Farce the Music: Satire

Nov 13, 2020

Luke Bryan Fan Facebook Comments: Greatest Hits

Fight Club Country Reaction Gifs

A bunch of pop stars sang at the CMA Awards?

My advice to all the fit, coiffed, boring pop-country dudes:

When you fall in love with somebody and then find out they're a Luke Bryan fan

Me watching the CMA Awards

Also the same rule for the good ole boys club in Nashville

When I catch myself enjoying a few seconds of a FGL song

Yeah, there was a Tim McGraw stage in there but I've changed

Oh, another song about worshipping a woman who has her feet up on the dash of your truck?

Man Unable to Grow Beard Kicked Out of Americana Band

Matt Sandifer, former bassist of Americana band Farmer Union, says he was recently given the pink slip for a peculiar reason.

“My beard is patchy.” said a despondent Sandifer. “I can’t help my damn genetics.”

Sandifer told us that no complaints were ever made about his ability to keep the bottom steady in the band’s songs about unions, farms, William Gay novels, Donald Trump, and kudzu. His appearance and hygiene, besides the follicular challenge, were never an issue either.

“I took my monthly shower like the rest of them,” he explained. “And my clothes all came from the Salvation Army store in whatever town we’d played, along with t-shirts from bands who opened for us.” He also told us there were no issues with his politics.

“I’m a card carrying member of Antifa and attended all the same meetings they did.” he said. “And I took a photo of my voting ballot so that they could see I voted blue or green all the way down.”

He went on to say that though Farmer Union never gave him a formal reason for the release, he’s certain it’s because the “other three dudes look like they just walked out of the woods with an axe and a blue ox.” “I’ve tried everything, oils, lotions, massages, testosterone therapy… nothing worked.” said Matt. “The best I could do was a sad goatee, a busted mustache and weird patches of hair on my cheeks - I looked like a peeping Tom.”

“I thought Americana was supposed to be about substance, and not image …or marching to the beat of what other roots bands do,” said a disgusted Sandifer. “F*** those guys.”

At press time, Farmer Union was smoking weed by a dumpster in Belleville.