Bro-Country Song Idea Generator

The Americana Band Name Generator a few weeks back was such a hit, I figured I'd make another one. And this one's more helpful in making actual money! Click below...

Bro-country Song Inspiration Generator

The Vampires of Music Row

Country TwitterFAIL: February 2014

*Sorry about all the homophobic tweets, but I get tired of people equating

musical taste to sexual preference, whether in positive or negative connotations. 

Thanks for ruining my adolescent memories, guys!

Lyric Parody: Zac Brown Band - Sweet Annie

"Sweet Fanny"

(Parody of ZBB's "Sweet Annie")

(As sung by a bro-country songwriter)

I been drinkin' Lite

And leaning against this fender

Pretty girls and brain dead bros seem to be my line of work

Believe me when I say, I impressed by all your splendor

This man might be too old for you, but baby turn around

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Don't know how you're so round and tight

But those Daisy Dukes and your college glutes are just what I prefer

Your big and bodacious bootay, sugar shakes when you bend over

Dance around, to fake country sounds, please don't think I'm a perv

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Oh what a sight

There ain't too much fat in 'em

This'll go platinum

A plaque in my den

To tell the truth, my thoughts don't run much deeper

Did you just call me a creeper?

No please don't call the cops again

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Monday Morning Memes: Aldean's Huge Announcement, Bryan, etc.

It Was So Cold in Nashville Yesterday...

John Rich had to stay home and get plastered

158 hotties wearing cut-offs died of exposure

Luke Bryan had to pull out the skinny long-johns

Gary Levox had to have a gravy boat frozen to his tongue removed by the fire department

Wynonna turned bluish orange

Dallas Davidson wrote a song called "Ho on My Snowmobile"

Taylor Swift had to break up with boyfriends by text message

Brantley Gilbert fans had to warm themselves with meth lab burners

Justin Moore was lost in a 4" snow drift

Jamey Johnson slipped and shattered his beard

If ____ Wrote a Christmas Song 2013

If Brandy Clark Wrote a Christmas Song

Her husband cooked the turkey dry

And she ran out of Karo for pecan pie

and mama's arguing with daddy

So she rolled herself a fatty 

If Dallas Davidson Wrote a Christmas Song

You can be my Mrs. Claus

Big ol' present in short red draws

Climb up in my Chevy sleigh

Hand me a beer this Christmas day

If Megadeth Wrote a Christmas Song

From his fortress of white arctic doom

A fearsome man in a blood red suit

He's comin' for you

Incorruptible, indestructible

Riding on a neutron sleigh

Horned monsters pulling through the gray

He is on the way, ha ha haaaa

If Nickelback Wrote a Christmas Song

(You naughty girl)

You're dancing round the fireplace honey

(You dirty thing)

You shake your fruitcake for everyone

(You're such a bad girl)

I love how you have gifts for everybody

(So generous)

And tease them all by pulling on your bows

You're so much cooler when you give that thing a lick

Cause you look so much cuter sucking on a peppermint stick

If Kanye Wrote a Christmas Song

Hurry up with my damn presents

Don't act like I'm a damn peasant

Santa, watch me and take a lesson

I am a god

Monday Morning Memes: Dallas Davidson, Christmas, Bob Wills, etc.

 

Top Ten Things Luke Bryan is Thankful for this Thanksgiving

10. That he got back into his size 2 jeans from 2011

09. That Dallas Davidson has his finger on the pulse of idiot culture

08. That hardly anybody has caught on to how creepy it is

for a 37 year old man to be singing about college chicks

07. That he had children before the jeans made that medically impossible

06. That country in 2013 is more Miley than Dolly

05. That fame makes dance moves look 93% cooler (to fans) than they actually are

04. America's education system churning out more and more Luke Bryan fans

03. That you can buy tooth whitening trays in bulk

02. Gold Bond Medicated Powder

01. That he only has to listen to his own crappy songs 3 or 4 nights a week

Little Known Facts: November '13

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Garth Brooks is reportedly killing it at a Tulsa Crossfit studio, getting in shape

to fit into his flying skinny jeans for his big come-back next year.

The only thing Colt Ford prefers to see butchered more than beef is the English language.

In 2011 Shooter Jennings nearly drown in a kiddy pool due to being

the person on bottom during a chicken fight.

Bucky Covington was not injured when Shooter dropped him into the pool.

"Gary Levox" loosely translates to vaginal mesh in Mandarin.

Zovirax dropped Brantley Gilbert as their spokesperson due

to potential customers thinking their product was douche.

The recipe to McDonald's secret Big Mac sauce is hidden deep in the beard of Matt Woods.

At a recent Chrysler Group meeting in Nashville, Ram CEO Reid Bigland jokingly (but not) asked, "Who do I have to blow to get a Ram truck mentioned in a country song?"

When Tim McGraw first met Faith Hill she knew it was love because

they always finished each other's sentences; now she only finishes his meals.

Johnny and June originally spelled their hit duet "Jackson" J-A-X-S-O-N

but were scared of a lawsuit from the writers of Sons of Anarchy.

If Blackjack Billy's fans could read this fact would make all three of them angry.

Dallas Davidson has a signature line of custom tailgates coming out with built-in moonshine jar holders, butt warmers, and a hidden camera to take up-skirt pics of your country girl.

George Strait's 2013 CMA Entertainer of the Year award will

proudly be displayed up Blake Shelton's ass.

Colt Ford is to music what Colt Ford is to golf.

A group of crows is called a murder; a group of kangaroos is a court;

a group of Nashville songwriters is called a "shart."

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Classics

FTM ponders what these classic rock, R&B and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...

Heartbreaker (Led Zeppelin)

Shake so good got me in a bind, tripping on wallet chains

You're fillin' that bikini top, glistening by the fire

Sugar shaker, your tan lines glow, come take your Levi's off

Love that moneymaker

American Pie

So hey girl, Miss American Pie

Drove my Raptor to the pasture, drinkin' cherry moonshine

And us good old boys were crankin' Jay-Z on up

Singing this'll be the night I get some, this'll be the night I get some

He Stopped Loving Her Today

She stopped shakin' it today

He took her pic off his dashboard

And soon he'll wreck his Chevrolet

She stopped shakin' it today

When Doves Cry

Touch if you will my tattoo

Sweet-ass new tribal design

You've got the watermelon lipstick

Don't make me beg you

Country boys got pride

Hey Jude

Hey Chad, don't spill my beer

Crank a Hank song just like a baller

Remember to find a chick at the bar

Then you can start to give a holler

Thunder Road

And the truck door slams, Mary's sundress sways

Like a vision, she scoots across that bench seat

As the radio plays, Toby Keith singing "Who's Your Daddy"

Hey let me rub on your big fatty

Country TwitterFAIL: November '13