Country Stars Try on the Latest Fashion: Rompers for Men

FYI: Moonrunners is Back for Year 5

by Robert Dean

Back for its 5th year, Moonrunners Festival is finally here. And this time, it’s loaded for bear. Kicking off today on Chicago’s South Side, at its perennial home, Reggie’s, Moonrunners is ready to be the best country festival many don’t know about.

Moonrunners has always been about staying scrappy, rolling with the underdogs, and being the festival for the acts who deserve the spotlight but may not be the household names that get tossed around, thanks to Nashville’s money machine. But, that’s why the whole twisted experiment works and continues to be Chicago’s best springtime party, year after year. A drunken bonanza of personalities, radical music and crushed cans of PBR, Moonrunners offers a weekend getaway, a retreat that feels like a summer camp. Bands party with one another while friends from around the country pass out hugs and get reacquainted – away from Facebook.

It’s a great pleasure to have been involved with Moonrunners, the website when it existed. Because of that time, I’ve created some many friendships that have lasted over the years. It’s also a fond memory of mine to have participated in the first two festivals. It’s such a drunken blur, I hardly remember a lot of it, but I know I had an excellent time. It breaks my heart that I can’t be in Chicago to celebrate the music, see some old friends, and get loose. One day, I’ll get back, and it’s going to be wonderful.

If you’re anywhere near Chicago, I’d grab a bag and hit the road. Let’s be honest: festivals usually suck ass. Not Moonrunners, though. Because it’s held in an indoor venue, the stage times are manageable, and the vibe isn’t a bunch of assholes clogging the joint up. Instead, it’s a community feeling with a lot of cool folks.

There’s a little something for everyone. Give everyone a hug for me. There will be a lot of good people in Reggie’s this weekend. You can count on that.

PS. Here are some quick Chicago pro-tips:

Chicago pizza isn’t that deep dish shit. That’s for tourists. Get a pizza delivered from Phil’s on 35th
Go grab dinner in Chinatown. You’re only blocks away
Eat an Italian beef @ Al’s in Little Italy
Never put ketchup on your hotdog, ever
The White Sox are the superior baseball team, despite whatever Trailer tries to tell you

Lineup and Schedule

Friday May 5th

2:45- James Hunnicutt- Rock Club
3:25- Jimmy Swope- Music Joint
3:55- Gary Moore II- Rock Club
4:35- Viva Le Vox- Rock Club
5:05- Pearls Mahone- Music Joint
5:35- Stump Tail Dolly- Rock Club
6:05- Mystery Actions- Music Joint
6:35- Jesse Dayton- Rock Club
7:15- Jeff Shepherd- Music Joint
7:45- Hooten Hallers- Rock Club
8:30- That Ol’ Coondog- Music Joint
9:00- Scott H. Biram- Rock Club
10:25- Brittany Avery- Music Joint
11:00- Legendary Shack Shakers- Rock Club
12:00- Urban Pioneers- Music Joint

Saturday, May 6th

11:15- Bad Saddles- Music Joint
11:45- The Decayed (members of Last False Hope)- Rock Club
12:05- Soda Gardocki- Music Joint
12:40- Husky Burnette- Music Joint
1:05- Brett Conlin- Rock Club
1:40- Devil’s Cut- Rock Club
1:55- AJ Gaither- Music Joint
2:25- Matt Woods- Rock Club
3:00- Duane Mark- Music Joint
3:35- Still Alive- Music Joint
4:10- Adam Lee- Rock Club
4:45- SS Web- Rock Club
5:15- Evil Empire- Music Joint
5:45- Rachel Brooke- Rock Club
6:35- Last False Hope- Rock Club
7:05- Ted Russell Kamp- Music Joint
7:40- Shawn James- Music Joint
8:10- Call me Bronco- Rock Club
8:45- Won’t Stay Dead- Music Joint
9:20- Left Lane Cruiser- Rock Club
10:00- James Hunnicutt- Music Joint
10:35- Escape from the Zoo (members of Days N’ Daze)- Music Joint
11:05- Joseph Huber- Rock Club
12:00- Shooter Jennings- Rock Club

What is Art?

Country Walk-Up Songs 2017

College baseball has started and MLB is on the way. Go Cubs!
As we did in 2013, FTM ponders what songs country singers 

should use as their perfect "walk up" music if they were baseball players.

10. Wynonna


9. Chris Stapleton


8. Tyler Hubbard


7. Kelsea Ballerini


6. Blake Shelton


5. Dierks Bentley


4. Chad Brock


3. Old Dominion (yes the whole group ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)


2. Shooter Jennings


1. Luke Bryan

Honest Country Tweets: Shania Twain, Taste of Country, Shooter Jennings, etc.

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Little Known Facts: Outlaw Country Cruise Edition

Little Known Facts: Outlaw Country Cruise Edition
AKA 'Rubbing It In Trailer's Face That He's Not Going'

By Jeremy Harris

While at sea, Donald Trump will sign an executive order preventing 

Steve Earle from reentering America. Steve won't mind.

Shooter Jennings will be late for at least one show because 

Jessi Colter will forget to sign him out of daycare.

The Band Perry are a late addition to the cruise. 

Luckily for them they all got the same shift in the kitchen.

There is a waiting list of seagulls that want to play 

in Chicken Shit Bingo with Dale Watson.

Crew members will have to move the Mojo Nixon swear jar 

to the center of the ship to prevent capsizing.

Nobody will wonder where Luke Bryan is. They also won't give a shit.

Brian Kendrick will not be on RAW on February 27th.

The cruise will last several additional days after 

Elizabeth Cook overtakes the captain.

When asked if he's bringing any produce aboard, 

Eddie Spaghetti will hope they mean vegetables.

Brantley Gilbert tried to get on the cruise but you have to 

have a bank account to purchase tickets.

Pirates around the world have warned each other not to mess with this cruise. 

Reason: Billy Joe Shaver

Brantley Gilbert Has a One Track Mind

Shocking Exposé: Shooter Jennings is Actually WWE's Brian Kendrick

Did you know that singer-songwriter, country royalty, man of mystery, conspiracy theorist, podcaster, producer, and jack-of-all-trades Shooter Jennings is also a World Wrestling Entertainment performer? Well, he is and you won't convince me otherwise.

Shooter, despite a busy touring schedule, album producing, radio show hosting, contrails photography, bitcoin trading (or whatever they do with those things), online gaming, and various other nerdy hobbies, also maintains a completely separate career as WWE wrestling cruiserweight Brian Kendrick. This is a fact and not up for debate.

I'm going to lay the evidence out for you to back up my claim, but the science is settled.

The most obvious proof can be seen with your eyes. There might be a little Hollywood makeup magic involved here, but this is the same dude.

WWE Superstar, Brian Kendrick

Country singer, Shooter Jennings

Even without beards, this is clearly the same person.

Kendrick, right.

Shooter Jennings, left.

The next evidence is even more damning. (Damning? We're not casting judgment here, we're just fact-finding.) Anyway, I've met Shooter Jennings. I'm 5'8" and he's a little shorter than me. Brian Kendrick is listed at 5'8". Wrestlers famously add an inch or two to their broadcasted height. So, Shooter and Brian are the same height. They also have similar builds, though during his appearances as Brian Kendrick, it appears that Jennings adds a bit of muscle mass. Hmmm. It's all coming together.

I looked up their ages on the Google machine. Shooter Jennings is 37 years old. Brian Kendrick? You guessed it! 37 years old. Wow, I might get a Pulitzer for this.

Shooter Jennings is a huge wrestling "fan." (Fan, lol… he's a card carrying employee of Vince McMahon's wrestling empire!) Shooter has been to Wrestlemania. He's buddies with Curtis Axel, Kane, and Goldust, and probably some of the other dudes. This is a very convenient front to explain why he spends so much time with the WWE crew, but we know the truth!

Headline from prowrestling.com

Brian Kendrick carries a pirate flag with him to the ring.

This flag is very similar to the one Sturgill Simpson used in promotion for his current album, A Sailor's Guide to Earth.

Shooter Jennings is friends with Sturgill Simpson. So as you can clearly see, Brian "Shooter" Kendrick consistently shouts out his compadre Sturgill as he makes his entrances for wrestling matches. I don't see how anyone could dispute the obvious at this point, but we'll continue.

Wrestlers have feuds. These are long-running public arguments over differences in opinion, girlfriends, misunderstandings, and other subjects. Brian Kendrick has had feuds with John Cena, TJ Perkins, Rich Swann, El Generico, and many more. Shooter Jennings has also had several well known feuds. Pop-country artists, Hank 3, John Mayer, Triggerman... the list goes on. And despite Shooter's love of professional wrestling, I've never seen a photo of him with John Cena. What more do you need?

Now, I didn't bother comparing the schedules of Jennings and Kendrick to see if they had conflicts, or asking either of them if they were the other, because circumstantial evidence is enough for me, as it should be for you. 1+1 is 2. There can be no further doubt.


Oh, you have further doubts? Well, they've never been seen together. BAM!

Shooter Jennings is Brian Kendrick and Brian Kendrick is Shooter Jennings. Case closed.

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Exposé by Trailer

Brent Cobb: The Farce the Music Interview

Brent Cobb: The Farce the Music Interview

By Kevin Broughton

Brent Cobb is an old soul. He’s wise and even-keeled like you’d expect a man twice his 30 years to be. Heck, he sounds old on the phone; his conversational tone matches up with a grizzled roughneck, not the soothing troubadour on Shine On Rainy Day. Critical acclaim poured forth upon the album’s October release, and it finished at a heady No. 4 in the FTM critic’s poll – ahem – no small feat. Our intrepid publisher described perfectly it as “a slow drive down a gravel road on the outskirts of your hometown, with nary a bro in sight.” 

And therein lies the irony. Or paradox. Whatever, the bro issue is inescapable in a discussion of Cobb’s musical journey, and it’s evident that the dichotomy puzzles the man himself. Because this guy – who hasn’t needed a day job outside of music for 10 years – has written plenty of songs that bros and their producers have fattened their wallets on. And while Cobb would never say it, the bros and their auto-tuning technicians commit aggravated musical assault on his art, dumbing it down in the pursuit of (a) filthy lucre; and (b) the approval of millions of 80-IQ drones.

Oh, his frustration occasionally bubbles up, but in an understated way in keeping with his gentle temperament. Except that one time two years ago when he went into the studio to vent; that’s when “Yo, Bro” caught the ear of notable outlets like Rolling Stone. (Though, by the way, Cobb sent it to FTM first.) The magazine was one of many platforms to make the obvious comparison of his parody song to the work of one of the reigning bros, who happened to be a friend of Cobb’s.  It picked up steam to the point the artist felt compelled to preemptively reach out to the pop star in question. “He asked me,” Cobb said, “whether I was making fun of bros, or if it was something I wanted him to record.”

Yeah.

It’s a stretch to say Cobb has a foot in both camps. It’s indisputable, though, that there’s some overlap because of his personal and professional relationships. It gives him a unique perspective into the critical/commercial contrast, and you won’t find anyone with Cobb’s artistic integrity who has such a realistic window into the tragic dumbing down of country music.

When Jody Rosen coined the term “bro country” three and a half years ago, it cut deep with the thin-skinned millionaires whose songs are confined to beer, trucks and heavy petting with loose women. Jason Aldean – who stares at the orange juice can because it says concentrate – remarked, “It bothers me because I don’t think it’s a compliment.”

“You have no idea,” Cobb says, “how personally they take it. You wouldn’t think it would bother them too bad, since all they have to do is go to the mailbox and pick up a check. I don’t know why it bothers them so much, but it does.”

Brent Cobb may never sleep in piles of money; he’ll also never have to worry about the respect of his peers.

On a Sunday in December, Cobb took a break from singing the Frozen soundtrack with his little girl to talk about songwriting. And the music business. And having a cousin who churns out Grammys for the guys program directors ignore. The “bro” thing may have come up, too.

I’d like to start with a question about tradecraft. For a while you made a living writing songs for other people. Is there a different mindset for writing a song for somebody else? I would imagine you attack it differently, for instance, when the goal is to get a song on mainstream radio.

Well, I got lucky, really. I’m with a great publishing company, Carnival Music, that’s always supported people and let them be their own artists and writers. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.  There are a lot of places in town, where you go in and it’s a nine-to-five, and you have to try to write hits and that sort of thing. I’ve never had any of that kind of pressure. And for some reason I’ve gotten lucky enough; the songs I’ve written I’ve always done for myself. And I’ve been fortunate that there have been folks to record them.

About six months before the release of Shine on Rainy Day, there was the compilation from your cousin Dave Cobb, Southern Family. Your song on it, “Down Home,” seems like a preview for the album. Was that a song you’d been working on for a while? Put another way, if Dave hadn’t done the compilation, would that have been the eleventh song on Shine On?

I’m sure it would’ve been, man. It’s funny. I had gotten started on that song and had maybe a half a verse or a full verse. When Dave gave me a call [about the compilation] I knew it would be a perfect fit. But it’s definitely a Sunday in the life of my Southern family. And on my album there’s definitely a lot of that, so yeah, no doubt it would’ve been the eleventh track.

It looks like y’all had a lot of fun recording that one.

Oh, yeah. It was definitely good to get back in the studio with Dave; it had been about 10 years since I’d done that with him. So it was a blast. I’ve said this before, but he kinda produces the way I write. There’s a lot of spur-of-the moment stuff, and if he says, “something doesn’t feel right,” he means from his heart, not technically. And that’s the way I’ve always approached writing songs.

You met your cousin Dave, I believe, when you were about 16. He was an established producer then, but not the big name his is now in the industry. He’s kind of a big deal….

That’s what I’m saying!

…How big an asset is it to have a producer who’s not just blood kin, but the hottest hand in Nashville right now?

Ah, that’s gonna be pretty beneficial. It’s definitely helped me out a lot. When we first met I was 17, and he had produced Put the O Back in Country by Shooter [Jennings], which was one of my favorite records at that time and is still one of my favorites.

And it was funny, man. When I moved up here [Nashville]… well, actually, I moved to L.A. for a minute. I lived in the middle of Hollywood for about four months and went back and forth for about a year and a half. Then I moved back to Georgia, then back to Nashville in March of ’08. And I was looking around trying to find a publishing deal and learning about being a staff writer. And the first thing everybody asks is, “Are you a songwriter or an artist?”

So I would always say, “I thought they were one and the same.” And they said, “Well, we’ve gotta get you a producer.” And I told everybody the same thing, for eight years: I’ve got a cousin who’s a producer, and he’s badass. But folks were a little scared to invest money in someone who’s somebody’s cousin who happens to be a producer. And I didn’t have the money and Dave didn’t have the money, so we sorta did what we had to do there for a second. But now a lot of those naysayers are red in the face, I believe. [Laughs.]

Around the time Something More than Free came out, Jason Isbell talked about the collaborative way he and Dave worked in the studio. Your cousin, he said, had a real knack for knowing where to place a bridge, for example, or whether to start a song with a chorus or a verse. Did you experience a similar chemistry in the studio?

Yeah. Well, definitely on my first album, Dave would structurally set up songs. I was 17 at the time. And there’s still a lot of that because he’s just got such a great instinct for… well, I might think a song is incomplete and he might say, “I think it’s done; let’s just put this little melodic thing at the end.” He’s just fantastic, and that’s why everybody loves him, because he thinks like an artist. Well, he is an artist, not just someone who can afford a bunch of equipment and calls himself a producer.

I imagine he’s as valuable – if not more so – than any great session man.

Yeah! And going back to the staff-writing thing, I approach that the same way Dave does: It’s a collaboration that comes down to “What’s best for the song?”

How long had you been working on this batch of songs? Did you do any writing while in the studio?

Some of them longer than others. Like I said, I’ve always written for myself, so I’ve always had a deep pocketful of songs that kinda lent themselves to this album. But some of them I finished up in the studio in the moment; I might have a melody in mind and I’d say, “What do you think about this one, Dave?” So, a little bit of both.

There’s an uplifting air to this album of yours. There’s sort of a demarcation point, I think, between the first seven and last three songs, but for the most part there’s kind of a contentment running through it. Is this a reflection of your personality and general outlook on life?

I think it has to be. I come from a very musical family, a positive family, a loving family.  For me, it’s been a long decade professionally in music and I’ve seen some people come behind me and excel and surpass me. But I’m still rockin’, professionally. I’ve been able to make a living from just music for almost a decade. So I’ve gotta be positive.

The other thing I wanted to show, you know…I’m friends with everybody on both sides of the fence; I can’t really pick a side because I’ve got so many friends on both sides of this invisible wall. My thing is, I wanted to do country music in such a way that just because you’re going beyond scratching the surface and doing something a little deeper, it doesn’t have to be depressing. You can write something that feels good and also has a little more meaning to it, a little more depth.

So that was always in the back of my mind while I was putting this album together. And also – having a two-year-old – I wanted to put something out where if I never did anything else, my daughter could listen to it and say, “Man, that was my daddy’s album!”

From Brent Cobb's Instagram

You'd easily fit into the mainstream country neo-traditional revival (artists like Stapleton, William Michael Morgan, Jon Pardi).  You've seemingly gone the more straight-Americana/less-commercial route. Was that a business decision, or just staying true to your style and comfort level?

Yeah, it’s just the way I write. If you go the traditional or commercial route, there’s just so many people who have to get involved, and that wouldn’t have been a good representation of what I do. This album is just natural.

And, speaking of the commercial route, let’s talk about an elephant in the room. There are several folks in the “mainstream” camp who’ve recorded your songs. You wrote “Tailgate Blues” and Luke Bryan had a hit with it. (editor’s note: was a popular album cut)  It might be hard for folks to reconcile the songs on Shine on Rainy Day with that one. Was that a case of “well, that’s just what the music-listening public wants, so give it to them?”

No, that song was originally written for me. I had a verse or two, and it was originally called “Mossy Blues.” And I would ask people to go and listen to the lyrics of that song * before they made any judgments like, “Oh, he wrote that song for Luke Bryan.” Because – and I don’t really want to be the one to say it – if they listen to it, it’s structurally different. There are some of the same phrasings, but we’re from the same area. But I think you can tell the differences in depth.

And my co-writer, Neil Medley – it was one of the first songs I’d had a co-writer for, and this was about five years ago – he’s the one who said “Let’s call it ‘Tailgate Blues.’”

Well, that was certainly some foresight, right there.

[Laughs]. Isn’t that funny, man? And look, I’m not saying we were the first ones to write about a buzz, or write about a tailgate or crickets and stuff, because we damn sure were not. But during that time period not a lot of people were saying that stuff. And then, about a year or so after that…[laughs].

What’s more likely to happen: Brent Cobb writing another song about a truck, or Luke Bryan covering “Down in the Gulley?”

Luke would do Down in the Gulley.

Yeah, but would you want him to? Wait. You don’t have to answer that.

Of course I would! I want everybody to do whatever they want to do. Wouldn’t it be cool to hear Luke do Down in the Gully? That would probably change everything.

Well, it would help your bottom line, no doubt… So, you apparently dipped your toe into satire and wrote something called “Yo, Bro.”

[Laughs] Aw, I should’ve sent that to you.

I’d love to hear it, but I can’t, since all traces of it have disappeared from the Internet. Can you clear up this mystery?  

Ah, well…For about four or five years, I averaged doing about 120 dates a year, and when we found out we were having our baby, I decided I’d leave the road and just focus on songwriting. And during that time, it was at the height, the peak really, of the bro country movement, and I couldn’t get anybody to listen to any of my songs.

So I got kinda pissed off. And what happened…I won’t say any names, but I had a couple folks who are kinda high up – Luke WAS NOT one of them – a couple folks in that camp told me, “Man if you could just write some stuff that leaned that way, you could probably have a lot of success.” And it really bothered me because it ain’t that I can’t do that; I just don’t do that.

I decided to write something that was that style of song, and I wanted to do it better than they can write their own style of song. [Pauses] Against them. As a matter of fact, Neil Medley – the same guy who co-wrote “Tailgate” – that’s who I wrote “Yo, Bro” with. And it worked.** [Laughs] It did a lot of what I thought it would do; I figured it would go over a lot of the bro fans’ heads…

That’s not a very high bar, Brent…

And later they were like, “Wait, I think he’s making fun of us, but it doesn’t matter because it sounds so cool.” What I didn’t expect to happen was that a lot of the more traditional fans – I expected them to get the joke – but it kinda backfired on me and said, “Aw, he’s a bro hatin’ on bros.”

[Howls with laughter]…

Yeah, that’s what happened. So, I pulled it off the Internet. Someday I’ll put it back out there, but I took it off before I put this record out because I didn’t want people to be confused and not get the joke. Luckily we’ve got folks like [Trailer] and ole Trigger (Saving Country Music) who do get the joke. But a lot of folks didn’t, so I just didn’t want to deal with that.

Back to Southern Family for a second: It’s become a cliché, what with the mainstream country bros checking all the boxes (trucks, dirt roads, etc.) to show they’re authentically rural on all their songs. On “Down Home,” you touch all the bases yourself, yet it’s valid on its face. Did you write that song as sort of an ironic wink at the bro template?

Nah, I didn’t really think of it that way. The thing is, I’m friends with some of those guys. There was one time we were sitting around in the writing room writing a song, and I had this really cool idea.  Where I grew up my grandpa had a junkyard. He had a hundred acres that my great-grandpa bought for a dollar an acre after World War I, and on one part of it was this junkyard.

So I had this idea about how things rust away in a junkyard, but it can still be beautiful; a really rural song, you know? So this one guy – and man this is one of the top dudes, and again I’m not gonna say any names. He says, “Well, does that pass the Bubba test?” I asked him what the “Bubba test” was. “As in Bubba back home; is he gonna get it?”

It bothered me so much. And I was a young buck, just a low man on the [Nashville] totem pole. I told the guy, “Well, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to write anything together. Ever.” And I just got up and walked out. Who knows; maybe if I hadn’t walked out I could’ve had a bunch of bro hits. [Laughs] But it just bothers me, man. It’s an epidemic, and what I don’t understand is, those guys are from there (the rural South.) They know that things are deeper. I don’t know whose fault it is, whether it’s the fans of that music; I don’t know if it’s the record labels, or the radio, or if it’s just people getting there and selling where they’re from short. I don’t know whose problem it is. But it’s unfortunate, because it’s much richer, where we’re all from.

Yeah. As a lifelong Southerner, it chaps me when in the movies, for example, every Southerner is gonna be a dumb yokel…

Always…

…and these guys, they’re reinforcing that stereotype and lining their pockets. And now they’ve added an element of soft-core porn to it, singing about trying to get in some skank’s pants…

yeah…

…and it’s not healthy.

You know, I hate to name-drop because I know these guys and they’re all heroes of mine. But my wife and I were talking about this the other day. Guys like Kristofferson and Willie, when they talked about a woman, it was so romantic. They did it in a way that was just beautiful, man. You can still do that, dammit. It’s the same way with movies, too. I love the movie Dazed and Confused; it’s funny because it’s real-life, not over the top. What’s happening in all genres of music, not just country, is that it’s over the top and exploitative of whatever the truth is.

Lastly, are you doing any new writing, or is that something that’s perpetual for you? And have you thought about what you might do for your next album?

I have thought about it and I’m really excited about doing the next album. It won’t stray too far from where I am already, though.

Cobb will play a few dates late this month in the U.K., then come home for an extensive tour with Nikki Lane in February. Catch him when you can.

* Seriously, go listen. He’s right, and it’s a great song. When sung by Brent Cobb, of course.

** Oh, man, does it ever work. Since the interview, your humble correspondent received a copy from the artist on the condition of not circulating it. It is brilliant.

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2016 Edition

 Krampus is a mythical beast who punishes unruly children during the
Christmas season. Justin Moore has to show him ID every year

All Luke Bryan wants for Christmas is his two front testicles

Charlie Daniels recently sat down on a Nashville mall bench and a line of 

children looking for Santa suddenly formed in front of him

Santa added Dasher to his chili after he told Santa his favorite country singer was Sam Hunt

For Christmas this year, Miranda Lambert simply asks for peace, understanding, 

and "shut the f**k up about Blake Shelton every time I do a damn interview"

Gary Levox's ban from all central Ohio Golden Corral restaurants expires on January 1st 2017

Hank 3 will attempt to spend Christmas with his dad this year but it will end badly 

when he receives 'It's About Time' on cd as his gift

Golden Corral stock is a smart investment for 2017

Mattel is coming out with a new Holiday Country Barbie based on Kelsea Ballerini, 

but it just looks like a regular Barbie

Santa decided that anyone who puts anything Florida-Georgia Line on 

their Christmas list will receive a lump of coal and a Justin Wells cd instead

Since it's the time of sharing, I'm sharing the fact that Jason Aldean is 

an ass with everyone that will listen

Since Farce The Music didn't feature Scotty McCreery on a shelf this year, 

his sales dropped to only 1 album this winter

WWE wrestler Brian Kendrick requested December off to work as an elf at Macy's 

so Shooter Jennings has been filling in for him in the ring

Kenny Rogers is thankful for the cold weather because it gives him an excuse for the frozen face

Millions of children won't get their presents until December 26th due to Santa losing 

his sense of urgency after stopping at Willie Nelson's house

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Mostly by Jeremy Harris

Fake Tweets: What County Stars Are Thankful For This Year

The Crud Report: Nov. '16

Trick or Treat Goodies of the Country Stars

What can your little ghoul or goblin expect to receive in their plastic jack-o-lantern if you drop by the homes of country stars this upcoming Halloween? Well, FTM has the exclusive* scoop!

 

 

*not real

Top 10 Conspiracies Shooter Jennings Can Cover Next

 

To celebrate the release of the Black Ribbons Ultimate Edition, Shooter Jennings has been running a podcast recently called Beyond the Black. In it he discusses the conspiracy-minded topics covered on that dystopian album. Jeremy counted down the best topics Shooter can cover on future episodes!

(and it's a top 11)

Top 11 Upcoming Topics For 

Shooter Jennings' Beyond The Black Podcasts

11. David Allan Coe was never picked up by the ghost of Hank Williams. 

10. All Colt Ford songs are secretly written about independent wrestler Die Hard Tom McClane. 

9. Bambi's mom was an inside job. 

8. Earl Thomas Conley schedules his tour dates around the Seattle Seahawks schedule. Coincidence?

7. 'Walking Dead' scenes that show destroyed urban areas are actually drone footage from outdoor bro-country concerts. 

6. The earth is a simulation created by Richard Garriott.

5. Randy Quaid and Gary Levox have never been seen together. Tune in to find out why. 

4. Proof that Sturgill Simpson is actually a reptile alien made of light. 

3. Detroit was booming until Kid Rock went country. The connection is there!

2. Two members of Jackson Taylor's band are NOT sinners. 

1. Billy Ray Cyrus died in a rollerblading accident and was saved when doctors working as consultants on the show 'Doc' stole Elvis' brain and implanted it into his head. The show was cancelled shortly after because he constantly wanted to sing 'Love Me Tender' during every episode. (This title may need to be shortened before airing the show)

-by Jeremy Harris

Honest Tweets 3: Aldean, McBride, Zac Brown Band, etc.