Farce the Music: Brantley Gilbert

Showing posts with label Brantley Gilbert. Show all posts

Jan 16, 2019

The Next Smash for Jordan Lynch or Mitchell Davis or Whoever

If You Say I'm Not Country

I like sugar in my unsweet tea

And my Texas chili full of beans

And I'll be on your ass like jeans

If you say I'm not country

I like to hunt a little snipe

And eat honeysuckle when it's ripe

And mister I might pull a knife

If you say I'm not country

Cause I'm from where they sing about

in songs from Kenny and Tim

Down there on that ol' rural route

Where I have definitely been

Church and mama and all that stuff

And girls sweet as Georgia plums

If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come

I love to crank those old outlaw songs

Turn up the Brantley and sing along

I'll throw hands and prove you wrong

If you say I'm not country

Cause I love me a Grizzly pouch

There's red on my neck skin

From working tater fields down south

Where I have definitely been

Shine and biscuits and all that stuff

And girls sweet as Georgia plums

If you say I'm not, I might get rough

I'm as country as they come

Bridge

You can say I use snap beats

You can say I'm auto-tuned

But you can't say I'm not country

Just look at my Aldean tattoo

Yeah I'm from where they sing about

in songs from Kenny and Tim

Down there on that ol' rural route

Where I have definitely been

Church and mama and all that stuff

And girls sweet as Georgia plums

If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff

I'm as country as they come

Jan 4, 2019

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 34

When you think you've done everything you can do to avoid hearing Kane Brown, then his Amazon Music commercial comes on TV

Everyone who made Mitchell Tenpenny a thing deserves...

When your uncle gave you a Florida-Georgia Line CD for Christmas because your granny told him you like country

Too bad this isn't symbolic of country radio

When you see Randy Houser talking shit about mainstream country music

Rusev must be a Brantley Gilbert fan

When somebody plays whatever a Filmore is for Hulk Hogan

♫ ♬ Guitar man playing all night long

Take me back to where the music hit me ♫ ♬

Dec 6, 2018

"The Christmas Shoes" Sends Local Man Over the Edge

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, Thursday, December 15, 2011

Local country music fan Reginald Spears was arrested Tuesday for trespassing and destruction of property at WTSM Catfish 104.9 FM. Oddly enough, it was popular holiday song "The Christmas Shoes" that set him off.

Spears had apparently called the station several times in recent weeks profanely complaining about the seasonal hit being played so frequently. "I appreciate feedback from our listeners," said station manager Bart McGee, "but a lot of people like to hear that song this time of year. It's a sweet, and in no way contrived or overwrought, story."

Currently still in the Hazzard County Jail, Spears is facing potential stiff fines and further charges pending an FCC investigation of the incident that knocked WTSM off the air for approximately 28 hours Monday and Tuesday.

Around noon on Monday, Spears allegedly climbed the fence behind the radio station and used industrial-grade bolt cutters to cut all wires and cables connecting the transmitter tower to the station. Miraculously unhurt despite the barbed wire and high voltage, Spears was only caught after posting a photo of himself urinating on the tower on Facebook.

"I told that little weasely sumbitch DJ that if he played that 'Christmas Shoes' crap again, he was going to regret it," said the local man by phone interview yesterday.

Describing the circumstances that caused him to snap, Spears continued: "My internet had been down since I hit the phone line digging a pool in the front yard two weeks ago, so I was forcing myself to listen to regular radio. I usually just turned it down when they played Rascal Fatts or Fartly Gilbert, but it seemed like every other song was that damn weepy-ass feel-good piece of crap. Man, I love Jesus and everything, but f*** me runnin', I want to commit Harry Caray [editorial note: we're sure this is how he would have spelled it] when I hear about mama meeting Him tonight."

Over at WTSM, McGee tells us the Clear Channel affiliated radio station may sue Spears to recoup repair charges and loss of advertising revenue: "I can't understand how a lovely religious holiday song could make a man cause such damage - some folks just aren't wired right, I guess."

NewSong had no comment at press time.