Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Dec 6, 2018

"The Christmas Shoes" Sends Local Man Over the Edge

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, Thursday, December 15, 2011 
Local country music fan Reginald Spears was arrested Tuesday for trespassing and destruction of property at WTSM Catfish 104.9 FM. Oddly enough, it was popular holiday song "The Christmas Shoes" that set him off. 

Spears had apparently called the station several times in recent weeks profanely complaining about the seasonal hit being played so frequently. "I appreciate feedback from our listeners," said station manager Bart McGee, "but a lot of people like to hear that song this time of year. It's a sweet, and in no way contrived or overwrought, story." 

Currently still in the Hazzard County Jail, Spears is facing potential stiff fines and further charges pending an FCC investigation of the incident that knocked WTSM off the air for approximately 28 hours Monday and Tuesday. 

Around noon on Monday, Spears allegedly climbed the fence behind the radio station and used industrial-grade bolt cutters to cut all wires and cables connecting the transmitter tower to the station. Miraculously unhurt despite the barbed wire and high voltage, Spears was only caught after posting a photo of himself urinating on the tower on Facebook. 

"I told that little weasely sumbitch DJ that if he played that 'Christmas Shoes' crap again, he was going to regret it," said the local man by phone interview yesterday. 

Describing the circumstances that caused him to snap, Spears continued: "My internet had been down since I hit the phone line digging a pool in the front yard two weeks ago, so I was forcing myself to listen to regular radio. I usually just turned it down when they played Rascal Fatts or Fartly Gilbert, but it seemed like every other song was that damn weepy-ass feel-good piece of crap. Man, I love Jesus and everything, but f*** me runnin', I want to commit Harry Caray [editorial note: we're sure this is how he would have spelled it] when I hear about mama meeting Him tonight." 

Over at WTSM, McGee tells us the Clear Channel affiliated radio station may sue Spears to recoup repair charges and loss of advertising revenue: "I can't understand how a lovely religious holiday song could make a man cause such damage - some folks just aren't wired right, I guess." 

NewSong had no comment at press time. 

Nov 26, 2018

Break Out The Christmas Tree, JD McPherson's Socks is The Best Christmas Record in Forever

by Robert Dean

Nine times out of ten, I hate Christmas music. Outside of “Blue Christmas” and “The Fairytale of New York,” by the Pogues, which makes me homesick for the dive bars in Chicago filled with Irish folks chatting over shots of Jameson and cold bottles of Miller, I am most definitely not a fan of the genre. 

I want to stab my ears out when I hear “All I want for Christmas is You” and every year, they pull Mariah Carey out of her crypt and she gets up there and smiles knowing how much cash she’s about to make for the month. 

On JD Mcpherson’s new Christmas record, Socks, I don’t feel that mind-numbing hatred, but in fact, I absolutely love it. 

Instead of hokey tunes that feel like you’re trapped in mall-flavored hell, Socks is a refreshing take on a stale genre. I get it, tons of bands, artists, and labels love to cash in at Christmas because fans eat the genre up, but Socks doesn’t come off that way. Instead, it feels like one of McPherson’s records, just done up in red and green lights and tinsel. 

What’s cool about Socks is that it’s very much in the spirit of McPherson’s first record, Signs and Signifiers, where the songs feel like they’re straight out of the Little Richard songbook. Nothing on Socks feels like it was written as a throwaway, but instead, he could play them in the middle of June with the same sense of excitement. These are straight up old school-minded rockabilly tunes that well-written and boy do they swing. The vibe is playful and there’s a swing of the hammer that just doesn’t quit. 

“All The Gifts I Need,”, “Hey Skinny Santa,”, “Socks,” and “Santa’s Got a Mean Machine,”, all of these songs are total sock hop dancers that you can’t do anything but bounce around to. Socks is the perfect Christmas party record, its loud, fun, and never gets lame. 

Basically, let me put it this way: if you can’t put Socks on the turntable or wireless speaker while cooking dinner and not want to do the twist in your socks, you’re a monster.  Get out and buy a copy before everyone else finds out about the record, you jolly Santa-themed maverick, you.


Socks is available on the New West Records store, Amazon, iTunes, Spotify, etc. 

Dec 20, 2017

Diehard: Country Reaction Gifs

*One expletive at the bottom.*

When somebody's telling you their love of
country music like Rascal Flatts and Old Dominion

When you park too close to a Brantley Gilbert concert 

♪Please help me, I'm falling


Cleaning up after a Koe Wetzel concert

Don't you think this outlaw bit has done got out of hand?

When somebody brings a Sam Hunt CD
to the party

Jumping into the comments on Luke Bryan's 
Facebook page for some trolling like...

Dec 19, 2017

If _____ Wrote a Christmas Song 2017

If Walker Hayes wrote a Christmas song

Need some joy in your stockin'? Well baby I gotcha
It's lit and it's bae and I ain't throwing shade
I Snapped you a clue, Word, hit me up too
We gone be totes chillin' this Christmas day

If Future wrote a Christmas song

You know it's enchanting baby, let it snow
Let it snow, let it snow
We here just waiting on santa, girl, so let it snow
Let it snow, let it snow

If Loretta Lynn wrote a Christmas song

Santa came home smelling like peppermint perfume
Lately he's been losing weight, doing Crossfit too
Heard he's got himself a little elf skank round the way
Well, Mrs. Santa's bout to bust that hussy in the face

If Mark Kozelek wrote a Christmas song

I watched a film about Venezuelan crop dusters
Under a chartreuse blanket on my veranda
Pondering what Belinda said last Christmas day

If Colt Ford wrote a Christmas song

Got that icy mud all up on my GMC
Alpines blasting Run DMC
Christmas in Hollis and Christmas in Macon
Woman at the crib got country ham bakin'

If Lemmy wrote a Christmas song

He's got a whip of leather
Skeleton reindeer crew
Snow or sunny weather
He's coming after you

Satan Clause, Satan Clause, 
Watch his black sleigh take flight
Satan Clause, Satan Clause,
Naughty or nice, you'll die tonight

Dec 15, 2017

The Best Christmas Movie You've Never Seen: Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas

By Robert Dean

As the debate rages on over if Die Hard or Gremlins or Edward Scissorhands are Christmas movies, there’s one definite holiday film that’s gone under the radar far too long. A cinematic gem that is appropriately old school in its themes of love, morality, and having a damned good time, Emmet Otter’s Jug band Christmas is the best Christmas movie you’ve never seen.

Almost like a country-fried Wind in The Willows, Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas is an early Jim Henson production. Released in 1978 and loosely based on O. Henry’s The Gift of The Magi, Emmet and his mother live on the river performing a litany of odd jobs. Emmet mends fences or fixes stairs while Ma washes clothes for the town rich folks. She even barters to make pies and sell them. The defining element of Emmet and Ma’s relationship is their love of music. Music is everything to them.

Christmas is fast approaching, but because Emmet and Ma both scrape by, they don’t have any money for gifts. Emmet gets wind from his friends that the town hall is putting on a talent show. His friends broach the idea of starting a jug band. They ask Emmet to join, but he declines because he can’t live with the idea of putting a hole in his mother’s washtub.

Back at home, Ma too hears about the talent show and dreams of buying Emmet a guitar with the prize money. However, she needs a new outfit to sing in; the trouble is, she doesn’t have anything left to hock – except Emmet’s tools, which he inherited from his dead father.

A rambling pack of miscreants attacks a local music store. They smoke cigarettes and love rock and roll. They’re a pack of bad dudes. There’s even a fish.

The allure of the prize money is too much for Emmet and his mother. They each go behind one another’s backs in an effort to win the talent show. Emmet joins the jug band, and Ma gets her fabric, washtub and tool kit be damned. The Jug band is pretty good, and Ma is focused. They all arrive at the talent show, ready to do their best, only both acts lose because the rock and roll wild boys are now a band called The Nightmare and whip out some killer late 70’s hard rock. Does losing the talent show ruin Emmet’s Christmas? You’ll need to watch to find out.

Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas works because it’s almost like the anti-Christmas movie: the neighbors are all out on the grind, Emmet and Ma have the death of Pa hanging over everything, as they continually bring it up, and the songs are weird but awesome. They even sing about BBQ. The Otter family does get screwed over by some local towns ladies, which doesn’t ruin their days, but indeed sucks.

 What’s cool about this movie is that Emmet Otter pre-dates a lot of the tropes found in the later Muppets. The story has darker threads and doesn’t rely on sight gags or inside jokes from the Muppet world; The tale keeps Emmet Otter going, not a cameo from Gonzo.

Unlike The Christmas Toy, which is an easily beloved Christmas classic, Emmet Otter and his furry friends live by their wits and sometimes, by their whiskers.

If you’re looking for a new Christmas flick that’s worth watching, give ol’ Emmet a spin. It’s got everything you could ever need in a Christmas movie: fuzzy little otters secretly making terrible life choices, a bullfrog mayor and a hole in the washtub.  This cult classic has heart. The songs are catchy as hell and let’s be honest; The Nightmare deserved to win the talent show, fair and square. 


Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas is available on Amazon and iTunes

Dec 14, 2017

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition
Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition
Little Known Facts: Christmas 2017 Edition

If Cole Swindell ran outside naked in a snowstorm, he'd be invisible

Luke Bryan never hangs his stockings by the fireplace because 
he’d feel silly wearing his garter belt without them

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Brantley Gilbert realized he couldn’t count that high

Neal McCoy's "Take a Knee, My Ass (I Won't Take a Knee)" was originally about 
Game of Thrones' Jon Snow and was titled "Bend the Knee, My Arse (I Shan't Bend the Knee)"

If Sturgill Simpson doesn’t do a Farce The Music 
interview we will start a rumor he punched Santa

There is a 100% chance Kenny Chesney will be a fan 
of this year's college football playoff champion

The previous fact will be recycled annually for eternity 

Justin Moore has lost 75% of his fame since Trailer stopped photoshopping him 
on shelves around Christmas  (Editor's note: or Scotty McCreery, whichever)

Sturgill Simpson recently punched Santa at a mall. More details to come. 

All pictures of Shooter Jennings on a shelf are not Photoshopped 

Gary Levox’s New Year’s resolution is to be less awkward in photos

The 2017 Time Magazine Person of the Year is every woman 
that has ever recorded ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside’

David Lee Murphy has a song on the country chart. No really, I’m serious about that one.

Asking for more women on country radio and getting Bebe Rexha is like 
asking for a Washington outsider to be president and getting... never mind 

Every time "Humble and Kind" plays on the radio, Spade Cooley rolls in his grave


All but 3 of these by Jeremy Harris

Dec 12, 2017

I'm Sorry, This Exists: Christmas 2017 Edition

Pondering what to buy your worst enemy, your mother-in-law, your boss this holiday season? Well, maybe this helpful list will include just the thing. These are all real products (and one painting).

Who wouldn't want this cheap looking,
unauthorized Keith Urban product on their Douglas fir?

Walker Hayes "Good Shit" shades
That's very mature, dad.

So you'll know who to avoid at the office Christmas party.

Redneck Crazy truck hitch cover
for when you're parked on your ex's lawn
about to be arrested and served with a restraining order

Thomas Rhett sticker.
Gross, and I bet his wife wouldn't like that.

This plays on the stereotype of Asian massage parlors offering up
uh... happy endings. Way to be woke, OD.

which is advertised using Blake Shelton's image but
actually is just a Sexiest Man Alive t-shirt.

I bet the profit margin on these is ridiculous.

"It's 5 O'clock Somewhere" Novelty Panties

This painting of Garth Brooks looking at a boob.

This actually exists in the year of our Lord 2017. 

Dec 5, 2017

Guest Submission: "O Holy Night (Shake it For Me)"

O Holy Night (Shake it For Me)
(A Bro-Country Christmas Parody)
Submitted by Sean Kelly

O holy night
The truck lights brightly shining
It's the night to rock it in the bed
Long lay the young bucks
on the truck box pining
Till she appeared 
and shook everything she had

A thrill of hope
Sounds of boots are stomping
For the DJ spins a rockin' country song
Fall in the mud
O hear the cricket's chirping
O hey girl
O hey girl,
Shake that for me
O hey girl, O hey girl

Shake that for me

Home Alone 2: The Country Soundtrack


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