SMDH Brad

River Bank Remix (w/Colt Ford)

The Bro in Black?

Thanks to Mike McDermott for this disturbing piece!

Douchenbach (Parody Lyric)

Douchenbach, Georgia

(Lyric Parody of Waylon & Willie's "Luckenbach, TX")

The only two things in life that make it worth livin'

Is DJs that drop bass and ass shakin' women

I just need my name on a tatt that's tight

I bust my rhymes so you'll go down on me tonight

Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Aldean and Brantley and the dudes

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule

Between Hank Junior's boozin' and

FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

So baby let's buy some wallet chains

Square toed boots and shiny jeans and go away

This mowing yards has got to stop

And working at your beauty shop, you cry all day

We've been so busy living home with our moms

They won't let us smoke and throw out our beer bongs

Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Colt Ford, Cole Swindell and the bros

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up some Chingy and some J-Kwon tho'

Between Snoop Doggy's tokin' and

Limp Bizkit Rollin' and Toby Keith kickin' some ass

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they glass

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Luke Bryan, Sam Hunt and the dudes

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule

Between Hank Junior's boozin' and

FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

Well, That's Pretty Helpful

Billboard Country Chart - 1 Year From Now

Warning Labels: Luke Bryan, Colt Ford, Chase Rice, etc.

If You're Gonna Play in Georgia... (Alabama Parody)

"If You're Gonna Play In Georgia

(You Gotta Have A DJ In The Band)"

(Parody of Alabama's "If You're Gonna Play in Texas (You Gotta Have a Fiddle in the Band)"

Idea adapted from Facebook post by Steven Pony Hill

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's alright but son, not for a Leesburg man

So make that EQ bounce for "Country Girl" and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

I remember down in Macon we were playin' country songs

When a frat-boy in the back stood up and yelled, "Get Your Shine On!"

He said, "We hate what you're doin', we need the thump real strong,

Bro, that twang you're twangin' don't belong"

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's alright but not for a Columbus man

So make that EQ bounce with some Colt Ford and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

So we flattened our cap brims and borrowed some sweet wallet chains

Them Georgians jumped and hollered when Jeff smiled and dropped the bass

You say y'all all wanna twerk it

You say ya wanna grind a ho'

Well, here's your douche-bag song before we go

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's alright but son, not for a Smyrna man

So make them hotties bounce for "Bottoms Up" and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

That lead guitar's okay, but son, not for a Moultrie man

So make that EQ bounce for "Chillin' It" and let's all jam

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

Then/Now: 1986 vs 2014

Fun With Google Search Autofill (Luke Bryan, Taylor Swift, etc)

Some would say...

No, but he's begging the guys to expand to Florida-Georgia-Carolina Line.

I'd tend to agree.

Um, could you not have used the image search to determine for yourself?

That's a new one.

Maybe, but Doug Supernaw most definitely is.

I'm not saying a word.

These first two searches were traced back to rural Georgia.

Again, not saying a word...

Actually, Kenny Rogers died in 1996 and was replaced by a mannequin.

Yes, but his fans can't.

Least Essential Country Albums: Dec. '13

FTM's Christmas Parody Song Playlist

FTM Holiday Song Parody Playlist*:

David Allan Coe- I'm Dreaming of a White White Christmas

Kacey Musgraves feat Ashley Monroe and Willie Nelson- The Christmas Bong

Florida-Georgia Line- Doin' it for the HoHoHos

Scotty McCreery - The Howdy Doody Christmas

Gary Levox- I'm Getting Stuffing for Christmas

Taylor Swift - Santa Looked a Lot Like Scott Borchetta

Kenny Chesney-  All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Man

Justin Moore - Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas

Colt Ford ft T-Pain- Rufus the Remix Reindeer

Jason Aldean - Oh Come All Ye Unfaithful

Luke Bryan- Rockin' Around in Skinny Jeans

--------------------------------------

-Concept and most of the titles by Robert Groves @fiveoletsgo

*These songs do not actually exist.

Little Known Facts: November '13

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Garth Brooks is reportedly killing it at a Tulsa Crossfit studio, getting in shape

to fit into his flying skinny jeans for his big come-back next year.

The only thing Colt Ford prefers to see butchered more than beef is the English language.

In 2011 Shooter Jennings nearly drown in a kiddy pool due to being

the person on bottom during a chicken fight.

Bucky Covington was not injured when Shooter dropped him into the pool.

"Gary Levox" loosely translates to vaginal mesh in Mandarin.

Zovirax dropped Brantley Gilbert as their spokesperson due

to potential customers thinking their product was douche.

The recipe to McDonald's secret Big Mac sauce is hidden deep in the beard of Matt Woods.

At a recent Chrysler Group meeting in Nashville, Ram CEO Reid Bigland jokingly (but not) asked, "Who do I have to blow to get a Ram truck mentioned in a country song?"

When Tim McGraw first met Faith Hill she knew it was love because

they always finished each other's sentences; now she only finishes his meals.

Johnny and June originally spelled their hit duet "Jackson" J-A-X-S-O-N

but were scared of a lawsuit from the writers of Sons of Anarchy.

If Blackjack Billy's fans could read this fact would make all three of them angry.

Dallas Davidson has a signature line of custom tailgates coming out with built-in moonshine jar holders, butt warmers, and a hidden camera to take up-skirt pics of your country girl.

George Strait's 2013 CMA Entertainer of the Year award will

proudly be displayed up Blake Shelton's ass.

Colt Ford is to music what Colt Ford is to golf.

A group of crows is called a murder; a group of kangaroos is a court;

a group of Nashville songwriters is called a "shart."

Bro-Country Lingo Bingo

Gather friends. Enjoy an adult beverage. Listen to country radio. Play. First person to BINGO gets to stop listening to country radio immediately.

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Colt Ford with Jason Aldean

Little Known Facts: September '13

Whitey Morgan's beard is two years older than Whitey.

Jake Owen's severed finger tip recently sold on eBay for $7.

Tyler Farr had to leave his hometown of Garden City, Missouri over

fear of being Baker-acted by local mental health officials.

When asked what his biggest accomplishment since moving to Nashville was,

Justin Moore replied "Using the big boy potty."

When he returns home covered in glitter, Luke Bryan's wife wishes he had been at a gentlemen's club.

No buffalos were harmed during the recording of Buffalo Gospel's album

We Can Be Horses but three bison were castrated.

Devil John Moonshine recently selected Shooter Jennings as their spokesperson

because Davis Daniel was too busy with his music career.

The Snuffleupagus costume was recently stolen from the set of Sesame Street

forcing Colt Ford to play the part of Snuffy for three episodes.

When asked about the lasting effects of her ended relationship with

Brantley Gilbert, Jana Kramer said, "Its nothing a little cream won't clear up."

A high amount of sun exposure is harmful to your body and can alter brain function.

Example 1: Kenny Chesney.

Farcethemusic.com creator Trailer started the site after

visiting tasteofcountry.com and realizing he couldn't do worse.

Jackson Taylor's band The Sinners are all former members of 98 Degrees.

---------------

By Jeremy Harris

Country TwitterFAIL: September '13