Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Oct 16, 2019
Oct 15, 2019
Top 10 Things Overheard at Luke Bryan’s Farm Tour 2019
10. This cow shit better come off! I paid 400 dollars for these cowboy boots.
9. Kaiyleighe, ever since he quit wearing skinny jeans,
his music is a little worse to me for some reason.
8. I'm only here to see if he falls again again.
7. Even I know this Mitchell Tenpenny dude ain’t country,
and I’m an absolute dumbass.
6. Is it just me, or has Luke’s pelvic thrust lost a little propulsion?
5. (People taking off their boots to “knock” them together over their heads
during “Knockin’ Boots” because they have no idea what Luke’s outdated reference means)
4. I’m an Instagram Influencer! Let me pet the sheep or I’ll have this place cancelled!
3. I hope Luke covers some classics from the greats that influenced him
like Jason Derulo and Colt Ford.
2. As much as Luke is paying this farmer,
you’d think he could afford to get a sexier tractor.
1. Are you going to the concession stand? See if there are any older dudes around
who will buy us some White Claw.
Oct 14, 2019
Oct 11, 2019
New Americana Singer Searching for Just the Right Stupid Looking Hat
Aramy Turner, an Americana singer from Jackson, TN has spent several days searching for just the right look. He and his band, The Loosies, are about to do the photo shoot for their debut album and Turner is working himself into a tizzy in his quest for “authenticity.”
“I can’t do a cowboy hat because the Texas crowd will eat me alive on social media for not wearing it with just the right crease or something,” he fretted. “And the Texas scene is definitely a market where we want to get a foothold demographically …uh, I mean, them fans is real and shucks, we just want to play ‘em good music!”
Turner tries on a porkpie hat and smiles. “That’s what I’d love to wear, because I’m a hipster from way back, but I know Farce the Music would make fun of me, not that they have quite as much clout since the bro-country era, according to our data… um, I mean, I’m just gonna go a different direction so I look more natural.” said Aramy, giving a little too much away. “And I can’t do a flat cap because I’ve never been in a hardcore band.”
The Loosies, for their part declined the invitation to shop for headwear with their mouthpiece, settling on trucker caps and fishing hats they already owned, and the label approved. Turner knows that he’ll be a focal point in the promotion though, so he’s struggling to strike that perfect balance between fashion plate and “real hard-working salt-of-the-earth type who just happens to sing songs about loss of train culture and raising the minimum wage.”
“I can’t look like I tried too hard, even though that’s what I’m doing right now,” laughed Turner. “And I also can’t do the Luke Combs thing where it looks like he just pulled out a beer-stained hat that was stuck in some gum under his truck seat.”
At press time, Turner was working with a haberdasher to custom design a fedora/cowboy hat hybrid that would hide his receding hairline and set off his beard just right.
Oct 10, 2019
Zombieland Country Reaction Gifs
If there's a classic country station in your town
When you're playing originals
and somebody requests "Wagon Wheel"
When a kid says Willie Nelson sucks
When a modern country singer thinks he's outlaw because of a weed charge
Do you wanna listen to Kane Brown?
New Cody Jinks. Tomorrow.
When you were joking about liking Luke Bryan to your aunt and she bought you his discography
"How about we listen to the new Zac Brown Band?"
Oct 9, 2019
Oct 8, 2019
Country Music Anagrams: Morgan Wallen, Margo Price, Tyler Childers, etc.
noun a word, phrase, or name formed by rearranging the letters of another, such as cinema, formed from iceman.
Sorry Dwight.
Oct 7, 2019
Oct 4, 2019
Tool Dresses as Kenny Chesney to Attend Kenny Chesney Concert
 |
| Local tool, in his usual attire |
by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California April 09, 2009 - Idea by Mr. Wilcox
Local tool and fan of "whatever the country station is playing," Morty 'Mo' Haas, dressed up as Kenny Chesney to attend Friday's Kenny Chesney concert. The idea first came to Mo after a shower, as he stared through a heavy cloud of Axe at his image in the fogged mirror and realized just how much he looked like the superstar from east Tennessee. The male pattern baldness, the insane guns, the extraordinarily average visage, the 5 foot 5 stature... it all added up.
Two hours later, Mo and his buddy Chaz Vance stepped into the Mohegan Sun Arena dressed to kill... margaritas. Mo was clad in a sleeveless Hooters t-shirt, a rumpled cowboy hat bought at a garage sale, tattered size 36 Rustler jeans that took 10 minutes to stretch over his meaty thighs and a pair of Corona flip flops. His buddy Chaz dressed as one of Kenny's guitar players, wearing jeans and a t-shirt of some indie rock band he'd never actually heard of (R.E.M.). All the fine ladies drooled and the guys mad-dogged as they strode into the arena, Mo later reported.
When Kenny hit the stage, singing some song about feet or Yoohoos or something, most of the fans were staring at Mo, thinking he was actually Kenny singing from the audience, reported Chaz.
"The resemblance was disturbing" says April Curtis, who was also at the concert on Friday. "I had seats near that guy, but me and my girlfriends moved down into some empty seats because his hairy gut kept popping out from under his too-tight shirt and bumping my elbow; I nearly mouth-vomited."
By the midway point, Chaz and Mo were so deep into the $8 margaritas that arena security officials were watching them closely. "That tool in the stretch jeans kept telling girls he actually was Kenny and that his stunt double was filling in for him tonight so he could chill with all the sexy honeys," said Rufus Long, Mohegan Sun rent-a-cop director, "and the other sleazebag was 'screening' girls for him."
Their conduct, although pathetic, never warranted an arrest during the show, but section FF was completely devoid of females by the encore. As he and Chaz stumbled out womanless, Mo bought a $35 t-shirt as a memento of the event and promptly ripped the sleeves off.
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