Why the NFL's Ratings Are Down

The Crud Report: August '17

Reginald Spears on Monday Night Football

This Guy Defends Mainstream Country

I'm hear to talk about everbody saying country music ain't country any more. It's something that really gets in my graw, and I'm sick and tired of it. I only git on Twitter to look at porn and threaten liberals, but ever time I do I see people like Mr. Farce the Music saying this same old stuff over and over. "They don't play no girls on country radio" "Sam Hunt is a pop singer" "FGL sucks"

Listen, you must not be hearing my local country station cause I here chicks on their all the time. At least once every four hours they play one and it's to much if you asked me. They all have whiny voices and they don't sing about the stuff I like. I mean, I'm not a sexiest, but women are supposed to be pop singers like Britany Spears, and not sing about hard, gritty country stuff like trucks and punching dudes.

Onto Sam Hunt now. He is a country singer weather you like it our not. Just because your old like 37 or something and wish all country songs we're still about crying in a bear or divorcing your cheating skank, doesn't mean us younger people wanna here about that stuff. Sit your old ass down and listen to you're eight track tapes with Tammy McEntire or whoever. I'm a country fan and Sam Hunt sings about things I expereeyence every day of my life like house parties and doing chicks on backroads. Jealous past your prime jerks just shut up. I hate pop music so clearly Sam Hunt isn't pop. I know my shit.

All these arguments just get old. You say the same things over and over:

Like "Where's the steal guitar?"
LMAO, TF is that.

"Where's the fiddle?"
You talking bout a violin's redneck cousin, bro? Nobody wanna hear that mess.

"There just appealing to young girls?"
And? Long as my girl is happy and in the mood, I'll listen too what ever she likes. If she looking hot and wanna call a Motly Crew song country, she can do it and you can step son.

So in summery, your stupid if you think what they plays on the radio now isn't real country music. Would some body in a position of authartity lie? Of course not. If Hank Williams Junyer was still alive he'd be making party music like FGL, and you know he would.

Get TF out of here with your salty old crusty head ass. I'm out hear tryna get my drink on and just have a good time and that's what country radio wants me to have to. Next your going to tell me that Lil Yachty isn't real rap music.

Monday Morning Memes: Hank Jr, Hockey, Respecting Women

When Good News Becomes Horrible News

Monday Morning Memes: Sam Hunt, Rupaul, Luke Bryan

Old-School Country Fan Who Just Heard of Sturgill Simpson Disappointed by Sturgill Simpson

Jimmy Lee Renner, who hasn't intentionally listened to the radio or watched CMT in years, avoids singers born after 1970, and has never sampled a recommended artist on Spotify, was terribly disappointed in Sturgill Simpson's Saturday Night Live appearance.

Vaguely recalling someone calling "some guy with a weird name like that" the savior of country music a few years back, Renner relented after a friend said he might like Simpson's music and that he was appearing on SNL. Renner stayed up past his usual 8 pm bedtime to suffer through "them perverted liberals telling jokes" in order to hear the supposed "country music Jesus." He says his jaw dropped open, spilling several ounces of Miller High Life when Simpson began to perform.

"That ain't how Hank Jr. done it," exclaimed Renner. "This guy had some fruity little jazz band and a crackhead playing an organ and not a fiddle in sight."

Somehow managing to make it another few minutes longer for Simpson's second tune, Renner was even more offended by the rollicking, sweaty performance of "A Call to Arms."

"Is this what they're calling country music these days?" asks Jimmy Lee. "Is he on tour with Luke Bryant or Cole Hunt or whoever? See this is why I never trust anybody but me about what's what. I half expected uh… who's that popular rap singer now? uh, LL Smoothe J to come out and hip hop around on a verse."

When told about Cody Jinks upcoming appearance on Conan, Renner stated "I don't know who Cody Jinks is and I only watch Leno ...once in a while."

Trick or Treat Goodies of the Country Stars

What can your little ghoul or goblin expect to receive in their plastic jack-o-lantern if you drop by the homes of country stars this upcoming Halloween? Well, FTM has the exclusive* scoop!

 

 

*not real

Country Graphic Design Nerd Humor

@TheJackalopeTX sent me this. 

So of course I had to make a bunch of my own typeface/country song mashups. 

Random and nerdy, but what else would you expect from us?

Hashtag Games: #wrestlingcountrysongs

WWF "Country Singer" Jeff Jarrett performs "With My Baby Tonight"

 Hashtag Games: #WrestlingCountrySongs


Thanks to our Twitter friends for helping out with this "hashtag game," combining wrestling-related stuff with country song titles. As you will see, @toomuchcountry had a lot of fun with this.
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Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Luchadors

Take This Foot and Shove It (Up Your Candy Ass)

Feed Jake the Snake - @straitshooter13

Hello Walls of Jericho

All My Rowdy Friends Are Having a Cage Match Tonight

♫ Solie, Solie, Solie, Solieeeee / Please don't pin him just because you can ♫ - @toomuchcountry

Stand By Your McMahon  - @DHWritesCountry

Seven Spanish Announce Tables

Chill of an Early Fall Brawl

Will the Squared Circle Be Unbroken - @toomuchcountry

A Boy Named Shinsuke

Rated "DX"

Goodbye Earl Hebner

There Ought to Be a Lawler (by Billy "Smash Craddock) - @toomuchcountry

The Stone Cold Hard Truth

Sea of Heartbreak Kid - @Bocephus50

Smoky Mountain Reigns

Punjabi Prison Blues

Honky Tonk Man (no change)

Diamond Dallas Rings & Old Barstools - @toomuchcountry

She Thinks His Name Was John Cena

Bigger Than Breezango

Save A Horseman by Big and Tommy Rich - @toomuchcountry

Shawn Michaels Lost His Smile

Starrcades Over Texas

Cross Rhodes Anthem

Might As Well Get Stone Cold Steve Austin - @DHWritesCountry

Mississippi Moonsault

Whiskey Bent and Hell's Gate

Andre From Montgomery - @toomuchcountry

Kurt Angles Among Us

If We Make It Through December to Dismember

Stand By Your Mankind - @peliti27

Are You Sure Hulk Done It This Way?

New Video: Hank Jr. and Eric Church

Monday Morning Memes: Michael Ray, FGL, Bocephus, etc.

 

By Jeremy Harris

Which Hank?

Hank Prognosticates

I'm Sorry, This Exists: Christmas 2014 Edition

Here are some bizarre country (and 1 rock) music-related products, 

memorabilia and whatnot you can buy or gawk at this holiday season.

Really disgusting Luke Bryan panties

Mama failed. ("Mama Tried" thong)

Autographed baseball from renowned stars of the diamond, Rascal Flatts

Autographed Big & Rich panties.

Florida-Georgia Line prayer candles. You're going to hell if you buy these.

A vintage Aaron Tippin muscle shirt which is actually pretty awesome

A hideous personalized Brantley Gilbert shirt

Classy!

Lady A earrings for the girl or progressive fellow with three ears

A Megadeth bib for the headbanging rugrat in your life

This Scotty McCreery fried chicken ad

And... this "A Country Boy Can Survive" inspired taxidermy sculpture

We Are Bro Country

We Are Bro-Country

(Lyric parody of Hank Jr's "Young Country")

We are bro-country, we are bad ass

Illegitimate children of inbred white trash

Our hair might be faux-hawked, jeans glittered and spiked

We know how to get drunk and go lookin' for fights 

We know what's tight, glass pack exhaust

And if you don't like it, I'll punch you, boss

We name drop the old stuff, but we only like new

And we do our own rappin', blue jean booty slappin'

If you're offended, F you

We are bro country, we ain't too bright

Our music and lifestyles, are big piles of shite

We don't have diplomas, or shirts that fit right

but we know how to bang skanks come Saturday night 

We like Eminem, we get faded to EDM

We like Lil Wayne and Jay-Z and T-Pain

Old Hank would be sick, wait who is old Hank?

We like our country mixed with hip-hop and stank

We are bro-country, we have no pride

Except in our bench press and sweet jacked up rides

Kid Rock would be proud and Fred Durst give props

'cause we like our country with drum loops and bass drops

We like to smoke bowls, we like to roll coal

Don't like it? F u!

Sunday Mornin' Music: Hank Jr.

Luke and FGL Just Won't Stop

This Is How We Roll (feat. Luke Bryan) - Florida Georgia Line - Lyrics

Happy Hanksgiving! (Hank Jr.)