Music Fan Convinces Self Song They Politically Agree With Is Pleasing

Unaware that the culture war has broken their brain, local music fan Pat Markham has convinced themself that a popular song is pleasing to listen to, despite it not being so. The song, a mid-tempo anthem with lyrics carefully chosen to align with the values of their particular side of the struggle, has caught on with many like-minded persons who believe in individuality of thought.

On their first listen, Pat grimaced a bit as the music began, sounding much like other songs in that specific genre. “I couldn’t tell it apart from that other recent song,” explained Pat. “But since all my friends in my social media bubble were touting how good it is, I gave it the ol’ college try.”

“I read the lyrics as I listened to it the second time, and it really started to speak to me,” relayed Markham. “The way the singer warbled about the things I’m against was inspiring.” 

The song in question has become a rallying cry for people who feel wronged in today’s society. Even with its laborious lyrics, cliche sonic pastiche, mediocre vocals, and lack of artfulness, the tune has really caught on because of its use of political-party-approved key words and insinuations to keep adversaries in their place. 

“It really brings us all together,” smiled Markham, now watching the music video. “Hell yeah! This is the way all normal people should feel and if they don’t, they’re an enemy of humanity!”

At press time, Pat was listening to the song a 4th time while making a face that indicated there might be a foul odor wafting about the room. 

He's Cancelled!

Getting Real for a Moment

We Can All Agree

This SHOCKING! Garth Brooks Clickbait is Carefully Worded to Infuriate 50% of You

This'll get blood pressure rising!

Farce the Music today posted this clickbait article about Garth Brooks. It says nothing new you can’t read anywhere else, but it doesn’t really matter. This next sentence have doesn’t to make sense any and you’ll still glance through for long enough to make ad impressions or whatever. This is the introductory paragraph that grabs either Conservatives or traditional country fans by the balls and twists. Take that!

{Here are several ads in a row so you’re not quite sure if the story is already over or not. Some of you will leave at this point, but we got your click.}

BUT IT CONTINUES!!! Garth did a thing. What thing?, you ask. Perhaps it was about BEER! 

BEER BEER FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES BEER TRANS DIVERSITY A-HOLES BEER!!!!! Can you imagine the gall it took him to say or do whatever this article is about???? 

This article doesn’t even have enough words to count as an article, does it? Not my problem. Did you hear about GARTH PANTYHOSE WAYLON GARTH FINGER****ING???????? HOLY SHIT THAT’S CRAZY! This’ll definitely play out poorly in the Facebook comments section with friends tagged, John Rich mentioned, and several fights planned that would actually take place if the combatants weren’t in Texas and North Carolina respectively, which is too far to drive for a fist fight, IMO. Regardless, it’s more ad revenue on FB for just mentioning GARTH GARTH GARTH. ALSO CHRIS GAINES IS BACK!

{Another ad for one of our sister websites or possibly Bass Pro Shop or AARP, depending on what the algorithm determines is best targeted to you.}

And here’s where we remind you about that time Garth did that other thing you vaguely remember. HA HA SERIAL KILLER GARTH WHERE ARE THE BODIES, and here’s a screen shot of that creepy video he did and a link to another similar story but if you keep scrolling it’ll go to some more Garth or Miranda stories anyway!

Here is the clever quip to end the article, followed by a cutesy reaction gif or some shit.

At press time, Garth Brooks was [check back in 30 minutes for the next story about him].

{Animal attacking a dumb person at a national park video.}

MIRANDA'S HUSBAND REVEALS HOT BODY ON INSTA!

JELLY ROLL TO GUEST ON EVERY ALBUM FOR THE NEXT 13 MONTHS!

BUCKY COVINGTON ANNOUNCES NEW NASHVILLE FOOD TRUCK

Tuesday Morning Memes: Jerry Reed, Trucks & Beer, Dan + Shay

Morgan Wallen on the Political Spectrum

(click the image for a closer view if this is hard to read)

More Monday Memes: Hank Sr., Florida-Georgia Line, Garth Brooks

 

Instant Controversy

Reginald Spears on Vern Gosdin, politics in country music, and Morgan Wallen

AmeriQana Album Selling Poorly

A recent album from roots rock band Gadsden Four has barely moved 100 copies since its release in March despite a strong marketing campaign from its indie label. We Go All, a 10-track treatise on all manner of cockamamie conspiracy theories, has gone mostly unnoticed despite speaking to a passionate segment of society.

“I tell you what,” said a frowning Freddie Huddleston, lead singer of Gadsden Four. “It’s clear to me that our ads for the album have been shadow-banned, deprioritized, extreme hidden, regular hidden, comment ghosted, stealth-erased, and super-secret-inverse-quiet-muted on social media and I’m sick of it! Ours is a message every non-adrenochrome ingesting American needs to hear!”

We Go All, released March 11th, is a surprisingly listenable mix of folk-rock and country tunes until you pay attention to the lyrics. Songs about infant harvesting, JFK Jr’s faked death, woke commie satan worshippers, mind-controlling energy drinks, and President Biden’s secret slave trading ring speak to the bat-shit-crazy fringe who find Hank Williams Jr. too liberal.

While no evidence of shadow banning the promotion of the album or band exists, Gadsden Four have found no foothold in the Americana genre whatsoever, failing to land even one booking to play at a reputable venue. “We played a Klan barbecue down near Mobile and a Citizen’s Council cakewalk in Mississippi, but we can’t get any bars to let us play,” said bassist Lynn “Hurricane” Hodges. “They say we’re too ‘controversial’ and ‘not for public consumption’ and ‘in need of a stay at the state mental hospital’ but we don’t let the haters slow us down.”

Huddleston says he hopes Elon Musk’s recent purchase of Twitter brings brighter days for the band and their “political movement.” “I need America to know about reggaeton-and-rape-addicted immigrants swarming our borders and the lizard people bringing about the enslavement of the world population and the purple goblins who live in my shed and tell me all their prophecies when I huff degreaser,” yelled the worked up vocalist. 

At press time, the band was performing as a two-piece at a Proud Boys wine mixer due to the bassist and drummer being in jail on stalking and arson charges.

We Go All track listing:

1. Red Pills and Whiskey

2. Save the Kids

3. The Second Storm

4. Dallas in the Meantime

5. It’s Not Crazy If You Believe It

6. Wake Up!

7. Blue Haired Girl

8. Kanye Was Right

9. 1-06-21

10. They Stole Are Land [sic]

#fakenews #satire

I intentionally did no research into Q-Anon’s beliefs beyond what I already knew from news reports and instead just made up a bunch of stuff so anybody who believes any of that crap would get triggered.

Double Edged Sword

Country Halloween Costumes

Choose Your Tribe

California to Ban Country Songs about Gas Powered Trucks by 2024

Governor Gavin Newsom today announced that he will aggressively move the state away from its enjoyment of pop-country songs about gas-fueled pickup trucks. He issued an executive order requiring all new pop-country songs about vehicles, especially trucks, to explicitly mention that they are zero emission after 2024. 

The entertainment industry (including music) is responsible for more than 7% of all of California’s carbon pollution, all while jacked-up, coal rolling, nut-swinging pickup trucks continue to spew toxicity into the atmosphere. 

“We simply can’t have all these catchy, vibe-filled, vaguely country songs glorifying using these beasts for ‘fun’ when they are literally responsible for Donald Trump, I mean, pollution.” said Newsom in a prepared statement for the press. “Therefore, we are directing record labels not to promote songs about feet on a dashboard, or having CIS white sex under the stars in a truck bed, or mudding in a pasture with a beer in the cupholder without letting the listener know that the vehicle is an EV.”

He went on to lament the irresponsibility of Nashville in idolizing such vehicular monstrosities. “I listened to Cali Country Y102 today for an hour, and literally every song had a truck in it,” Newsom continued. “Just think of the good we could do if all 15 of those songs replaced ‘F-150’ or ‘Silverado’ with ‘Lightning’ or ‘Endurance;’ every mullet-headed white boy in community college would suddenly think it was cool that Morgan Wallen got busy in a Rivian, or whatever.”

Free speech advocates have threatened legal action following the executive order. “While we also cringe at songs with dudes talk-singing in a southern accent about cruising for women in their squatted 70,000 dollar pickup trucks their dad bought them, this is certainly unconstitutional grounds the governor is walking on,” said Jenni Perkins, a spokesperson for the ACLU. “We will be strange bedfellows with the republican bros for once, it appears. Yee Yee!, or whatever they say.” 

California will be leading the nation in this effort, in hopes of removing garbage from both the environment and the airwaves. 

At press time, many conservative California country fans agreed with the order, but they’d be damned before they ever admitted it. 

Guess It Depends on Your Point of View

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, George Strait, 49 Winchester

Well the People in the City Hate the People in the Field

Still More Overly Politically Correct Country Songs

My Cis-Het Male Parental Unit Doesn’t Speak to a Non-existent Deity Anymore - Chris Stapleton

Dinosaur - Hank Jr.

Waylon on My Willie - Tyler Childers

Elder Bohemian - The Bellamy Brothers

Caucasian-Tonk Person - Dwight Yoakam

I’m Gonna Hire a Person Who Uses Alcohol Unhealthily to Decorate Our Home - David Frizzell

Mt. & Mm. Used to Be - Ernest Tubb / Loretta Lynn

You Misspeak - Reba

(I’m a) Stand by My Person Person - Ronnie Milsap

Romany - Merle Haggard

Consensually Given Physical Pleasure by a Rural Cis Male - Wheeler Walker Jr.

Privileged, Young, Uneducated, Sex Enjoyer - Cross Canadian Ragweed

More Overly Politically Correct Country Songs

 Folsom Carceral Unit Depressive Disorder - Johnny Cash

Deity Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood

Migrant Agricultural Worker from Muskogee - Merle Haggard

Feathered Indigenous Americans - Tyler Childers

Intellectually Disabled CIS Young Woman - Keith Urban

Rhinestone Ranchhand - Glen Campbell

Kaw - Liga - Hank Williams

Louisiana Cisgender Woman, Mississippi Cisgender Man - Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn

You’re the Reason Our Offspring are Aesthetically Challenged - Conway & Loretta

War Dissenters and Cowpersons - Cody Jinks

Penis in Former Confederate States - Hank III

If You See Them, If You See Them - Reba

Xe Don’t Know Xe’s Attractive - Sammy Kershaw