Kanye West Memes: Taylor Swift, Sam Hunt, etc.

3 Up 3 Down: February 2016

3 Up

Chris Stapleton - Nobody to Blame

It's a surprise to see this still climbing the charts, but an absolute blast and a shock to hear it come on country radio. It's like a guy showed up in boots to a black tie affair, but Garth it ain't. While it's far from the best song on Chris' highly awarded Traveller, it's a hell of a song, and a glimmer… no, it's a high beam on a moonless night.

A

Maren Morris - My Church

Some will focus on the name-dropping and hand clapping and not give this a fair shake, but it's a cool tune. Bluesy, stomping, and honest. Can't help but love the gospel flair in the chorus, tying the whole theme in perfectly. More like this, country radio! Less like "Dibs."

B+

Tim McGraw - Humble and Kind

Simple and affecting. Some may hear this as sappy and calculated, but I hear sincerity. And Tim doesn't have to put out stuff like this. He could still be chasing trends a'la' his misguided "Truck Yeah" era, but the fact that he's chosen to follow his own path and bring mature music to a sophomoric format is a credit to his standing as one of the few remaining artists with ties to the soul of real country music.

A

Bonus: Big & Rich ft. Tim McGraw - Lovin' Lately

A surprisingly catchy effort from a pair who's flown under the radar in recent years with middling songs nobody remembers 5 minutes after they end. "Lovin' Lately" is anthemic and ear-worm worthy, in a good way. The melody is the thing.

B

3 Down

Old Dominion - Snapback

Old Dominion is single-handedly keeping bro-country from truly breathing its last breath. This song has been the source of umpteen memes on Farce the Music and probably will spawn more. It's a straight up piece of crap. Slangy, cocky, sexually harassing. If Robin Thicke and Pitbull showed up on the remix, I would not be shocked in the least.

F

Cole Swindell - You Should Be Here

I applaud Cole for attempting to bring a bit more depth to country radio, but he should have tried harder. Or less hard, as the case may be. Based on real life or not, "You Should Be Here" sounds contrived and focus-group tested. "Bros Cry Too" would be a more apt title, as it drops all the tropes like drinking and hanging out …into a song about death. Maybe my cold black soul has just become too jaded, but an ASPCA commercial has an infinitely higher chance of dragging a tear out of my eye than this.

D+

Michael Ray - Real Men Love Jesus

Michael has a pretty nice voice, but I'm tired of listing songs and I'm tired of people telling what real men should do. I love Jesus, but a lot of people whose manhood you wouldn't dare question just think Jesus was a pretty cool guy There are ways to say this same thing without painting so broadly. Also, the song has little or nothing to do with the title itself. Jesus is just kinda shoe-horned in there with beer and dirt and barbed wire tattoos or whatever.  I'm all for Jesus songs being on country radio, but proclaim Him… live His Word loudly… just don't use Him as a selling point for a middling pop-country song.

C-

New Video: Tim McGraw - Humble and Kind

Reginald Spears Goes Nationwide on Jimmy Kimmel

Last night after the CMAs, Jimmy Kimmel had a country music themed version of his show. On there, he had a country edition of the "Stars read mean Tweets" segment. Reginald freakin' Spears  (who may or may not be a figment of Trailer's imagination) had tweets read by Luke Bryan, Darius Rucker, and Tim McGraw! This is a great day for the bearded traditionalist vigilante, but he's not moving out of the doublewide just yet. Here's the segment (the first one is a Reggie tweet!).

Country Star Google Searches 2

Ever wonder what your favorite (or least favorite) country stars seek when they

summon the power of the all-knowing Google. Well, wonder no more!*

Chase Rice

 Cole Swindell

Dallas Davidson 

Garth Brooks 

Sam Hunt

Shooter Jennings

Tim McGraw

Toby Keith

*not real

5 New Parody Album Covers: Currington, Isbell, Ballerini, etc.

You Knew This #saladgate Joke Was Coming

3 Up 3 Down: May '15

 
3 Up


Tim McGraw - Diamond Rings and Old Barstools
McGraw continues his hot streak of great country songs that are actually country with "Diamond Rings and Old Barstools." Whether it was the failure of his attempts at bro-relevancy a couple years back or an honest journey back to rootsy authentic (for this day) country that led him to this point, I don't care - the results are what matter, and this is a killer tune. A smoky atmosphere, throwback imagery, twang, great harmonies from Catherine Dunn, and a classic honky-tonk ballad sound blend this into a modern-day gem. Sure, Tim will have to throw some party songs or "I'm southern" anthems back into the mix at some point to keep his slot on radio, but for now, I'm enjoying the hell out of this era.
A-


Mickey Guyton - Better Than You Left Me
A bright new light on the scene, Guyton has been compared to Carrie Underwood's  big-voiced pop-country stylings. It's a fair reference, but Mickey may be more appealing to those like me who prefer traditional leanings, because she's got a bit more grit in her throat. She must also have some strong gumption, leading off with a bittersweet single that never mentions going out at night nor loving dude-bros nor wishing to judge her worth on the whims of a man. It's a strong, uplifting song that though pop-country, doles out just as much of the latter part of that genre name as the former. I'm excited to see where she goes from here.
B+


Little Big Town - Girl Crush
Even if I didn't like this song, I'd probably force myself to like it just for the effect it has/had on people who: 1)don't listen to lyrics 2)don't understand lyrics 3)just want an excuse to type the word "lezbo" on Twitter or Facebook. "Girl Crush" is just the sort of smartly-written, organic-sounding song radio needs in an era of slackjaws singing the virtues of mud on $50k trucks and banging country girls by a bonfire. The vocal performance is stunning, even more so live. It's a bit too safe-sounding for me to give it a higher grade, but it's a solid tune, that caught on by hook and crook and goaded controversy. Not that it doesn't deserve to be a hit - it just sucks that there has to be viral chicanery involved to get an intelligent song noticed these days.
B

3 Down


Michael Ray - Kiss You in the Morning
Man-meat with permanent five o'clock shadow and a good voice sings female-friendly song about night and kissing and love and partying. Lather, rinse, repeat. Ray actually has a better voice than many of his cohorts, and if applied to better… okay, if applied to way better material, he might be someone to keep an eye on. For now, the only eyes (and ears) on him are from lustful ladies (and a few guys) and people who don't care what's on the radio as long as it's not challenging or twangy. This isn't.
D+



Florida-Georgia Line - Sippin' On Fire
The fact that this song is far better than their previous single is misleading. "Sun Daze" was one of the most excremental country singles ever from one of the worst radio artists to ever exist, so 'far better' is no compliment. "Sippin' on Fire" is a down-tuned, hookless mess that exists only to give Brian and Tyler a reason to sip their beloved Fireball on stage during a song. It features auto-tune, lyrics borrowed from their own repertoire, convincing a girl to cheat on her boyfriend, and not a shred of anything you might call "art."
F


Cole Swindell - Let Me See Ya Girl
Cole took a step toward adequacy with his previous single, "Ain't Worth the Whiskey," earning at least 'guilty pleasure' status from many who'd shunned his earlier radio tunes. While I didn't care for it, it was at least a hint that there might be a little more to Swindell than trucks and being dopey. Alas. Bro country is dead; long live bro country. "Let Me See Ya Girl" is so filled with cliche and signifiers from the "sup dawg?" crowd that it could pass as one of FTM's satire lyrics. It will have all the 16-22 year old females who frequently exclaim "I'm sooo drunk"  rocking them cutoffs with their feet on the dash for their boyfriends all summer with the windows down and Hank cranked and blah blah tailgate, shake it, drink, taste of her lips, blah blah. Crap.
D-

Monday Morning Memes: Sam Hunt, Star Wars, etc.

by Jeremy Harris

Tim McGraw: A Supbar Political Cartoon

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2015/04/16/tim-mcgraw-gets-backlash-from-gun-rights-advocates-for-headlining-sandy-hook-promise-concert/

Easy Money in Nashville

RIP James Best

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews New Tim McGraw

Welcome Carl Outlaw, real country fan, to FTM as a new reviewer to replace the soon-to-be grad Brittany Fant. Carl fancies himself a country purist and I fancy him, uh, pretty much a jackass. NSFW.


Tim McGraw - Diamond Rings and Old Barstools

 Really? Really? Tim McGraw is my first review for Farce the Music? Haha. This dude is so fake, he makes the Kardashians look like the Hatfields. How'd he get Faith Hill? I mean, she sucks at singing country, but I'd like to feel her "breathe" if you know what I mean.

This yuppie wouldn't know country music if it bit him in his anorexic ass. This is the same guy who sang "Truck Yeah" in case you forgot. He got down on his bony knees and said "whatever you want Mr. Borshitta!" Waylon never sang about trucks and that's all I need to know. Hank Sr. is rolling in his grave like a rotisserie chicken every time Tampon McGraw opens his stupid mouth.

Tim uses autotune all the time and he hasn't written any of his songs so you know he's a punk ass. Anybody who doesn't write they're own songs by themselves in a dark room while drinking bourbon and crying isn't really country. Pop country is neither pop nor country, it's just bullshit.

 I actually didn't even listen to this song because Tim McGraw is a douchebag and I know anything that comes out of his mouth is crap. Actually, I don't even know who he is and I've never heard any of his "songs" if that's what you could call them. I would pay like $500 to punch him in his Hollywood plastic surgery, plastic hat wearing face.

Go lick some balls, Timmy.



------
Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece by a fictional lout who thinks he is the arbiter of which music is actually country. Much like myself, minus the lout part.

Tim McGraw Performs "Diamond Rings and Old Barstools"

Really? Really?

From an actual ad in the current Billboard Country Update.

They Put Pop in My Country

*The first panel is a recent Tim McGraw quote from a Rolling Stone interview. The rest is made up, obviously.

The pics are from a Scared Goose Productions interview on YouTube from last year. 

I actually like Tim's newest album (except "Lookin' For That Girl"), but he's gotta be kidding me with that quote!

Inspirational Quotes with Tim, Chase and Brantley

Monday Morning Memes: Garth, Kid Rock, GG Allin, etc.

3 Up 3 Down: Tim McGraw, Sam Hunt, Kacey Musgraves, etc.

3 UP

Tyler Farr - A Guy Walks Into a Bar

While this new single from Farr might be a "song of the year" (ACMs or CMAs) contender with a stronger vocalist, it's still a surprisingly great tune. It shows the depth and wit that country songwriting used to be known for before it became a bro free-for-all.  After yet another break-up, Farr realizes that his life is just a cycle of barroom loves gone wrong and frames it with the old "guy walks into a bar" joke format. It balances the hopelessness of the seemingly endless loop with the lightness of self deprecation. A winning single from a previously much-maligned artist here at FTM.

A-

Tim McGraw ft. Faith Hill - Meanwhile Back at Mama's

Remember when Tim McGraw wasn't ashamed of his twang and was one of the best song pickers in the business? Neither do I, but this song certainly harkens back to Tim's better days. It's probably the most traditional sounding song on the charts right now, which wouldn't be so shocking if not for McGraw's recent run of autotune and bro-country bravado. This song is almost certainly bound for some awards show hardware. It's a strong addition to a solid career (if we cut out like 75% of his output for the last 10 years).

A

Kacey Musgraves - Keep It to Yourself

Duh.

B+

3 DOWN

Sam Hunt - Leave the Night On

I suppose this isn't such a bad pop song, but the fact that it's told to us without so much as an elbow in the ribs or a knowing glance that this is country music really gets my goat. It's hip, in-crowd Jason Mraz lite with bro-country tropes thrown in. And this guy… dressed like a club kid and not even embarrassed about it, shoving 23 syllables into lines that should fit about 10, flat-brim caps, smug, tall, handsome… okay, my jealous hatin' is showing through, but I just can't stand anything about this.  If bro-country is replaced by cool-bro-pop-country, we might be even worse off.

D

Swon Brothers - Later On

Technically, "Small Town Throwdown" or "Yeah" or the like are much worse than this song, but like Hunt's song, I fear this is where radio is headed. "Oh you're tired of truck party songs? Here are some less offensive truck party songs!" is what they're thinking. Bored is worse than angry when it comes to music and I'd rather dudes like Chase Rice fly their aggro-bro flags in my face than the Swons fly under the radar with their milquetoast brand of fun-time pop country. This is a big ol' pile of meh.

D

Rascal Flatts - Payback

Really? Gary Levox singing from the perspective of a player who's hoping to pick up a recently single female? This song has all the realism of a Michael Bay movie… with less character development. Tight jeans, throwin' down, get your feel good on? That's just the first verse. It doesn't' get any better. I don't know if this is any worse than "Bob That Head," their previous low water mark, but it certainly isn't any better.

F

Country Day Parody Covers July '14 Pt. 4: Micky & the Motorcars, Coe, Tim McGraw

Tim McGraw's Sundown Heaven Town Track List Revealed

Sundown Heaven Town Track List:

1. Some of My Best Friends Are

2. (Be Gone Before the) City Lights

3. Hooded Rider

4. Spooked

5. Watermelon and Fried Chicken

6. Call a Spade a Spade

7. You People

8. Meanwhile Back At Big Mama’s (featuring Faith Hill)

9. Across the Tracks

10. Forty Ounce Throwdown

11. Back of the Bus

12. Lookin’ For That Welfare Queen

13. Well Spoken Man

WTF are you talking about, Trailer?