Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Aug 12, 2019
Aug 9, 2019
Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews The Highwomen's "Redesigning Women"
Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews The Highwomen's "Redesigning Women"
When trailer told me I'd be working with four women today, I had something else in mind entirely lol.
Anyway, these gals are called the Highwomen and supposed to be like the Highwaymen, four of the greatest TRUE country artists ever (ok, so I had to forgive Willie for that Stardust crap). I actually almost listened to this song, but then I saw whose in this group. I never heard of Nataly Heemby, so that's probably a good thing. But Amanda shyres is married to that liberal trash Jason Is-dean who ain't even country anyway, Brandi carlile blocked me on twiter for that private photograph I sent her - I don’t get it, I’m pretty hot - and maren morris is pop country trash. Or so I've heard at least. I wouldn't listen to pop country radio because it has Florida Georgia Line on it, and I took a Jason piss-bell there once. And who the shit does a playboy shoot and keeps there close on??
Again, I aint listening to this, but I see they got a line about cleaning up the kitchen, so at least they know there place I guess. Plus I wouldn't mind them polishing my table if you know what I mean. Even still, feminazi Morris probably has a rap breakdown somewhere in their to make it work for trashville radio.
Overall, this song proves the only good woman country singer was Loretta, and that's only until she started working with Jackoff White. Women don't need redesined as long as they stay in line, but country music sure as shit needs redesigin. But not by these gals. The last time we got a girl group we got the America hating Dixy Chicks, and that group had a Natalie in it to, so this ain't good.
-Written by the “real” Carl Outlaw
*this is satire!*
Happy Days Country Reaction Gifs
When mainstream country record labels ask new singers why they should hire them
Like Old Dominion, but without the suck
When two big dudes play FGL on the jukebox
When your friends says you were right about Whiskey Myers being badass
When people take a Farce post seriously
When Tyler Childers and Mike & The Moonpies release great albums on the same day
After she tells you she's a huge Kane Brown fan
When you see that your favorite country act is having a DJ open their shows
♫ ♬ Turn out the lights, the party's over ♫ ♬
Aug 8, 2019
Aug 7, 2019
Aug 6, 2019
Aug 5, 2019
Aug 2, 2019
The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country
A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer
Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…
10. Joe Diffie
Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.
Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.
9. Suzy Bogguss
Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.
Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.
8. Wade Hayes
Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.
Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.
7. Patty Loveless
Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”
Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”
6. Pam Tillis
Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.
Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.
5. Ty Herndon
Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.
Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.
Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.
4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)
Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.
Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.
Stops in roundabouts.
3. Terri Clark
Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.
When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.
Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”
2. Trisha Yearwood
Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."
Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.
Against legalization, but always on that kush.
1. Jim Lauderdale
Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.
Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.
Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates.
Wants to tour with Old Dominion.
---
*satire, obviously*
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