Just the Facts

Trailer Park Boys Country Reaction Gifs

*foul language*

A good ol' boy country exec trying to deal with all the women and black people wanting to be on country radio

  

If you attempt to listen to an entire FGL album

They can have 30 songs on the country charts with the word "girl" in them but can't have more than 5 actual "girls?"

Dalton Domino, Vince Gill, and Tanya Tucker have new albums coming out tomorrow

Waiting for the Thomas Rhett concert to start like

Still more country than Sam Hunt

I give the new Blake Shelton song one finger up

Batman vs. Blake Shelton

I Can See It In Your Eyes

When You're Right, You're Right

Local Man Arrested for Destruction of Pop-Country Playing Jukebox

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 18, 2011 

Local bowler and country music fan Reginald Spears, 46, has been arrested for destruction of property at an area bowling alley. Last Saturday at 9:15 PM, Spears was taken into custody for destroying the facility's jukebox with his 17 pound black-speckled Brunswick ball. 

Released on bail, Mr. Spears sat down and spoke with FNN correspondent Trailer about the events that had transpired on the previous Saturday. 

"Well, it goes like this," started Spears. "I was about to bowl my first 300 game; I was down to my final muthaf***ing frame and you know what come on the jukebox? F***ing Glory-anner. I'd dealt with Jason Aldean, Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift through 10 freaking perfect rolls, but that 'Wild at Heart' song just jerked me out of my zone… I went right in the gutter, g**dammit!" 

"My name is not on a little wooden plaque at the Southpaw Lanes because of a damn show choir!!" raged Reginald. "My blood started boilin' in the sixth set when somebody played that dirty sumb*tch Kid Rock, but I let it slide with the help of some cold, sweet High Life…" 

Missing out on the first perfect game cranked Reginald into an unbridled fury. Witness reports have him cursing at a high volume before retrieving his ball from the return. He walked semi-calmly to where the change machine and jukebox rest against the south wall before going into his locally revered wind-up. 

"He bowled a strike on that one!" laughed Percy Garvin, local 205 average bowler. "I gave him a high five. I hate country music! Why can't anybody around here ever order up some Clarence Carter?" 

Spears' shot hit squarely in the middle of the "new fangled" digital jukebox, smashing two speakers and the hard drive, ending the evening's musical accompaniment. Insurance adjusters called it a total loss, valuing the jukebox at $1250.35. 

"I smiled in the mug shot… Hell, I'm proud of what I did," said a defiant Mr. Spears. "I struck a blow against mainstream country and against that dumb*ss drunk sorority girl who paid half a dollar to hear crap." 

Reginald Spears has been banned from Southpaw Lanes and removed from the local league, prompting this response from the accused: "I don't give a fried f**k; I'm going into golf now. That's the only other sport you can drink while you play." 

More Monday Memes: Hank 3, Kane Brown, Blake Shelton

Monday Morning Memes: Blake Shelton Edition

Hell, Right?

Zac Brown’s Diss Track Lyrics Leaked

The Zac Brown Band’s upcoming album The Owl already promises to be controversial among fans and detractors alike. With Brown announcing the participation of several pop producers, and YouTubers posting live performances of new hip-hop flavored songs from the band, the record is sure to raise some country purists’ hackles.

Now comes word of a ‘hidden’ track on the album that takes aims at those very naysayers. Brown already infamously told off the haters on June’s CMT Awards with a profane outburst, but we’re told this song takes things much further. In what’s known in rap circles as a “diss track,” Zac calls out critics, country bloggers, and former fans over their “closed-minded ways.” 

While it’s uncertain if the song, entitled “Hyde Goes Off,” (named for literary villain Edward Hyde, and ZBB’s own Jeckyll and Hyde album) will see the light of day on the official release, sources have assured us that the song is very much real. “He’s sick of people expecting him to adhere to a certain standard of quality in his music, so he’s lashing out.” said one party. “Zac has been, um, experimenting in life, and that has carried over to his songs, and he wants to be able to fart around in the DJ booth or drop bars as he pleases without bloggers making fun of him.” said another.

We haven’t heard “Hyde Goes Off,” but were given a verse of the song, which is said to be very ‘gangsta rap’ with gun shot sound effects and chains rattling in the background. An excerpt of the verse follows.

Ya callin’ me a hypocrite

But bitches, I’m a hustla

Hittin’ corners in my Chiron whip

You just a bunch of bustaz

I just wanna sling my trap

Blaze the weed and stack my dough

Don’t make me have to bust a cap

In y’all “that ain’t country” hoes

At press time, Zac Brown was stumbling around a haberdashery, dressed like a 1930s motorcycle sidecar passenger, mumbling incoherently about whipping someone named “Trailer’s” ass.

Show Some Gratitude!

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 37

People who don't like Whitey Morgan are

My review of the new Blake Shelton/Trace Adkins song that I haven't even heard yet

When you're at a restaurant and immediately realize they're playing mainstream country over the speakers

When Tyler Childers lets the beard grow out

I like Carrie Underwood, but her current single is

What does mainstream country radio do?

When you go to a music festival in summer

Do you know anybody going to the Luke Bryan concert?

When your friends says "Okay, don't make fun of me but I kinda like that new Kane Brown song."

Those Already Exist, Riley Green

False Narrative

Receipts

The Highwaybros

Not to be outdone by the Highwomen's reimagining of The Highwaymen's "The Highwayman," a new group has formed... the Highwaybros.

Highwaybro

(parody of "The Highwayman")

I am a highwaybro

Up and down backroads I do ride

With beer and baby by my side

Many a young maid set bare feet upon my dash

Many a city boy had me whoop his punk ass

The popo got me in the spring for DUI

But f*** em I still drive

I am a player

I just gave your girl a ride

And with her all night I’ll abide

I drive a Raptor round the square to impress hos

She liked my lift kit and the way my high beams glow

Never used no protection and I never will

I hope she’s on the pill

I was a left fielder

Who smoked too much dope every night

My scholarship’s been cast aside

A place called Belmont, but my folks let me stay though

I’m learning songwriting, lit, and basic bio

Curb saw my headshot and they want me to come down

I guess I’m big star bound

I'll always be around and around and around and around and around

I fly a middle finger

Across the Davidson countyside

Got a lot of artificial pride

I walk with swagger, stick my chest out like a man

Perhaps I may roll coal on a soy boy again

Or I may simply send a dick-pic to Elaine

But I will remain

My kind comes back again, and again and again and again and again

Parody Promo Ad: Morgan Wallen

A Dumb Shirt and a Dumber One

I don't care what shade of the political spectrum you claim, this is a dumb shirt.

Here's a dumber one.

90s Country Memes: Tracy Lawrence, Mark Wills, Randy Travis

It's a Damn Mystery!