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May 8, 2020

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This Won't Be Popular

Axl Rose Recording Country Album

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, October 20, 2009

Spurred on by Gone Country rock-star pal Sebastian Bach, rock icon and lead singer of Guns n' Roses, Axl Rose, has begun work on an epic country album. In a nearly-coherent blog diatribe directed at some unnamed assailant in the Nashville press, Rose announced his plans in maniacally honest detail.

Here is an excerpt from that post:

"Despite this uneducated m*****-f*****'s baseless claims and slander against me, I will persevere and this album will see the light of the day in a few short months or possibly 17 years. I have already hired some of Nashville's finest musicians and plan to alienate and fire them one by one until I end up with a band that in no way resembles the one that is intact at this moment. However, I will keep each person's contribution and use them in multi-multi-tracked songs that are rich with sound the way a pizza burger stir-fry with chocolate ranch taco sauce is rich with taste."

He continued: "I expect to go through somewhere between $2 and 25 million dollars of Curb Records' money and have several label heads fired during the laborious recording process. I will spend my downtime: 1) hanging with Baz (Bach) and John Rich, 2) punching Nashville celebrities at charity events and 3) suing people. After finishing this record, I will resume recording of Chinese Democracy 2 which will come out posthumously. And hey, you scum-sucking, onerous piece of crap, you'll never say that s*** about me again!"

The already mythical Arkansas Literacy album is expected to be an exclusive one-album deal with Target. Industry insiders predict it will sell around 150,000 the first week before tanking, after which Axl will make another rambling, curse-filled blog post blaming Target, Slash and the Jehovah's Witnesses for weak sales.

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: May 2020

A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (6) overall which is a 25(!!) point improvement from December (the previous time we did this chart). I wouldn’t say the country chart is more country these days, but the quality has improved by leaps and bounds. There’s more depth. There are more women. The worst song is Florida-Georgia Line’s “I Love My Country.” The best song is Maddie & Tae’s “Die From a Broken Heart,” which has been on the charts for …ever, it seems.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.