbys, Whiskey Myers

The Bigsbys - Good Will Suitcase (out March 1st)

Catchy roots rock via Texas by way of 90s alt-pop. What that means is that this is highly accessible and hookier than a tackle box. These songs would sound as natural playing on Texas radio between Reckless Kelly and Robert Earl Keen as on a rock station in 1997 between Matchbox 20 and Jewel. The writing is crisp and proves that just because a song is fun doesn't mean it has to be stupid. Music Row, take note. There are no bad songs in the bunch and there's even a cool Whiskeytown cover.

B+

Eric Church - The Outsiders

The Outsiders would make an excellent 5 song EP. I'll let you guess on the 5. Overreaching and pretentious in spots, right in the pocket on others. I'd call it a glorious mess if there was more glory and less mess. Pick your faves and download a few tracks.

C for the album (A for the middle finger aimed at Music Row convention)

Whiskey Myers - Early Morning Shakes

Southern rock seems to be having quite a resurgence lately and Whiskey Myers' latest brings it good and strong with one boot planted in the Lone Star State. Good songwriting, expert playing. "Colloquy" is an early song of the year contender.

A-

Honest iTunes Country Singles Chart

Country Day Parody Album Covers 1-14 Part 1: Dierks, Church, Holy

Worst Country Songs of 2013

I've already talked enough trash about most of the following songs in 2013, so here are the worst country songs of 2013, presented without comment.

Country Day Parody Album Covers: Oct. '13 Part 3 - Avetts, Brandy Clark, Eric Church

Stagecoach Announces Lineup + Name Change

Kindly disregard the good artists on the list in relation to the "name change." You get the point...

Monday Morning Memes: Rascal Flatts, Hunter Hayes, etc.

2013 ACM Awards Drinking Game