Confusing Quotes: Scott Borchetta on Florida-Georgia Line

How to Know Summer is Here

 How to Know Summer is Here

Kid Rock is being played on every format. (Except rock and rap)

Green Peace begins lecturing all new recruits on not rolling Gary Levox back into

the water if he's encountered on the beach.

Female country singers become more popular to bros. Because cutoffs.

Every package of Gold Bond medicated powder includes a download

of the latest Luke Bryan Spring Break album.

Wynonna's orange glow becomes more of a grapefruit color.

The amount of nighttime that Scott Borchetta has for feeding is reduced significantly.

Trailer starts bitching about his yard needing mowed instead

of Mississippi State having a horrible season.

...country music remix season.

Country Rap King Mikel Knight decreases the days between showers for his street teams to 7.

Some country music bigwig says something stupid. Wait, that's every season...

Colt Ford makes extra money blocking the sun from Jason Aldean's forehead.

Leann Rimes blends in with everyone else.

New tailgate songs.

You go to a big drunk redneck fight and a country music festival breaks out.

 Calm down Trailer. We get it, mowing sucks.

------

Almost all of these by Jeremy Harris

Star Wars/Country Music Doppelgangers

I'm as annoyed as you by the whole "May the 4th Be With You" blather that goes on this day in recent years. I'm a Star Wars fan, but give it a rest, will ya? No, I guess we won't. Here are some Star Wars/country music doppelgangers (or at least equivalents).

Scott Borchetta (L); Emperor Palpatine (R)

Kenny Chesney (L); Admiral Ackbar (R)

Charles Kelley of Lady Antebellum (L); Obi Wan Kenobi (R)

Hunter Hayes (L); Anakin Skywalker (R)

Cole Swindell (L); Jar Jar Binks (R). I think...?

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Willie, Tyler Farr, Borchetta

Monday Morning Memes: Ashley Monroe, ACMs, Miranda, etc.

 

 

Megadeth Tracking New Album in Nashville

It's probably not this, but we can dream...

Country Horror Movie Poster II: Nashville Centipede

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Randy Orton, Bucky, etc.

http://mashable.com/2014/10/15/randy-orton-rko-vines/

\m/ Out Today!!! \m/

Monday Morning Memes: Tim McGraw Slap, Borchetta, etc.

 

Monday Morning Memes: Rascal Flatts, Justin Moore, etc.

 

Maddie and Tae - Girl in a Country Song (you must hear or read this!)

Maddie and Tae are a new act who are coming onto the scene with quite the announcement of their arrival. The following song (I transcribed the lyrics also) not only takes down bro-country's treatment of women, it also directly calls out some of the offenders - not by name but by catch phrases and hooks from their tunes. We can discuss (or Triggerman can - he's better at that stuff) the paradox/irony/ramifications of a song like this being released by one of Borchetta's labels later, but for now just enjoy. The link is a stream of a wma file (which won't work on a Mac unless you have a VLC Player or something similar). Sorry, that's all that's available at the moment.

Link to hear the song here.

Now Available on iTunes!

Girl in a Country Song

(Written by Maddie (Marlow), Tae(lynn Elizabeth Dye), and Aaron Scherz; 
Performed by Maddie & Tae)

Well I wish I had some shoes on my two bare feet

And it's gettin' kinda cold in these painted-on cut-off jeans

I hate the way this bikini top chafes

Do I really have to wear it all day?

(Yeah baby)

I hear you over there on your tailgate whistlin'

Sayin' "Hey girl," but you know I ain't listenin'

Cause I got a name and to you it ain't

pretty little thing, honey or baby

It's driving me red red red red red red redneck crazy

Being the girl in a country song

How in the world did it go so wrong?

Like all we're good for is looking good for

you and your friends on the weekend, nothin' more

We used to get a little respect

Now we're lucky if we even get

To climb up in the truck, keep our mouth shut, ride along

And be the girl in a country song

Well, shakin' my moneymaker ain't ever made me a dime

And there ain't no sugar for you in this shaker of mine

Tell me one more time you gotta get you some of that

Sure I'll slide on over, but you're gonna get slapped

These days it ain't easy being that…

Girl in a country song

How in the world did it go so wrong?

Like all we're good for is looking good for

you and your friends on the weekend, nothin' more

We used to get a little respect

Now we're lucky if we even get

To climb up in the truck, keep our mouth shut, ride along

And be the girl in a country song

Yep, yep, yep

Aw naw,

Conway and George Strait

Never did it this way

Back in the old days

Aw naw,

We ain't a cliche

That ain't no way

To treat a lady

Like a girl in a country song

How in the world did it go so wrong?

Like all we're good for is looking good for

you and your friends on the weekend, nothin' more

We used to get a little respect

Now we're lucky if we even get

To climb up in the truck, keep our mouth shut, ride along

Down some dirt road we don't even wanna be on

And be the girl in a country song

(Spoken)

Yeah baby

I ain't your tan legged Juliet

Can I put on some real clothes now?

Aw naw

Nashville: A Drinking Town With a Country Problem

*And this is not an exhaustive list...

Rascal Flatts Covers Motley Crue

I found out yesterday that Rascal Flatts will be covering Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart" on Big Machine's tribute album (which also features Brantley Gilbert, Big & Rich, and the utter desecration of my adolescence). Well, the Flatts boys decided to put a personal spin on the song!* Here are the exclusive lyrics.

"Kickstart My Heart"

When I get high

I get high on eats

Ice cream Snicker bar's

A drug for me

My heart, my heart

Kickstart my heart

Always got the docs

Running tests on me

Blood pressure cuff sayin' 203

My heart, my heart

Kickstart my heart

Ooh, love spaghetti curls!

Ooh, I'm ready to chow!

Ooh, yeah

Kickstart my heart

I love custard tarts

Ooh, yeah, gravy

Ooh, yeah

Kickstart my heart

at the Burger Mart

Ooh, yeah, gravy!

Meat pies makin'

my pants stretch and strain

Or some bacon on a

Corndog goin' to my waist

My heart, my heart

Kickstart my heart

Say I want double

Double nacho fries

I'm just drooling for another pork rind

My heart, my heart

Kickstart my heart

Ooh, those nutella swirls!

Ooh, I'm ready to chow!

Ooh, yeah

Kickstart my heart

Lobster a la carte

Ooh, yeah, gravy

Ooh, yeah

Kickstart my heart

by the hotdog cart

Ooh, yeah, gravy!

When we started this band

I still fit in size 36 pants

Years gone by...

I'd say I've gained some ass

When I'm famished

Give me fried fish

Panko and ketchup cover

up my dish

Well I'd say I'm getting some bad gas

Mmmm, hmmmm, kickstart my heart

Donuts are nonstop

And to think, now I've got this…

Blood clot

Kickstart my heart

*no they didn't, I just made this crap up (but they are actually covering that song)

Monday Morning Memes: Luke, Aldean, Borchetta, etc.

From Chris Smith

From Dewayne Robbins

From Dewayne Robbins

Monday Meme Guest Submissions: Rich O'Toole, Strait, FGL

By Bubba Ervin

By Grant Evans

Idea by Joseph Culverhouse

Submitted by Rich O'Toole himself

ACMs 2014: Snarky Twitter Wrap-up

2014 ACMs in a nutshell: Justin Moore won an award he wasn't eligible for, Merle Haggard was honored, Florida-Georgia Line bro-ed it up and won Best Duo, King George won Entertainer of the Year, few females performed. Also, there were lots of great comments on Twitter: