Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Mar 3, 2023
Mar 2, 2023
Overly Politically Correct Country Songs: Zach Bryan, REK, Loretta, etc.
Don't get bent, I'm just having fun with the English language.
Guy Clark - Wayward Persons Waiting for a Train
Loretta Lynn - Climate Change Facilitator’s Offspring
Robert Earl Keen - Non-Hispanic American Honeymoon
& Happy Holidays from the Group of Persons Living Together
Ray Wylie Hubbard - Intercourse You, We’re from Land Stolen From Mexico
Gretchen Wilson - Uncultured Rural Cishet Female
Reckless Kelly - Mentally Challenged Eddie’s Last Hurrah
Cross Canadian Ragweed - Young CIS Males from Oklahoma
Dolly, Linda, and Emmylou - To Know Xem is to Love Xem
Rhett Akins - I Brake for Blue Hairs
Conway Twitty - Lascivious Male Glare Upon The Female Form in Denim
Zach Bryan - Extremely Attractive CIS Female From Oklahoma
Wheeler Walker Jr. - Cunnilingus/Physical Assault
Southern Traitor Railroad - Sexually Liberated Womyn
Miranda Lambert - Caucasian Mistruth Teller
Roger Miller - My Xio Used to Love Me but Xe Died
Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs #68
Me looking over the Billboard country chart
Wanna go see Pony Bradshaw?
When your friend passed out 3/4 into a Lucero concert but he's ready to restart the party
When you find out your cousin is really
into Upchurch and Katie Noel
Trying to read the badly spelled, grammatically incorrect Facebook replies every time I post something about Morgan Wallen
Pop country singer trying to go outlaw
When the band comes out for an encore even though you knew they were going to
When you take over the party's DJing halfway through a Luke Bryan song
Me when normally reserved country artists talk shit about other artists online
Mar 1, 2023
Feb 28, 2023
Elderly Country Songs: Bailey Zimmerman, Tim McGraw, Jason Isbell, Garth Brooks
Garth Brooks
Much Too Old
The Beaches of Punta Gorda
Poor Short Term Memory
The Scooter Rolls
Tim McGraw
My Next 10 Years
Senile and Kind
Elder Than I Used to Be
Cranky All the Time
Bailey Zimmerman
Fall in Den
Back Has a Hard Place
Fix’n to Nap
Jason Isbell
Stool Where She Sits in the Shower
Flying Over the Hill
How to Forget
Brand New Kind of Activia
Feb 27, 2023
Feb 26, 2023
Feb 24, 2023
Luke Bryan Worried He’s Repeating Cringe Dance Moves
 |
| Bryan performs the "full hunch" |
Though every song has gone off generally without a hitch, and the crowd of young moms, sassy grandmas, and frat bros seems to be having a great time, there’s still something eating at him. He’s a pro and he’s here to give these fans a night of repetitive twangy pop-rock songs about beer and trucks and girls, but there’s one thing he can’t repeat if he hopes to keep them entertained. The cringe dance moves.
He replays the last 30 minutes in his head. He’s done the “goofy white boy above the waist dance” during “Rain is a Good Thing.” “Kick the Dust Up” got kinda silly with that new “gospel sway complete with handclaps.” The next song is a blur because that’s when a pair of panties from an um, ‘ample’ fan landed on the neck of his prop guitar. He thinks he did the ‘throw your hands in the air’ bit already, but he’s just not sure.
A cold sweat breaks out down his back. Luke has only pulled out one of the “big guns” thus far, but he doesn’t remember which one. The aforementioned “big guns” are variations of the pelvic thrust, which he calls ‘hunchin’.’
Hunch 1 is called the “dry hump.” It’s more of an up and down motion of the hip area and gets the lady-folk going right quick. Hunch 2 is the Elvis, which is self-explanatory. Hunch 3 is the “pound town,” which is a more forceful version of the Elvis. Hunch 4 is the “full hunch,” which he only breaks out during the encore, so he knows he hasn’t done that one.
Uh oh, the next song is “M-o-v-e” which expressly requires a full 30 seconds of hunchin’. He says a little prayer in his head and goes into the windup. He’s settled on Hunch 2, and as the cheers reach fever pitch, he knows he picked correctly. Luke feels pride in the fact that he’s the standard bearer of modern country music, and that he can provide each and every fan in attendance with just enough shallow music and booty grinds to get them through their week.
At press time, Luke was preparing to unleash the full hunch, as custodians waited in the wings with their mops.
Feb 23, 2023
Tom & Jerry Country Reaction Gifs
If somebody says the pit at Vandoliers shows is pretty safe
When she sees you in your Crocs, cargo shorts, and faded Wheeler Walker Jr. t-shirt
Them: Promise you won't get mad if we listen to this one Sam Hunt song?
Me:
When your friend also just listened to American Aquarium
If you go to a Lady A concert, you'll need this
Spanking isn't viewed positively these days but if your son listens to Kidd G, you gotta
When you say "I'd rather hit myself with a hammer than listen to Kane Brown" and somebody says "prove it"
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