It's Lee Greenwood Season

Fake News Classics: Nashville Unsure How to Monetize Killing of bin Laden

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California May 24, 2011 

Several well-known country singers have expressed a sense of befuddlement about their course of action after the recent killing of Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. 

"Normally, I'd have three or four situation-appropriate patriotic singles I could rush to radio –- and I do, don't get me wrong –- but we get into a conundrum here because I don’t really understand what the hell is going on,” said one noted hitmaker who wished to remain anonymous. 

"I've got one in the can called 'We Got Our Man' but I mean, what if they didn't really get him? You've heard the conspiracy theories," he continued. "And another one's called 'We Salute You,' but that might be misconstrued as support for Obama or something, and that's career suicide in the country market." 

Representatives for Darryl Worley have confessed similar issues. "Darryl needs a hit right now so he doesn't have to go into underwear modeling -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- but he's a country singer and he's a patriot and America needs him to wave the flag now more than ever," said an anonymous member of Worley's management. 

"We have a sequel to 'Have You Forgotten?' called 'We Remember' slated for release in late July to capitalize express his feelings on the ten year anniversary of 9/11, but that's two months from now... Darryl needs something on the market to keep his name out there, and the bin Laden killing is just too much of a mixed bag for us to formulate an approach on." 

Other artists such as Aaron Tippin and Lee Greenwood were also seeking outlets for their desire to represent this occasion in song at press time, but their camps were mum on possibilities. 

Toby Keith, however, was going full steam ahead with its release of "America, Hell Yeah," which hits radio five minutes ago. 

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 40

When mom took down your Dolly Parton poster

♫ ♬ The flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away ♫ ♬

How much interest do you have in Dustin Lynch?

When you hear your neighbors having a loud party with Texas country playing

When the drums kick in on "Feathered Indians"

Sorry, I just can't listen to that Kane Brown song you want me to hear

When Bob won't go with you to the Cody Jinks show instead of his girlfriend

Where you gonna get that Lucero tattoo?

The Crud Report: July 2019

Lee Greenwood Quivering With Anticipation

Patriot and country singer Lee Greenwood is literally shaking with excitement. “42 hours, 5 minutes, 16 seconds… 42 hours, 5 minutes, 15 seconds… “ he chants, staring down at the Apple Watch on his wrist and rocking back and forth on his heels in front of a signed portrait of General Norman Schwarzkopf in his Franklin home’s expansive foyer. His eyes are wild and shifty. His breathing is rushed and his hands are shaking. A single bead of sweat, or possibly a tear hangs halfway down his left cheek. 

“He’s been like this since 12 a.m. yesterday morning,” said Lee’s exasperated wife. “He packed all day Sunday; every piece of American flag clothing he owns is in a trailer behind his Suburban out there. Since then, he’s just been here by the front door waiting on ‘go.’ 

Lee’s countdown will end when the calendar hits July 4th, a sacred holiday in the Greenwood household. Since 1984, his song “God Bless the USA” has become as much a part of America’s Independence Day as fireworks, barbecue, and watermelon, keeping Greenwood in the public eye long past his radio hit-making days. With 27 scheduled appearances this week, ranging from minor league baseball games to fireworks spectaculars, the man could not be more in the zone.

His wife is concerned about his health. “We may have to put in an IV to get him hydrated,” she said. “We’ve also tried to give him a Xanax to calm him down, but he slapped the bottle across the room; we then shot him with a tranquilizer dart, which had no effect.” “Oh dear!” she suddenly exclaimed, noticing some sort of outward sign of Lee’s eagerness and blocking our view of his lower abdominal area.

At press time, there was no verification to the rumor that Lee arose from a box of mothballs like some Old Glory loving vampire Monday morning. 

More Monday Memes: Jason Aldean, Tyler Childers, Lee Greenwood

4 Barbara Mandrell Parody Album Covers

It's Almost July 4th, Lee Greenwood Be Like....

Country Doppelgängers: Evan Felker, Clint Black, Koe Wetzel, etc.

 Roy Rogers looked like Clint Black's dad

 Turnpike Troubadour Evan Felker

and actor/Jackass Johnny Knoxville

 Jordan Davis is a less cool 

Opie of Sons of Anarchy (Ryan Hurst)

 Kyle Park and "yodel boy" Mason Ramsey

Parker McCollum and Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter

Koe Wetzel is Mark Henry without the melanin and muscles

Lee Greenwood looks like ...aw man

Conway, Lee, Mikel, Old Dominion Parody Album Covers

King of the Hill: Country Reaction Gifs

"Stick the pink umbrella in your drink..."

When you're at a Lee Greenwood concert

shroomed out of your gourd

Watching the new pop country douchebags file in one by one

Because there aren't enough male/female Americana duos...

When Bobby says Sam Hunt is cool

 When you find out Tyler Childers played

in your town two nights ago

When you scare the shit out of Willie Nelson

with a wicked acoustic solo

Happy Lee Greenwood Day!

Trump Goes Over His List of Inauguration Performers

Little Known Facts: July 2016

Kane Brown is so country, he knows every word to "Dirt Road Anthem."

Shooter Jennings is the first night headliner for the 2016 Gathering of the Juggalos.

We Hate Pop Country has a secret stash of Rascal Flatts and Shania Twain CDs at their headquarters.

The phrase "Turd in the punch bowl" is being replaced by "Brantley at Willie's Picnic."

Kelsea Ballerini's next album will have more autobiographical songs, like 

"OMG Guys I'm Like So Drunk" and "Payola Princess."

Lee Greenwood's yearly relevance just peaked.

Cole Swindell is completely hairless.

Everyone that played Martina McBride's 'Independence Day' on Independence Day is an idiot.

Blake Shelton's middle name, Tollison, comes from the Anglo-Saxon term meaning "mailing it in."

When not busy with his own schedule, Pitbull tours as The Mavericks keyboard player.

Scott Borchetta has a tattoo of Baphomet on his inner thigh.

Most people don't know that Axl Rose replaced Chris Stapleton in The Steeldrivers.

Miranda Lambert's new music has been delayed because her record company didn't think radio 

would be comfortable with all the uses of "motherf***ker" and "son of a bitch."

Sam Hunt is just a regular guy who puts his 

wide-leg cropped trousers on one leg at a time like all of us.

Even though he was never entered, Gary Levox was the Las Vegas favorite 

to win the Nathan's hot dog eating competition.

This fakt haz bin ritten fonnetiklee so that FGL fanz kan reed it.

A group of Luke Bryan fans accidentally attended a Luke Bell show last week. 

They now think Luke Bryan sucks. 

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By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Tuesday Morning Memes: Toby Keith, Lee Greenwood, Cole Swindell

Monday Morning Memes: Lee Greenwood, Sam Hunt, Willie

Little Known Facts: September '14

Lefty Frizzell was ambidextrous.

Creed's Scott Stapp considered making a country album but decided

against it because "the scene is just too douchey right now."

For every number 1 single Rascal Flatts has Gary Levox

celebrates by literally adding a notch to his belt.

Due to his reputation for making subpar music Chris Gaines decided

to make his comeback under the stage name Garth Brooks.

Justin Moore started singing country music after his "little luchador"

career ended with a mis-timed hurricanrana.

Thanks to quick actions from a bystander who applied pressure to the wound,

the man Johnny Cash shot in Reno lived until 2007.

Taylor Swift says she hasn't dated in over a year, so her next album

will be entirely about collecting cats and eating Blue Bell by the quart.

Little Big Town is a bad good band.

Each year, Lee Greenwood goes into hibernation

from November 12 through the last Sunday in May.

Sam Hunt is so country, he once got barbecue sauce on his vintage mesh yellow polo.

Jason Brown changed his name to Colt Ford to avoid being confused with his younger brother Chris Brown.

Despite FTM's constant jokes, Brantley Gilbert has only tried meth once and he didn't like it.

(Then he tried it 64 more times and didn't like it any of those times either.)

On the grounds of Toby Keith's Norman, OK farm/estate, there is a life-sized bronze statue of Toby Keith.

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

If God Bless the USA Was Written Now

Country Day Sept. '12: Parody Album Covers Part 2