Showing posts with label Lee Greenwood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lee Greenwood. Show all posts

Jul 2, 2019

Lee Greenwood Quivering With Anticipation

Patriot and country singer Lee Greenwood is literally shaking with excitement. “42 hours, 5 minutes, 16 seconds… 42 hours, 5 minutes, 15 seconds… “ he chants, staring down at the Apple Watch on his wrist and rocking back and forth on his heels in front of a signed portrait of General Norman Schwarzkopf in his Franklin home’s expansive foyer. His eyes are wild and shifty. His breathing is rushed and his hands are shaking. A single bead of sweat, or possibly a tear hangs halfway down his left cheek. 

“He’s been like this since 12 a.m. yesterday morning,” said Lee’s exasperated wife. “He packed all day Sunday; every piece of American flag clothing he owns is in a trailer behind his Suburban out there. Since then, he’s just been here by the front door waiting on ‘go.’ 

Lee’s countdown will end when the calendar hits July 4th, a sacred holiday in the Greenwood household. Since 1984, his song “God Bless the USA” has become as much a part of America’s Independence Day as fireworks, barbecue, and watermelon, keeping Greenwood in the public eye long past his radio hit-making days. With 27 scheduled appearances this week, ranging from minor league baseball games to fireworks spectaculars, the man could not be more in the zone.

His wife is concerned about his health. “We may have to put in an IV to get him hydrated,” she said. “We’ve also tried to give him a Xanax to calm him down, but he slapped the bottle across the room; we then shot him with a tranquilizer dart, which had no effect.” “Oh dear!” she suddenly exclaimed, noticing some sort of outward sign of Lee’s eagerness and blocking our view of his lower abdominal area.

At press time, there was no verification to the rumor that Lee arose from a box of mothballs like some Old Glory loving vampire Monday morning. 

May 17, 2018

Country Doppelgängers: Evan Felker, Clint Black, Koe Wetzel, etc.

 Roy Rogers looked like Clint Black's dad

 Turnpike Troubadour Evan Felker
and actor/Jackass Johnny Knoxville

 Jordan Davis is a less cool 
Opie of Sons of Anarchy (Ryan Hurst)

 Kyle Park and "yodel boy" Mason Ramsey

Parker McCollum and Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter

Koe Wetzel is Mark Henry without the melanin and muscles

Lee Greenwood looks like man

Aug 4, 2017

King of the Hill: Country Reaction Gifs

"Stick the pink umbrella in your drink..."

When you're at a Lee Greenwood concert
shroomed out of your gourd

Watching the new pop country douchebags file in one by one

Because there aren't enough male/female Americana duos...

When Bobby says Sam Hunt is cool

 When you find out Tyler Childers played
in your town two nights ago

When you scare the shit out of Willie Nelson
with a wicked acoustic solo

Jul 6, 2016

Little Known Facts: July 2016

Kane Brown is so country, he knows every word to "Dirt Road Anthem."

Shooter Jennings is the first night headliner for the 2016 Gathering of the Juggalos.

We Hate Pop Country has a secret stash of Rascal Flatts and Shania Twain CDs at their headquarters.

The phrase "Turd in the punch bowl" is being replaced by "Brantley at Willie's Picnic."

Kelsea Ballerini's next album will have more autobiographical songs, like 
"OMG Guys I'm Like So Drunk" and "Payola Princess."

Lee Greenwood's yearly relevance just peaked.

Cole Swindell is completely hairless.

Everyone that played Martina McBride's 'Independence Day' on Independence Day is an idiot.

Blake Shelton's middle name, Tollison, comes from the Anglo-Saxon term meaning "mailing it in."

When not busy with his own schedule, Pitbull tours as The Mavericks keyboard player.

Scott Borchetta has a tattoo of Baphomet on his inner thigh.

Most people don't know that Axl Rose replaced Chris Stapleton in The Steeldrivers.

Miranda Lambert's new music has been delayed because her record company didn't think radio 
would be comfortable with all the uses of "motherf***ker" and "son of a bitch."

Sam Hunt is just a regular guy who puts his 
wide-leg cropped trousers on one leg at a time like all of us.

Even though he was never entered, Gary Levox was the Las Vegas favorite 
to win the Nathan's hot dog eating competition.

This fakt haz bin ritten fonnetiklee so that FGL fanz kan reed it.

A group of Luke Bryan fans accidentally attended a Luke Bell show last week. 
They now think Luke Bryan sucks. 

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Sep 11, 2014

Little Known Facts: September '14

Lefty Frizzell was ambidextrous.

Creed's Scott Stapp considered making a country album but decided
against it because "the scene is just too douchey right now."

For every number 1 single Rascal Flatts has Gary Levox
celebrates by literally adding a notch to his belt.

Due to his reputation for making subpar music Chris Gaines decided
to make his comeback under the stage name Garth Brooks.

Justin Moore started singing country music after his "little luchador"
career ended with a mis-timed hurricanrana.

Thanks to quick actions from a bystander who applied pressure to the wound,
the man Johnny Cash shot in Reno lived until 2007.

Taylor Swift says she hasn't dated in over a year, so her next album
will be entirely about collecting cats and eating Blue Bell by the quart.

Little Big Town is a bad good band.

Each year, Lee Greenwood goes into hibernation
from November 12 through the last Sunday in May.

Sam Hunt is so country, he once got barbecue sauce on his vintage mesh yellow polo.

Jason Brown changed his name to Colt Ford to avoid being confused with his younger brother Chris Brown.

Despite FTM's constant jokes, Brantley Gilbert has only tried meth once and he didn't like it.
(Then he tried it 64 more times and didn't like it any of those times either.)

On the grounds of Toby Keith's Norman, OK farm/estate, there is a life-sized bronze statue of Toby Keith.

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Aug 29, 2012

Republican Parody Album Covers

In honor of the 2012 Republican National Convention, here are
a few parody album covers of Republican artists.


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