(Johnny and June contrasted with modern country "love" lyrics)
Showing posts with label Colt Ford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Colt Ford. Show all posts
Mar 31, 2016
WWE Country Reaction Gifs 7: Jason Isbell, Chase Rice, Jana Kramer, etc.
Wrestlemania 32 is this Sunday, so of course we're having an edition of stupid gifs this week.
When a coworker asks if you know anybody
who'd want their extra Chase Rice ticket
When somebody passes you "whiskey"
that turns out to be Fireball
When somebody asks how many studio albums
Jason Isbell has released
When Jana Kramer's mom hears how bad her new song is
When the Stapleton pre-sale code hits your inbox
When Tyler Hubbard practices his only talent
When your buddies think it'd be fun
to go see Colt Ford just for laughs
Labels:
Chase Rice,
Chris Stapleton,
Colt Ford,
FGL,
gifs,
Jana Kramer,
Jason Isbell,
Satire,
Tyler Hubbard,
WWE
Mar 30, 2016
John Rich's Songwriting Tips #77
From the mailbag:
Kevin in Georgia writes: With the reduction of mainstream radio playlists, the consolidation of media and record labels, and the greatly lowered number of songwriters actually getting cuts in Nashville, is there really any point to trying to break into the business if you're not willing to kiss corporate ass or make friends with douchebag up-and-coming singers?
Me: No.
Kayla in Texas asks: My boyfriend is a good-looking white rapper inspired by Sam Hunt and Colt Ford. What's the best way for him to break into the country music business?
Me: Record a half-dozen YouTube videos of him covering country artists he's never heard of and won't sound anything like ….and wait.
Josh in Ohio writes: How do you balance performing, songwriting, running businesses, and having a family with your true loves of ego and alcohol?
Me: Well, Josh. If you care to drive your anonymous ass down to Nashville and ask that to my face, I'll give you a little insight. I'll put my foot so deep insight your ass, you won't ask me something like that again.
Vanessa in Washington State wants to know: Do you think the success of Chris Stapleton will open the doors for authentic, gritty country music and should songwriters anticipate that shift by writing more story-driven and emotional songs?
Me: I know, Vanessa, I'm worried too. I'm hoping this is just a trend like the great credibility scare of the late 80s. Nashville righted the ship then, and they'll do it now. Don't you fear. There may be a few months of hard twang, whining steel, earnest lyrics, and a general lack of flash, but in no time at all, this town will get back to its roots and deliver the pandering, trend-driven, sexy pop music we know and love. Stay strong, y'all!!
Kevin in Georgia writes: With the reduction of mainstream radio playlists, the consolidation of media and record labels, and the greatly lowered number of songwriters actually getting cuts in Nashville, is there really any point to trying to break into the business if you're not willing to kiss corporate ass or make friends with douchebag up-and-coming singers?
Me: No.
Kayla in Texas asks: My boyfriend is a good-looking white rapper inspired by Sam Hunt and Colt Ford. What's the best way for him to break into the country music business?
Me: Record a half-dozen YouTube videos of him covering country artists he's never heard of and won't sound anything like ….and wait.
Josh in Ohio writes: How do you balance performing, songwriting, running businesses, and having a family with your true loves of ego and alcohol?
Me: Well, Josh. If you care to drive your anonymous ass down to Nashville and ask that to my face, I'll give you a little insight. I'll put my foot so deep insight your ass, you won't ask me something like that again.
Vanessa in Washington State wants to know: Do you think the success of Chris Stapleton will open the doors for authentic, gritty country music and should songwriters anticipate that shift by writing more story-driven and emotional songs?
Me: I know, Vanessa, I'm worried too. I'm hoping this is just a trend like the great credibility scare of the late 80s. Nashville righted the ship then, and they'll do it now. Don't you fear. There may be a few months of hard twang, whining steel, earnest lyrics, and a general lack of flash, but in no time at all, this town will get back to its roots and deliver the pandering, trend-driven, sexy pop music we know and love. Stay strong, y'all!!
Labels:
Chris Stapleton,
Colt Ford,
John Rich,
JR's Songwriting Tips,
Sam Hunt,
Satire
Dec 23, 2015
Farce the Music's Top 10 Hick-Hop Songs of 2015
Labels:
Best of 2015,
Colt Ford,
Cowboy Troy,
hick hop,
Moonshine Bandits,
Satire,
The Lacs,
Top Ten Lists
Dec 17, 2015
Star Wars/Country Music Doppelgängers 2
The Force Awakens starts today! In honor, here are some
(occasionally reaching) Star Wars character/Country singer doppelgängers.
Darius Rucker (R&B phase) and Mace Windu |
Don Williams and Obi Wan Kenobi |
Chris Stapleton and Chewbacca (sorry Chris!) |
Willie Nelson and Qui Gon Jinn |
Colt Ford and Jek Porkins (hey, don't blame me... that's his name) |
Dec 15, 2015
Little Known Facts: Christmas 2015 Edition
This is a special extra long Jeremy & Trailer collaborative Christmas edition of Little Known Facts. Some artists get two facts...
John Rich celebrates the holidays by adding a couple ounces of eggnog to his mug of bourbon.
Colt Ford and Frosty The Snowman wear the same size pants.
A Christmas Story is Gary Levox's favorite Christmas movie.
He always cries during that emotional scene when the dogs eat the Christmas dinner.
Santa decided to skip the Levox house this year because someone always beat him to the cookies.
Shooter Jennings doesn't wear red coats during December
because someone always tries to put him on a shelf.
because someone always tries to put him on a shelf.
Shooter Jennings had to delay his upcoming album "Countach (for Giorgio)"
until next year to allow him to spend more time working in Santa's workshop.
until next year to allow him to spend more time working in Santa's workshop.
With his new contract Chad Brock is experiencing a resurgence of popularity
but unfortunately some of the children pee on his lap while giving their wish list.
but unfortunately some of the children pee on his lap while giving their wish list.
Every year around this time Farce The Music is overwhelmed with emails asking to post Scotty McCreery
on a shelf pics. 99% of those come from addresses ending with @scottymccreery.com.
on a shelf pics. 99% of those come from addresses ending with @scottymccreery.com.
All Luke Bryan wants for Christmas is his two front ...testicles.
Santa will have a reindeer shit on the floor of anyone that posted #WhoIsChrisStapleton in 2015.
Jason Aldean only watches the first 20 minutes of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Instead of receiving coal in their stockings this year, badly-behaved
country singers will be forced to share a dressing room with Mojo Nixon.
country singers will be forced to share a dressing room with Mojo Nixon.
73% of Brantley Gilbert fans are more concerned with making
the warden's nice list than they are with Santa Claus' list.
the warden's nice list than they are with Santa Claus' list.
Old Dominion hopes they get switches for Christmas, because they're perverts.
Bucky Covington is hoping the mild weather continues throughout Christmas. He says it sucks
when your spray bottle of water freezes while cleaning windshields at a Nashville red light.
when your spray bottle of water freezes while cleaning windshields at a Nashville red light.
Country singer Sam Hunt celebrates Christmas by dressing in outlandish costumes
and knocking on neighbors' doors asking for candy.
and knocking on neighbors' doors asking for candy.
Frankie Ballard decorates his home for Christmas with… wait, who the hell is Frankie Ballard?!?
The only item on Martin Shkreli's Christmas list is a Kane Brown album.
Christmas is a special time of year that can bring a smile to anyone's face.
Except Kenny Rogers anytime after 2011.
Bucky Covington always gets kicked out of the record label's Christmas party
for being too drunk and because he doesn't work there.
Oct 28, 2015
You're Not a Real Country Singer! Part 2!
What the hell? Let's do the next part today as well. Here are some more…
You're Not a Real Country Singer if…
Your music is played at the Electric Cowboy -Colby Cummings
Your newest single has “Akins, Gorley, Davidson” in the songwriting credits. -Chris Busto
you went to a Rascal Flatts concert and were inspired -@mattson_rainer
your cowboy boots are only ankle high. I’m looking at you Luke Bryan. -@ChrisJohnson036
you wear joggers or jeggings. I’m looking at you @SamHuntMusic -@RCCampbell52
You don’t wear a cowboy hat because it would cover up your Macklemore-style hair-cut...
-J Christopher Smith
you have your own scented candle named after you -@tabithanichol1
Your wardrobe costs more than your guitar collection. -Sam Gazdziak
you feel the need to inform people any chance you get that you are a real country singer.
-@AshleyAnnMusic
You haven’t put out a song that was later remixed with a washed up rapper. -Chris Jackson
you only recognize Waylon Jennings because he was on The Dukes of Hazzard. -John Band Deery
you’ve recorded a song with colt ford -@parker__manning
...Anal bleaching is on the to-do list. -Josh Gourley
If you cant name the original members of the Highway men -Alana Y. James
If Your songs have EDM beats -Kevin Ross
There’s no twang besides a out of place banjo in your songs -Jordan Pancho Kirk
If you’re sponsored by Axe body spray and fireball. -Luke Langford
if your biggest influence is Fred Durst -Mada Drake
you rhyme “party” with “Bacardi.” -@DarkKnight292
you spend an hour on Urban Dictionary for hip new phrases to include in your lyrics.
-@DHWritesCountry
Bobby Bones is your biggest promoter -Brandon Ferguson
if you don’t sing about momma, trains, prison or getting drunk. -@PJrenee72
If there’s no fiddle, steel or banjo backing you. -@alisonbonaguro
You don’t drink whisky because its not organic and free-trade. -J Christopher Smith
you namedrop Justin Timberlake in your songs. -@realcountryview
If your backstage rider requests include watermelon vape juice and
a crowbar to get you out of your jeans. -@GreenEyedLilo
three words: “feat. Jason Derulo” -@emperorcupcake2
Your name is Tyler Hubbard or Brian Kelley -Greg Sury
Your newest single has “Akins, Gorley, Davidson” in the songwriting credits. -Chris Busto
you went to a Rascal Flatts concert and were inspired -@mattson_rainer
your cowboy boots are only ankle high. I’m looking at you Luke Bryan. -@ChrisJohnson036
you wear joggers or jeggings. I’m looking at you @SamHuntMusic -@RCCampbell52
You don’t wear a cowboy hat because it would cover up your Macklemore-style hair-cut...
-J Christopher Smith
you have your own scented candle named after you -@tabithanichol1
Your wardrobe costs more than your guitar collection. -Sam Gazdziak
you feel the need to inform people any chance you get that you are a real country singer.
-@AshleyAnnMusic
You haven’t put out a song that was later remixed with a washed up rapper. -Chris Jackson
you only recognize Waylon Jennings because he was on The Dukes of Hazzard. -John Band Deery
you’ve recorded a song with colt ford -@parker__manning
...Anal bleaching is on the to-do list. -Josh Gourley
If you cant name the original members of the Highway men -Alana Y. James
If Your songs have EDM beats -Kevin Ross
There’s no twang besides a out of place banjo in your songs -Jordan Pancho Kirk
If you’re sponsored by Axe body spray and fireball. -Luke Langford
if your biggest influence is Fred Durst -Mada Drake
you rhyme “party” with “Bacardi.” -@DarkKnight292
you spend an hour on Urban Dictionary for hip new phrases to include in your lyrics.
-@DHWritesCountry
Bobby Bones is your biggest promoter -Brandon Ferguson
if you don’t sing about momma, trains, prison or getting drunk. -@PJrenee72
If there’s no fiddle, steel or banjo backing you. -@alisonbonaguro
You don’t drink whisky because its not organic and free-trade. -J Christopher Smith
you namedrop Justin Timberlake in your songs. -@realcountryview
If your backstage rider requests include watermelon vape juice and
a crowbar to get you out of your jeans. -@GreenEyedLilo
three words: “feat. Jason Derulo” -@emperorcupcake2
Your name is Tyler Hubbard or Brian Kelley -Greg Sury
Oct 27, 2015
Little Known Facts: Halloween Edition
Shooter Jennings recently found his He-Man costume from 3rd grade and
decided to wear it this year since it still fits.
Colt Ford scrapped plans to go as someone less talented than himself when
he couldn't find a Big Smo outfit.
After being up late with a cranky baby, Jason Isbell will accidentally put on
Amanda Shires' pants on the 31st and walk out dressed as Sam Hunt.
Somewhere in Georgia a hay-wagon hitch will break and nearly cancel the hayride
but all will be saved by Brantley Gilbert's wallet chain.
Hunter Hayes has been spotted at Sam's Club buying gallon tubs of vaseline to
grease his face up because just a fat suit isn't enough to look like Gary Levox.
In 2012 Hank Williams Jr dressed as Chewbacca but everyone knew it was him
because he was constantly yelling "I'm Hank Williams Jr, bitch!."
On October 31st Dale Watson will wake up and dress like a badass. Just like every other day.
This year Chad Brock will be dressed as a homeless man on the streets of Nashville.
He will remain in costume through 2018.
Florida Georgia Line decided to not dress as what they believe to be the greatest country duo
of all time because they couldn't decide which one had to be Big Kenny.
Tyler Farr will be arrested on Halloween for parking a hearse outside
a neighbor kid's bedroom and throwing popcorn balls at the window.
After a bad experience with Wynonna's spray tan artist Dolly Parton will be stopped at
the local farmers market for being suspected of smuggling two pumpkins out the door.
Chris Stapleton's costume will not be seen by most of the country but
people that actually know things will agree it's the best costume this year.
Ray Wylie Hubbard will dress as a geriatric Danny Zuko. The other 364 days of the year
this is referred to as "the Ray Wylie Hubbard look."
By Jeremy Harris
Oct 26, 2015
Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Freddy Krueger, Colt Ford, etc.
Labels:
Colt Ford,
Florida Georgia Line,
Halloween,
Jason Aldean,
Luke Bryan,
memes,
Satire
Oct 16, 2015
Jun 4, 2015
Summer Country Music Festival Waiver
Another summer, another spate of bad behavior from summer country concert attendees. To combat the possibility of lawsuits, some promoters have begun forcing ticket buyers to sign liability waivers. Here's a really thorough one for the upcoming Florida Country Superfest.*
*totally not real, but probably should be.
Labels:
Brantley Gilbert,
Colt Ford,
country music,
Kenny Chesney,
Photocrap,
Satire,
Summer,
summer concerts
May 29, 2015
How to Know Summer is Here
How to Know Summer is Here
Kid Rock is being played on every format. (Except rock and rap)
Green Peace begins lecturing all new recruits on not rolling Gary Levox back into
Green Peace begins lecturing all new recruits on not rolling Gary Levox back into
the water if he's encountered on the beach.
Female country singers become more popular to bros. Because cutoffs.
Female country singers become more popular to bros. Because cutoffs.
Every package of Gold Bond medicated powder includes a download
of the latest Luke Bryan Spring Break album.
Wynonna's orange glow becomes more of a grapefruit color.
The amount of nighttime that Scott Borchetta has for feeding is reduced significantly.
Trailer starts bitching about his yard needing mowed instead
Wynonna's orange glow becomes more of a grapefruit color.
The amount of nighttime that Scott Borchetta has for feeding is reduced significantly.
Trailer starts bitching about his yard needing mowed instead
of Mississippi State having a horrible season.
...country music remix season.
Country Rap King Mikel Knight decreases the days between showers for his street teams to 7.
Some country music bigwig says something stupid. Wait, that's every season...
...country music remix season.
Country Rap King Mikel Knight decreases the days between showers for his street teams to 7.
Some country music bigwig says something stupid. Wait, that's every season...
Colt Ford makes extra money blocking the sun from Jason Aldean's forehead.
Leann Rimes blends in with everyone else.
New tailgate songs.
Leann Rimes blends in with everyone else.
New tailgate songs.
You go to a big drunk redneck fight and a country music festival breaks out.
Calm down Trailer. We get it, mowing sucks.
------
Almost all of these by Jeremy Harris
Labels:
Colt Ford,
Jason Aldean,
Jeremy Harris,
Leann Rimes,
Luke Bryan,
Mikel Knight,
Satire,
Scott Borchetta,
Summer,
Wynonna
Feb 11, 2015
Blame Georgia
Blame Georgia
(Lyric parody of South Park's "Blame Canada")
Times are strange
Our kids are getting dumb
They won't respect tradition
They just want to bang and bump
Should we blame the school system?
Or blame bad parenting?
Or should we blame the X-Box?
No, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
With all their trashy tailgate songs
And the studded jeans that they've got on
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
It's time these idiots got caught
It's Georgia's fault!
Don't blame me if I lose my mind
I hear that damn Brantley and Jason and Luke all the time!
And Dallas Davidson, he's from Georgia as well
By now it's time we told them all just to go to hell
Yeah, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
It seems that country music just sucks
Since Georgia discovered trucks
Blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
That's not even real country music anyway
My son should've been a scientist or a banker just as well
But all he wants to do is roll coal and go chasing tail
Should we blame ol Waylon?
Should we blame Paycheck?
Nah, blame Tyler Hubbard and Thomas Rhett.
That's it!
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
With all their douchey hick-hoppin' crap
They can leap off Wolf Pen Gap
Blame Georgia! Shame on Georgia for...
The bros, we're so bored
And yeah, for Colt Ford
The Fireball and butts must all be undone
We must shame them and send them on the run
Oh, all this shitty music must be shunned
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
(Lyric parody of South Park's "Blame Canada")
Times are strange
Our kids are getting dumb
They won't respect tradition
They just want to bang and bump
Should we blame the school system?
Or blame bad parenting?
Or should we blame the X-Box?
No, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
With all their trashy tailgate songs
And the studded jeans that they've got on
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
It's time these idiots got caught
It's Georgia's fault!
Don't blame me if I lose my mind
I hear that damn Brantley and Jason and Luke all the time!
And Dallas Davidson, he's from Georgia as well
By now it's time we told them all just to go to hell
Yeah, blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
It seems that country music just sucks
Since Georgia discovered trucks
Blame Georgia!
Blame Georgia!
That's not even real country music anyway
My son should've been a scientist or a banker just as well
But all he wants to do is roll coal and go chasing tail
Should we blame ol Waylon?
Should we blame Paycheck?
Nah, blame Tyler Hubbard and Thomas Rhett.
That's it!
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
With all their douchey hick-hoppin' crap
They can leap off Wolf Pen Gap
Blame Georgia! Shame on Georgia for...
The bros, we're so bored
And yeah, for Colt Ford
The Fireball and butts must all be undone
We must shame them and send them on the run
Oh, all this shitty music must be shunned
Blame Georgia! Blame Georgia!
-----------------------------
Don't take this too seriously, Georgians.
Yes, we know Georgia is actually responsible for many more positives than negatives in country music.
Just might wanna get some stuff in check in the present.
Sep 11, 2014
I'm Sorry, This Exists: September '14
Jason Aldean Thingie...
Grounds for divorce?
Grounds for divorce?
Kenny Rogers Zen Painting Print
(No…. actually, that's awesome)
(No…. actually, that's awesome)
I think a "dimmer" would be more appropriate.
Colt Ford Dip Can Cover
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this.
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this.
Because what bluegrass fan isn't secretly a fan?
In 1984, Vince Neil was charged with vehicular manslaughter while drunk.
This is among his several labels of liquors and wines:
http://www.tatuado-vodka.com/
In 1984, Vince Neil was charged with vehicular manslaughter while drunk.
This is among his several labels of liquors and wines:
http://www.tatuado-vodka.com/
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