What Your Carved Pumpkin Says About You

(Luke Bryan)

 A teen girl and/or a single mom live here.

We vote Republican We don't vote.

The person handing out Halloween candy is probably drunk on White Zinfandel.

(Kenny Chesney)

We own at least one of those tiny dogs we carry around in a purse.
The person handing out Halloween candy is definitely drunk on White Zinfandel.

 A cool family lives here.

But you can't have a brownie.

 A Brantley Gilbert fan lives here.

Kenny Teaches Chase a New Word

Honest iTunes Country Singles Chart

New Kenny Chesney Album Cover Revealed!

Country TwitterWIN: July '14

Little Known Facts: July '14

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

If you don't use American made fireworks to celebrate Independence Day, 

Toby Keith will come to your house and put a boot up your ass.

Chase Rice's college football career was cut short due to an injury sustained in a tragic keg stand mishap.

Scott Borchetta doesn't mind if you question his business decisions and ethics, 

but if you say one word about his perm he will end you.

The average Luke Bryan fan can type 49 werds per minute.

Jerrod Niemann wants you to know that it was his record label's idea to release "Donkey." 

In fact, he didn't even want it on the album. In fact, that's not even him singing on the track. 

Seriously, guys.

Colt Ford is a really nice guy until you remind him that his music completely sucks ass.

Tim McGraw wants you to know that it was his record label's idea to release "Lookin' for That Girl." In fact…

Justin Moore only drinks top shelf liquor, unless he's alone and can't reach it.

Martina McBride stopped doing festival dates with bro-country acts 

because their fans would all wave American flags during "Independence Day."

In a recent competition to find country music's best looking beard, 

Whitey Morgan came in second behind Miranda Lambert.

Kenny Chesney once broke up a clothes-ripping brawl between Faith Hill and Shania Twain 

backstage at the CMAs. Said Ronnie Dunn, who witnessed the whole thing, "Chesney's a dumbass."

New country artist Walker Chase Blake hopes to stand out from the crowd with his new rap-tinged

single "Blah blah something about kisses at night or whatever."

Johnny Cash had an amazing collection of 19th century guns and antique books. 

Brantley Gilbert has a pretty sweet collection of glass pipes and Juggs magazines.

Somewhere In Nashville Right Now...

Somewhere In Nashville Right Now...

A songwriter is rewriting a verse so he can fit "my bae" into the song.

Looks are winning out over talent - @Mando_lines

A former folk band hopeful is shaving his beard into a douchebag goatee.

A Luke Bryan fan just hit puberty - ‏‪@redonkulousD‬

Keith Anderson is loading the UPS truck for his morning run.

Marilyn Manson is cutting his first country single, Tailgating in Hell.

Tim Mcgraw and Kenny Chesney are being classified as "Classic Country" - @pug6994

Scott Borchetta is signing the first "bro-grass" band.

Some dearly departed country legend actually digs the new Jerrod Niemann song

and is NOT rolling in his grave.

I'm eating a peanut butter sandwich - @ToddFarrellJr

Someone is writing one of the most beautiful and inspired country songs of all time (that will be never be heard on country radio).

Rhett Akins is writing a country-rap song about John Anderson.

A man is putting zebra striped spandex under ripped jeans looking himself

in the mirror and saying THAT'S COUNTRY right thar. - @xray_don66

A producer is trying to figure out where to put the bass drop in a hot new country band's debut song.

----------------

Thanks to Twitter pals for helping out!

Fun With Google Search Autofill (Luke Bryan, Taylor Swift, etc)

Some would say...

No, but he's begging the guys to expand to Florida-Georgia-Carolina Line.

I'd tend to agree.

Um, could you not have used the image search to determine for yourself?

That's a new one.

Maybe, but Doug Supernaw most definitely is.

I'm not saying a word.

These first two searches were traced back to rural Georgia.

Again, not saying a word...

Actually, Kenny Rogers died in 1996 and was replaced by a mannequin.

Yes, but his fans can't.

FTM's Christmas Parody Song Playlist

FTM Holiday Song Parody Playlist*:

David Allan Coe- I'm Dreaming of a White White Christmas

Kacey Musgraves feat Ashley Monroe and Willie Nelson- The Christmas Bong

Florida-Georgia Line- Doin' it for the HoHoHos

Scotty McCreery - The Howdy Doody Christmas

Gary Levox- I'm Getting Stuffing for Christmas

Taylor Swift - Santa Looked a Lot Like Scott Borchetta

Kenny Chesney-  All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Man

Justin Moore - Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas

Colt Ford ft T-Pain- Rufus the Remix Reindeer

Jason Aldean - Oh Come All Ye Unfaithful

Luke Bryan- Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans

--------------------------------------

-Concept and most of the titles by Robert Groves @fiveoletsgo

*These songs do not actually exist.

Little Known Facts: September '13

Whitey Morgan's beard is two years older than Whitey.

Jake Owen's severed finger tip recently sold on eBay for $7.

Tyler Farr had to leave his hometown of Garden City, Missouri over

fear of being Baker-acted by local mental health officials.

When asked what his biggest accomplishment since moving to Nashville was,

Justin Moore replied "Using the big boy potty."

When he returns home covered in glitter, Luke Bryan's wife wishes he had been at a gentlemen's club.

No buffalos were harmed during the recording of Buffalo Gospel's album

We Can Be Horses but three bison were castrated.

Devil John Moonshine recently selected Shooter Jennings as their spokesperson

because Davis Daniel was too busy with his music career.

The Snuffleupagus costume was recently stolen from the set of Sesame Street

forcing Colt Ford to play the part of Snuffy for three episodes.

When asked about the lasting effects of her ended relationship with

Brantley Gilbert, Jana Kramer said, "Its nothing a little cream won't clear up."

A high amount of sun exposure is harmful to your body and can alter brain function.

Example 1: Kenny Chesney.

Farcethemusic.com creator Trailer started the site after

visiting tasteofcountry.com and realizing he couldn't do worse.

Jackson Taylor's band The Sinners are all former members of 98 Degrees.

---------------

By Jeremy Harris

Fun With Google Searches: Randy Rogers, Luke Bryan, Wynonna, etc.

Once again... I didn't say it...

1 out of 4 ain't bad.

Yes, but he has to smile at the same time.

Forty-One Days Until College Football!

Jimmy Buffett's New Album Cover Revealed

Country TwitterWINS: May '13