ACMs 2020: (Semi) Snarky Twitter Wrap-Up

The ACM Awards were obviously a more serious and somber affair this year, so the hatin' wasn't as prevalent. That said, here are a few bits of insight and humor from last night's show.

I guess I’ll watch the ACMs. Probably won’t be a lot of hatin’ cause things are weird. As you may know.

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

Here’s some hatin’: Dan + Shay suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. #ACMawards

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

Dan + Shay rhymes with Maddie & Taye, the real duo of the year in my country music heart #ACMawards

— Sarah Boesveld (@sarahboesveld) September 17, 2020

“One Margarita” was definitely written by an online hit summer country song generator. #ACMawards

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

I couldn’t tell you Dan from Shay though... and I thought Old Dominion was better when they were in the Sun Belt Conference.

— Jay Cooper (@jayacoop) September 17, 2020

Carrie Underwood just covered Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Barbara Mandrell, Dolly Parton, Reba McEntire, and Martina McBride on the ACM AWARDS. Carrie Underwood just had a "moment." She is what pop country should be. #ACMawards

— Saving Country Music (@KyleCoroneos) September 17, 2020

I think Nashville needs an intervention about their drinking problem. (It’s worse than usual) #ACMawards

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

I had no clue the #ACMawards were on tonight.

Then again, over half the nominees have no clue who Merle Haggard is so whatever.

— NotKennyRogers (@NotKennyRogers) September 17, 2020

I don’t think I’ve ever cared less about a celebrity couple than Blake and Gwen lol

— Lorie Liebig (@lorieliebig) September 17, 2020

Fun fact: Luke Combs did a tune up on that truck before the commercial.

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

I always knew country music would eventually get so bad that nobody would show up at those award shows, but y’all didn’t believe me...

— Kevin Moon (@_KevinMoon) September 17, 2020

We would have severe overpopulation and traffic problems if Riley Green’s song came true.

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

"Excuse me. Sir?? Can you tell me how to get to Copperhead Road?" "Yeah, uh, head down Copperhead road. Run right on Copperhead. Another left on Copperhead. Then boom. You're on Copperhead. "

— Tyler Daniel (@TylerDaniel28) September 17, 2020

I like the idea of Luke Combs sitting in the Bluebird and occasionally having to get up and be like what again?

— Elamin Abdelmahmoud (@elamin88) September 17, 2020

Play Mickey Guyton, country radio.

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

it’s a crime you all let Florida Georgia Line be as popular as they are

— rach coop (@rec__22) September 17, 2020

A man can stumble out of the Gap Outlet at the Opryland Mall to pick up an Entertainer Of The Year trophy, apparently. #ACMs

— Country Universe (@CountryUniverse) September 17, 2020

I don’t like the phrase “mediocre white male” because I am one, but Thomas Rhett is also one.

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 17, 2020

The Crud Report: September 2020

More Monday Memes: Luke Combs, FGL, Turnpike

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August 2020

A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-9) overall which is a 15 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). Not too surprising, since summer on country radio is for mindless beer truck boyfriend songs. The worst song is Florida-Georgia Line’s “I Love My Country” being slightly worse than Kane Brown’s “Cool Again.” The best song is Maddie & Tae’s “Die From a Broken Heart,” which finally hit number 1 after forever on the chart.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

WWE (& AEW) Country Reaction Gifs 43: Chris Jericho Edition

Me, listening to country radio for 15 seconds

Latest Luke Bryan song?

When Tyler Childers looks at his album sales

When somebody asks to get on Shooter Jennings' guest list and adds "I'll bring some Willie's Reserve"

Dustin Lynch telling you about his music

When a guy walks by wearing a Kane Brown t-shirt

"Morgan Wallen is the future of country music"

How do you make Luke Combs cry? 

When your Americana duo gets tired of wearing t-shirts, plaid, and jeans

The Crud Report: August 2020

Luke Combs Gets Inspired

Honest Billboard Top 20 (if I hated literally all of them)

I don't literally hate all of these songs, just most.

Country TwitterFAIL: June 2020

 *foul language and bad opinions warning*

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: May 2020

A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (6) overall which is a 25(!!) point improvement from December (the previous time we did this chart). I wouldn’t say the country chart is more country these days, but the quality has improved by leaps and bounds. There’s more depth. There are more women. The worst song is Florida-Georgia Line’s “I Love My Country.” The best song is Maddie & Tae’s “Die From a Broken Heart,” which has been on the charts for …ever, it seems.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Luke Combs Performs "Six Feet Apart"

Co-written with Brent Cobb and Rob Snyder (the singer/songwriter, not the actor).

Luke Combs Covers Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car"

If there's a silver lining to this virus outbreak, it's that we'll get a lot of streamed concerts and content from musicians. Keep your eyes open for StageIt events where you can help out independent artists in particular, but it's nice to get music from big stars like Combs as well. He sings a lot better when he's not hollering.

ACMs Snubbed Jones, Cash, Ray Price, Says Man Who Apparently Time Traveled from the 70s

Larry Jack Pullen of West Memphis, Arkansas, who may be in possession of a device that can transport humans through time, is very upset with the Academy of Country Music awards nominations that were announced yesterday. He took to Facebook to announce his displeasure, saying “No George Jones, Johnny Cash or Ray Price. They are getting awards for ruining Country Music.” The comment was in response to a Facebook post that listed the likes of Thomas Rhett and Luke Combs as 2020 nominees.

When reached by Messenger for comment (I didn't tell him the artists he listed were no longer alive because I assumed he knew), Pullen went on a long rant about the fabric of America, smart phones, and something about “the Chinamen,” before finally getting back around to country music. 

“Riley Green, who’s she? If Johnny Paycheck isn’t up for best male artist, then what the hell is even going on? Nobody respects are elders any more and that’s why Jimmy Carter got elected.”

I asked Larry Jack if he could share the secret of time travel with me, but he said I must be on the reefer to ask something like that. “Your one of them what’s trying to make country music liberal and gay, aren’t you?” he asked. “IF YOU PEOPLE BY GOD RUIN WHAT GLEN CAMPBELL AND CONWAY TWITTY WORK EVERY DAY TO KEEP STRONG I WILL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE and you will regret it!” 

I tried to calm the conversation, but it was no use. “It’s a g***amn shame what their doing.” said Pullen, “I bet Tammy Wynette won’t even be preforming on the show, will she?” When I let him know that Wynette had sadly passed on, he told me to send condolences to her family and let him know where to send flowers. 

*this is based on a real Facebook comment (just the first one) - only the name was changed*

John Rich's Songwriting Tip #84

A lot of people ask me about maintaining integrity in songwriting. They say, “John, how do you stay relevant in the country songwriting field without compromising your beliefs in the sacredness of the genre, or your love of the craft?” 

I get it. Despite the popularity of a few somewhat traditional sounding artists like Jon Pardi and Luke Combs, it seems that country music is drifting toward the pop landscape more and more. The lyrics are becoming more repetitive, the stories are becoming non-existent, and there are less “real” instruments in the music. I understand your concerns and have some advice for you.

Get over it, boomer. Can’t compromise your integrity if you never had any! This is a business, not an art gallery. I can sell more Bocephus on velvet paintings down by the interstate than I can Monet prints, and I’m all about that almighty dolla dolla bill y’all, so shove your authenticity and get busy hanging up the Hank Jrs. 

I went through a few years of thinking I could still get songwriting cuts and hits with the old tried-and-true formula, but it wasn’t because of some virtuous bullshit - I was just lazy. But nowadays I’m getting back on the horse, punching them buttons and dropping them beats. Just got through kissing Kane Brown’s ass on Twitter, too, so hopefully that’ll get me in good graces with the execs and the producers with stupid one-word names. It’s time for the pimp daddy with the bull-horn Caddy to ride again. And if snap beats are cranking out the speakers and you don’t like it, just shut yo washed ass up. 

Country music is like Silly Putty. Bend it and twist it however you want. Stick it down on a picture of Drake and Voila! You’ve made a weak, distorted version of Drake appear on the ‘country music.’ Who cares about tradition? Get that green son.

*not actually written by John Rich

It's a Wonderful Life Country Reaction Gifs 2

Original

Luke Combs' accountant

My face when I hear some Jason Aldean playing in public

Me, talking to the FCC about the local mainstream country station

Dear God, please give Florida-Georgia Line a permanent case of laryngitis

Is Willie's "Pretty Paper" the best Christmas song?

Some of the Americana is just as boring and vapid as mainstream country but y'all not ready for that conversation

Hear ye! Hear ye! Kane Brown sucks!

 When you make it the entire season without hearing "The Christmas Shoes"

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: December '19

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-19) overall which is a 8(!!) point decrease from October (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber’s “10,000 Hours.”

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

What Your Favorite Album of 2019 Says About You 2

Zac Brown Band - The Owl

You tell everybody you like everything Zac Brown puts out no matter how he experiments, but in secret, you think this sucks.

Beyonce - Homecoming: The Live Album

You will taunt, threaten, curse, dox, and possibly inflict bodily harm upon anyone who says anything negative about this album, but otherwise you’re pretty nice.

Highwomen - s/t

You’re a strong, beautiful, independent woman and so is your significant other.

FGL - Can’t Say I Ain’t Country

You have a jacked up truck with exhaust stacks, fight with your girlfriend in public, and are drunk right now. Dad says your seventh year of community college is your last, graduation or not.

Maren Morris - Girl

You can’t get into the Highwomen album because it’s too country. You use way too many hashtags on Instagram.

Tyler Childers - Country Squire

You have a homemade bootleg live version of the album that’s “way better.” You sold a car out of your front yard for parts to get tickets to Sturgill and Tyler next year.

Puddle of Mudd - Welcome to Galvania

Wait, Puddle of Mudd still exists? You are a member of some guy in the band’s family.

Luke Combs - What You See is What You Get

Just gonna go out on a limb with this one and guess that you enjoy beer.

Vandoliers - Forever

You skate, fish, have purple hair, and are polite to your mama.

Zac Brown - The Controversy

You usually tell everybody you like everything Zac Brown puts out no matter how he experiments, but you gave up your fan club membership and started an anti-Zac Brown Facebook page after hearing this shit.

Post Malone - Hollywood’s Bleeding

You toss around words like ‘molly’ and ‘yeet’ but your 6th grade teacher doesn’t like you to say them in class.

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This is satire. Don't take it seriously.

Idea stolen from Medium.

Wrasslin' Memes: Koe Wetzel, Tyler Childers, etc.

Country TwitterFAIL: Nov. '19