Least Essential Country Albums: Kane Brown, Tyler? Childers, FGL, etc.

Oh, that's a real album...

The "Steak Meme" Returns

Inappropriate TV Scene Background Country Songs

*As Chris in the comments reminds us, all of these aren’t really country

More Monday Memes: Waylon, Game of Thrones, Post Malone

Untrue Facts About Hank Sr., Martina, Shooter Jennings, etc.

Keith Urban Vandalizes Country Music Hall of Fame

Country music superstar Keith Urban was arrested Thursday for causing nearly two million dollars worth of damage at Nashville's Country Music Hall of Fame. Urban, 50,  was booked on charges of felony vandalism, trespassing, and destruction of property. He was released after posting $250,000 bail. A court hearing is scheduled for June 20.

Witnesses say they were surprised to see Urban strolling through the facility alone. That wasn't the strangest thing they'd see. "A few people immediately recognized him and were crowding around for autographs," said museum guest Carl Jenkins. "I thought it was weird he was out in public without security… and he was wearing this big whop-sided backpack with box-cutters and stuff falling out of it."

Carl said Urban took a ball-peen hammer from his pack and asked the surrounding crowd to please excuse him. "He climbed over the barrier and smashed the shit out of Hank Williams Sr's guitar," said Jenkins. "It was crazy, there wasn't nothing left but wire and sawdust when he was through."

Urban then defaced at least 15 of the bas relief Hall of Fame member plaques, including Fred Rose, Tammy Wynette, and Don Schlitz, spray painting such things as phalluses and the word "fart" across them. He also sprayed deer scent all over the iconic "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" inscription with a Super Soaker water gun. 

Before leaving the Hall, Urban also hurled DeFord Bailey's harmonica down a hallway, poured a kale smoothie on several Nudie suits, and cut all the fringe off one of Patsy Cline's outfits. 

Museum staff and security never intervened during Urban's rampage because they thought he was just 'pushing the boundaries of his art or filming a prank show or something.' When all was said and done, however, the Kiwi country guitar slinger had caused real and lasting damage on country's hallowed halls. Urban was taken into custody without incident at his home later that evening. 

While neither Urban nor his wife Nicole Kidman could be reached for comment, Keith's manager told us he doesn't expect Keith's reputation or career to take a hit over the situation because he's very handsome and such a good guitar player.

That Just Ain't Right

Country TwitterFAIL: May '18

Monday Memes: Let's Get Obvious!

First off all, I think these popular country memes are stupid. I didn't start them and I won't retweet them or post them on our Facebook page.

That kind of stuff's way too obvious for me. I like satire and weird, twisted humor. That's why we'll never have millions of followers too, but that's a story for another day. Anyway, here are my own versions of the currently viral "Obvious Country Music Lyric Memes."

Monday Morning Memes: Ernest Tubb, Ward Davis, Luke Bryan, WWE

(Yeah, I know Brock likes country ....it's just a meme)

Hashtag Games: #smellycountrymusic

Did another "hashtag game" on Twitter yesterday and here are the results. 

The theme was #smellycountrymusic
I came up with most of them this time around, so it's clear I have the mind of a twelve year old.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas Retch

"Head Over Poots" by Jon Farti

"Wanna Be That Pong"

"Your Cheatin' Fart" @JVsFillnStation

"Body Odor Like a Back Road"

"I Fall in Feces"

"Stinkin' Problem" (Midland) @countrymindblog

"Fulsome Prison Blues"

"Too Much Funk" (Daryle Singletary)

Pollute Bryan

"Does Right Guard Ever Cross Your Mind?"

"Mama's Broken Fart" @gradywsmith

Stank Williams Jr.

"On the Commode Again"

Reba Burning-Tire @dgoble83

"Blame it on Your Shart"

Jason Piss-smell

"Craps That Burn" (Thomas Rhett) @DHWritesCountry

"Dirt Road Diarrhea"

"My Shoes Keep Smelling Up The House" (Ray Price) @mattbrucker20

Rascal Flatulence

"Turds All the Way Down" (Sturgill) @Dennis_Petee

"Don't You Think This Outhouse Stench Has Done Got Out of Hand"

"Baby's Got Her Blue Waffle On"* @ohbuffalo
*FTM is not responsible for eyesight ruined or jobs lost due to Google searching this; just don't.*

"Turd Load Anthem"

"Some Girls Poo" (Sawyer Brown) @andythedrifter

Yucky Covington

"Redneck Crotch Club"

Top 10 Conspiracies Shooter Jennings Can Cover Next

 

To celebrate the release of the Black Ribbons Ultimate Edition, Shooter Jennings has been running a podcast recently called Beyond the Black. In it he discusses the conspiracy-minded topics covered on that dystopian album. Jeremy counted down the best topics Shooter can cover on future episodes!

(and it's a top 11)

Top 11 Upcoming Topics For 

Shooter Jennings' Beyond The Black Podcasts

11. David Allan Coe was never picked up by the ghost of Hank Williams. 

10. All Colt Ford songs are secretly written about independent wrestler Die Hard Tom McClane. 

9. Bambi's mom was an inside job. 

8. Earl Thomas Conley schedules his tour dates around the Seattle Seahawks schedule. Coincidence?

7. 'Walking Dead' scenes that show destroyed urban areas are actually drone footage from outdoor bro-country concerts. 

6. The earth is a simulation created by Richard Garriott.

5. Randy Quaid and Gary Levox have never been seen together. Tune in to find out why. 

4. Proof that Sturgill Simpson is actually a reptile alien made of light. 

3. Detroit was booming until Kid Rock went country. The connection is there!

2. Two members of Jackson Taylor's band are NOT sinners. 

1. Billy Ray Cyrus died in a rollerblading accident and was saved when doctors working as consultants on the show 'Doc' stole Elvis' brain and implanted it into his head. The show was cancelled shortly after because he constantly wanted to sing 'Love Me Tender' during every episode. (This title may need to be shortened before airing the show)

-by Jeremy Harris

Cody Jinks, Hank, Jackson Taylor Memes: Stash Contest Entries

From Ryan Graham